Death Becomes You
, #52 for
played 1,858 times (finished 178)
"walk in the park"
"A nice jog down the driveway"
"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.
You're Dead! Congratulations. Click your way through. Find out why you.
Ooooh! That's a cool idea!
After reading this you have to ask, that feeling of deja vu could it be that you'd died and gotten another shot at life?
Anyways, like I said above it's a very cool idea, but you didn't manage to quite pull it off.
First off, the title is kind of confusing, and the summary is pretty vague and sorta uninteresting. When I first played this, I wasn't sure if the title was alluding to the fact that I'm Death, or if I'm gonna die in some way.
There were a few spelling/grammar mistakes, which could have been easily fixed, but I'd rather not dwell on that.
There was a lack of details...and honestly, the ending felt pretty boring to me. Really, it's a wonderful idea but I didn't like your writing, and it was too short.
As it is 3/8.
on 11/28/2017 8:15:16 PM
The spelling grammar needs work, as I noticed multiple errors in punctuation, and spelling. Remember not to rush storygames, and spend plenty of time proofreading to make sure mistakes like this aren't present.
The concept really was good, but i'm not sure it was executed very well. The plot had incredible potential, but the writing that captures the story was rather disappointing.
Descriptions were quite vague, and the storygame itself felt rushed because of the short length, little detail on most pages, and linear setting.
The writing itself wasn't exactly bad, it just needed a little polish. You need more character development and detail to make a storygame work, especially with a plot as vague and open ended as this one.
I'll say 3/8, it needs a lot of work, but it's a great concept and the writing was average.
on 5/13/2017 3:53:16 PM
Interesting concept, but could have had a lot more content. Some more mythology, more details, more consequences, etc.
on 9/29/2018 8:10:26 PM
-- V.O.I.D on 4/12/2018 6:18:50 AM
Interesting idea, though it could be expanded on, particularly in the reincarnations at various points or in the 'live again' option. Either way, what you have is pretty solid, if a bit brief, and I would say I enjoyed it, though I wouldn't rave about it.
on 12/4/2017 12:49:10 AM
It is a really good story
on 9/15/2017 10:32:14 AM
Wow, neat idea. Really liked it.
on 1/18/2017 1:52:01 PM
The concept and was rather nice, but there were a few issues. The grammar mistakes were a little distracting, and the details were sparse. There's also the fact that if you choose to talk the first time but then stay silent, the story acts as though you've chosen to stay silent twice.
on 1/11/2017 10:13:46 PM
I enjoyed it, though it might be better if it were a bit longer.
on 12/14/2016 8:43:45 PM
Yay I cleaned up my act!
on 11/21/2016 2:49:06 PM
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