Crazy Kidnapper

Player Rating3.21/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 28 ratings since 09/01/2019
played 120 times (finished 15)

Story Difficulty4/8

"march in the swamp"

Play Length2/8

"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"

Maturity Level5/8

"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.

Tags

You're a pre-teen home alone. Try to escape the crazy kidnapper who comes to your house. This is not a true story. This story is a little violent, and weirdly scary. If you scare easily by this kind of stuff, please don't read this. Hope you enjoy! :) (I fixed up a few things, hope it’s better!)

Player Comments

"The man grabs you by the throat and drags you to his white van. Just kidding, it's a small black car and he just shoved you into the back seat."

That sentence gets at the big issue here--the narrative voice is, I think, trying to be arch and witty, but it comes off as odd in tone. That strange narrative voice mars what good there is in this game--yes, there are lots of sentence-level errors (some of which a spellchecker could be used to catch) but more importantly, I think it is trying and failing to be funny.

That comes with practice, and I think a more straightforward take would work better for a first game. I would also recommend that if you give a flavor choice (what show do you watch, the game asks) you should *write* about that choice to give flavor. I chose to watch Stranger Things--awesome, now write about that! What a good opportunity to create atmosphere and set the scene. You don't want to make the reader feel like they are just clicking a pointless flavor choice that you, the author, weren't even interested in enough to create some significant and unique descriptive text for.
-- Gower on 8/26/2019 7:20:37 PM with a score of 0
Ha! This game is amazingly funny. Every page has a funny and upbeat vibe, and I really liked the comical, even though it isn't a funny, deaths. It could be longer though, so I gave it a 5.
-- HappyTaco on 8/12/2019 12:58:50 PM with a score of 0
This story needs a lot of work to it. While it really wasn't terrible grammatically, it tended to have a lot of unnecessary slang and silliness in it. It also seemed like a lot of the early game choices were kind of meaningless. I really think this story would have benefitted from some more polishing. But it certainly wasn't the worst story I've read. Keep at it.
-- TurnipBandit on 8/11/2019 11:44:14 PM with a score of 0
This is better than your previous story, but you didn't proofread, there is far too much use of slang and the humour isn't funny at all.
-- RealKuriosIasoun on 8/8/2019 9:40:46 PM with a score of 0
There's a few spelling errors here and there in this.

The story places you in a semi-plausible kidnapping situation. I played through twice, the second time I escaped the first time I died from breakfast. So there is a bit of silliness there.
-- DerPrussen on 8/6/2019 5:52:45 PM with a score of 0
It certainly isn't bad for a first storygame.

It's straightforward enough, a kidnapper/child murderer arrives and attempts to capture you. Not at all a realistic story and the overuse of slang and Zoomer slang is making me feel old, but it was an entertaining 6 minutes.
-- castorgreatpoetguy on 8/2/2019 11:07:49 AM with a score of 0
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