Ciara's Game

a Fan Fiction by simplesabley

Commended by mizal on 12/26/2018 7:20:25 PM

Player Rating6.15/8

"#128 overall, #12 for 2018"
based on 88 ratings since 06/25/2019
played 585 times (finished 36)

Story Difficulty4/8

"march in the swamp"

Play Length5/8

"Not going to lose any sleep"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.
Contest Winner for Endmaster's 2018 Fanfic Contest

Ciara's life has never been anything worth cherishing, until she participates in a game that changes everything.

Special thanks to Corgi for beta testing, you're the best!

Update 12/26/18:Changed good ending perameters so that the requirements make more sense.

Update 6/25/19:Fixed a script error where the judge did not properly acknowledge a player's choice.

P.S. There is more than one ending. If you haven't found more than one, then you have not tried "literally" everything.

Player Comments

'You don't know me, but I know you. I want to play a game. Here's what happens if you lose'... you leave a comment.

Dear lord this starts off creepy. Anytime a character stumbles upon pictures of themselves, it’s frightening. Photos capture a moment of our lives. They bring emotion. They take us back in time. If someone with ill intention towards you has photos of you, it’s like they have a power over your past. Throw in some candles and you have a recipe for sh*tting your pants. As any Saw fanfic should, the feeling of helplessness and utter futility is created. There’s no messing around. You get thrust into the sick game directly from the start.

This probably goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway. This type of storygame will live or die by the writing quality. I only bring it up the obvious because Saw is known for its gruesome and gory scenes. If we, the reader, aren’t being brought along on a neck-chilling adventure, the story will fall short. If we aren’t grossed out by the horrid things Ciara is put into, then the story will fall short. It’s clear that the writing quality is superb and detailed i.e. an entire page dedicated to a man burning alive. If you aren’t experiencing the afore mentioned feelings, then you’re a psychopath who probably should be locked up.

The jigsaw puppet was done well without going over the top. One of the best benefits of a Fanfic is that you can use already established lore in the story. Since I already had a view of the jigsaw puppet, his introduction into the story was strong. He kept the same character as the movies. I love how he’s telling a story as if trying to ‘help’ his victims. In his defense (can’t believe I just said that), his victims tend to be rejects or people with huge character flaws.

Although it seemed rather repetitive at times, I could tell attempts were made to change it up a bit. For example, the structure was largely: Walk through door, listen to tape, choose to save victim or let them die. When I arrived at the ‘detective scene’, it was a nice change of pace. Instead of a recording telling me the options, I got to figure it out for myself based on clues. Going along with my ‘live or die’ paragraph above, suspense is another element that is a must. The reader must deeply be engaged, not knowing what will happen if you choose the wrong box or door. I think the author excelled in the suspense category.

Speaking of excelling, the character detail was, in fact, excellent. Each person you encountered was given a detailed, relevant backstory. This plays a major part into deciding whether or not to save them. They’re all f*cking scumbags, but so are you. Lol. Are you really willing to let these people die horrible deaths because they’re flawed humans? I sure as hell did, but it was a difficult choice. Besides maybe the stepfather none are complete Hitler wannabes. Sure, they’re shit-bags but there was always a reason behind their actions. Most to all weren’t acting evil for the sake of being evil. If they were, letting them die wouldn’t be much of a choice.

It all leads up to an incredibly moving conclusion. I included a lot of spoilers in this comment, but I’ll refrain from putting anything about the ending in. It’s definitely a worthwhile one. The entire storygame builds to crescendo in a marvelous way. Play it to find out. This is the first storygame that made me think about real life implications. Like, sure there are shitty people doing shitty things IRL, but spoiler alert: you’re doing the same. Don’t be so naïve to think you’re just the victim. We’re all victims and victimizers. Today you may find yourself on the safe side of the torture chamber, but tomorrow may be different. Great storygame.
-- ninjapitka on 4/10/2019 12:52:50 PM with a score of 0
Disclaimer: I've never seen Saw (a terrible negligence I know) so I won't be able to tell how faithful this is to the original work. This didn't hinder my experience at all though, as the story works very well on its own; despite not being long or overly branched, it looked complete and varied.

I'll start with more technical comments.
I didn't notice any grammar mistakes and your writing style followed the theme of the story nicely, with brisk action sentences and detailed descriptions of gore. Ciara's feelings are present throughout the narrative, but you haven't let them shrink or distort our perspective, leaving the view wide enough for us to see every action in painful clarity. The general structure was schematic and quite linear; this of course shut down some possibly interesting paths, but it didn't feel like a heavy loss since this was a kind of survival horror.

Now for the actual elements of the story.
The torture machines were creative (e.g. the melted coins) and vividly gut-wretching (the degloving and the ass-shot did it for me). I also liked the final twist and the fact that the villain mastermind is never revealed in any way. The only criticism I have is the same one Steve and Cricket made: the moral choices that led to you surviving didn't make much sense. Forrest did the same thing to us as we did to Annette's daughter, but if we kill him she doesn't kill us. The only reason I can think of is that that was the only way Annette could see that she needed to put a stop to the cycle of violence created among Trigga's subjects, but even this explanation seems forced.

In the end though this comes out as a successful try and shows you're more than capable of making readers squirm, which is a very important quality.
-- undr on 12/21/2018 8:08:29 AM with a score of 0
Now, I'm a big Saw fan, so this game actually looked really interesting to me. Anyhow, I reviewed it, so here's a jumble of words about what I thought.

Ciara's reaction was quite strange to me. She seemed to, upon seeing a bunch of pictures stacked around her, just kind of swear, which I don't understand. We don't really get much from the protagonist in terms of fear, or terror or anything, and the focus seems to be on the initial confusion, despite having woken up next to pictures of her family. Sort of explained away by the whole junkie thing, but even then, the photos should've at least set her off into some fear.

Overall, Ciara definitely reacts strangely to the whole thing. I mean, she even knows of the Jigsaw killing, yet rather than brutal terror and panic, she's just like of like "Aah, this is fucked, Jigsaw doesn't know me". I think the terror of waking up in the sadistic traps of a serial killer would've garnered a bigger response. (And yes, Jigsaw is a serial killer, the movie's retarded, just because you put someone in a trap where they COULD survive doesn't mean you're not a serial killer, Saw writers).

We can see this throughout. After the wire trap, she's still thinking about scoring pain killers from the ER, which kind of makes me think that both she's still a junkie so she didn't learn a lesson, and also she's not even that scared, just kind of going about this with an apathetic attitude. It was also strange how Ciara kind of flicked from "Satisfied watching these scum dying" and feeling like "You've seen enough people suffer".

I don't know whether it's the writing or my love of Saw, but I could definitely feel Jigsaw's voice in the recordings left around. It seemed very him, so that was cool. The writing was cool, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Some cool language, like "His mouth is sewn shut, but he isn't staying quiet" really painted a picture of the situation.

Now, onto the traps, my favorite part of any Saw game!

The first trap, Ciara's trap, was a bit dull. Razor wire's not the most inventive of all Saw traps, to be honest, and I was disappointed we weren't thrown into it with something more gruesome. This wasn't helped given that there was razor wire in BOTH boxes, the whole point felt kind of defeated. I felt there should've been more than of a struggle, a fight to pick life, like the Fat Guy's barbed wire trap in the original Saw. The fact that there was razor wire in one, and she'd have to do something, kind of meant that it was simply a choice between life and death with nothing else, as the razor wire was going to happen either way, and that's not really Jigsaw's thing. He makes you fight to choose life, not just pick it either way. Definitely should've been more of a struggle and a bit more inventive, with heroin as the easy way out without razor wire. I mean, sure, the fact that she's semi-suicidal makes it a hard choice for her, but the fat dude was also suicidal, and he didn't get an easy choice. Jigsaw should make it a proper fight for your life so you learn its worth fighting for.

Forrest's trap was satisfying. He seemed like a piece of shit, so admittedly, I just kind of watched the fucker cook. The description of Forrest horrifically dying was just so, so satisfying. Beyond measure, really, especially since he was a cunt, anyway. The way you described Forrest burning to nothingness was fucking delightful, and I was a very big fan. I loved the burning down to a skull bit anyway, perfect. The duel aspect of the boiling water to try save him worked well in tandem, as well, although I only saw that second playthrough, because fuck him.

The third trap was also pretty satisfying, if not more so than before. The spikes to the skull and spiked floor worked well as a duo, but let's face it, I watched the fuckers die. Well, I made the mistake of watching and seeing Greg survive, before going back to and killing them both. Pedophiles are scum, and a mother who does nothing deserves to die, so it was very satisfying. It was a bit strange that to kill them both I had to choose to help them, but still. I feel that could've been clearer, but either or. Once I figured it out, great time killing them both. Since I play through most pages, I got to see what happens if you save Greg, and it's never been so satisfying killing someone.

Acid mist was done in a cool way, less satisfying and more gruesome, but to be fair, it's pretty clear to follow the game Jigsaw has laid out for you.

Melting pennies being dropped on someone was, in every way, original. A strange way to die, but definitely memorable and exciting, and definitely fitting. However, the "Price" of saving her seemed to be a few drops of copper, which compared to the others, didn't seem that bad, and hardly like a trap. Anyhow, watching her die was incredibly satisfying, and it was a good description, if a bit light. Lovely trap, and the most original by far.

Now, before I go onto the drug dealer's trap, I'd like to stop here. His name was Trigga, Trigga, as in Trigger, except like how nigger goes to nigga, it became Trigga. This was the worst gang name I've ever heard. I've heard bad gangster names, like Kriminal from a Christian movie. I've heard really bad names. But Trigga is by far the worst nickname imaginable, and you should feel terrible about using it. It was just fucking miserable.

But anyhow, Trigga. The rat bucket is a classic throughout history, and a very satisfying trap. Having it over his genitals? Even better. Far, far better. I checked to see if freeing him led to death, and it did, which was a bit disappointing. I'd rather have him left there and not try to kill you, since you did save you, only for the judge to kill you in disgust. The rifle in the ass? Another great idea. I feel combining them had some detriment, given I don't feel sixty seconds of having a rat chew your genitals is enough for someone like him, but nevertheless, it was creative, original and my favorite trap by far, no question about it.

And finally, we have judgement. Judgement was cool. Good revelation, but it was a bit off. The idea that Trigga would release me in exchange for someone else. Given he kills me if I release him, he's not trustworthy, so I don't know why he released a witness to all of his brutal crimes. I feel this could've been done in a better way than straight up giving him the daughter. Like, the daughter was also a slave, but you left her behind in the escape attempt to save yourself rather than risking being caught for her. The idea that Trigga would knowingly let you go seemed unrealistic. I mean, I guess he knows I'm too scared to tell, but why take the risk?

Anyhow, I played through the various paths. Strangely, sparing everyone I could got me deemed with death, so that was weird. I was a bit unsatisfied that I only got a bad ending for killing all the awful people, but given that I also did awful shit, I guess I should divorce myself from the POV and be glad everyone died, but I feel in some way the game didn't want me to murder everyone, which was stupidly preachy, I was glad to show no mercy. I'm not really sure why, if the good ending was supposed to be the best, I was supposed to spare anyone, given they're all clearly deserving of death and are truly awful people, so I don't know.

After actually finding out the path to the true ending, or well, whatever, after learning the path, it was kind of confusing. I had to spare the CPS worker, sure, they might be innocent. I had to kill Greg, sure, but save the mum, which felt a bit depressing. I mean, she's clearly fucking scum, I think given her crime, she should've died, and strangely, I had to kill Forrest to survive, which was very strange. Forrest was guilty of the same crime as me, so surely sparing him is what would save my life, to show mercy towards the same crime as I'm guilty of, and show the mother that if I can forgive him for it, she can forgive me. However, weirdly enough I had to kill him, which seems counter-intuitive. I mean, I guess he did it for a debt rather than to escape hell, but I also knew more of the hell I was putting the girl in, so... I don't know why that path was forgiveness.

Anyhow, it was a really fun game, if short and a bit annoying asking me to show mercyt o scum. You were excellent in capturing what's great about a Saw game, namely the gore and brutality and the fact that it's happening to awful people rather than just, like adulterers or whatever type Jigsaw goes after like a dick. Bit disappointed I didn't get to see the infamous Jigsaw doll, but whatever. There was the issue of a lack of actual choices, mostly being "Save or spare" from escaping your trap until the end, but I think it was covered pretty well with being able to not stand the awful torture and trying to help after deciding to watch or not standing the pain of trying to help and giving up. An effective solution to deal with the lack of time, but still, a lack of branching that gave the game a bit of a formulaic feel after four victims. The game was really satisfying going through it, and for a Saw thing, especially well written, and it even had a classic Saw twist. Great game, and a sure winner of the contest. Good work.
-- Steve24833 on 12/19/2018 6:53:16 PM with a score of 0
it good, just a bit gruesome but also creative good job
-- junior13 on 4/30/2020 1:36:53 PM with a score of 0
Should I have done something different? How do you NOT die?
-- Hi on 2/18/2020 9:34:30 AM with a score of 0
This story was just amazing. I loved it to pieces, and rightfuly so. There are so many things to love about this story I have no idea where to even start. The game is just so full of personality and flair. And for a contest no less! I mean for real, every contest has the few stories that stand out in the pile of rushed stories to escape shame, and this certinly was one of them.

The main drawing point for me here was the moral deliemas. I went through it killing everyone in the story, only to find out that all of my choices have conquenses, and that I too am a horiable person. It is just so good at making you think, and learning all of the characters backstories kept me engaged the whole way through. It is filled with twists and turns that are impossiable to see coming. I love how much I hated every character in here, and I even had the delight to talk with the author about the story after the fact.

Not only does this story weave a web of amazing plot, characters, and twists, it is also very creative. By creative I mean the ways that it tries to murder you and the games you have to watch. Some of these things are just amazing works of art. Though they may have been taken from saw itself, witch I would have no clue about because…

I’ve never seen saw! All these amazing things I’ve said about this story have come from the eyes of a person who has never even seen the source material it is based upon!

Now if you are reading this and have not read this please do so. Even if you have never seen saw, I promise this will not let you down. I love this story so much, and you will too.

7 out of 8
-- MicroPen on 9/23/2019 10:14:18 PM with a score of 0
This was so well written! It was somehow therapeutic to kill all these imaginary terrible people.
-- Orange on 8/28/2019 2:06:14 PM with a score of 0
I am sorry 17 times. 17 freaking time. I played. I tried. But judgement is absolute. Ugh it's annoying.
-- PH4N70M on 8/18/2019 11:07:42 AM with a score of 0
There are several places where the story doesn’t seem to remember the choice you made. Also doesn’t seem to have a way to earn a happy ending.
-- Jb on 7/8/2019 9:29:59 PM with a score of 0
I swear I've tried every possible path and there's no way through the game. If the author just edited it to go from there being one winning path to no winning paths, that's just incredibly annoying.
-- Ian on 3/13/2019 1:42:26 AM with a score of 0
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