, #55 for
played 8,090 times (finished 789)
"trek through the forest"
"Make sure not to blink"
"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.
You are a newly hatched dragon. Explore the world around you and live your life until your inevitable death.
I didn't like it.
First of all, it was incredibly short and I noticed about one sentence per page halfway through, which leads me to believe you felt the need to rush it and publish it as soon as possible. Spend more time on your storygames, please.
There was really no branching, I saw that each page had about three links on them, but guess what? Only one of them would progress me in the game. Every path led to death one or two clicks in, or it would take me back a page. It's annoying, because this is Choose Your Story, not Try To Randomly Determine Which Link Won't Kill You.
It was badly fleshed out, I noticed almost no detail and the situations seemed quite illogical.
You need to put more effort into your storygames, because you want to make something you can be proud of. Reading this, I don't think you should be proud of it. This storygame can be fixed if you add more detail, an actual plot, a better setting, a longer storygame in general, etc.
2/8, try harder.
on 3/19/2017 2:52:41 PM
There's not really much of a plot, nor any defined characters. While creating a novella of a storygame was probably not your goal, the lack of depth to the story really affected my enjoyment.
There are a few specific problems I have with with the storygame. At times you could repeat choices that shouldn't be repeatable, such as going to the village and eating the man over and over again. There were also some confusing sentences that could have been fixed by proofreading your work (eg. "The cave the nest is in a cave which has three entrances to the caverns surrounding the nest.").
on 3/3/2013 5:42:26 PM
I like the fact that you have a unique story. I can't say I've seen sometone else with the main character being a baby dragon, newly hatched. But why does his life have to end at death- whatever happened to old age rather than murder to accident? I mean, I didn't see one of those endings, but I didn't go looking for them all.
Also, I notice that this rather lacks some realism. These newborn dragons don't really act like bumbling children- especially if they're already large enough to fly and eat people. And one more thing, I got the impression that in one of the endings, the dragon is shot by a gun. In the time of dragons, there are no firearms. It lacks historical integrity (if you can call medeival fantasy history). Once again, you had a really good idea to start with but no where to take it.
on 4/24/2011 10:01:01 PM
While this story had many of the basics in place it felt more like a test run than a complete story.
Apart from the length being so short it has little character development or plot. While I understand stories that develop these as you go and uncover more information for yourself, this didn't have enough pages or description to do this so it is all simply left to the imagination.
In future concentrate on drawing the writer in with more information on the character, plot or 'hook' early on to keep them interested, then broaden the story with more description and length.
on 10/21/2016 1:23:27 PM
There is nothing fun about this game. I beat it in under 20 seconds in my first try
-- William on 10/10/2016 1:18:57 PM
-- Taliah on 9/2/2016 10:49:26 AM
This was shit. Seriously, I've seen dogshit that looks better than this.
-- Will on 8/23/2016 8:22:08 AM
Not much of a plot...
on 8/23/2016 4:07:40 AM
Not "STRAIGHTFORWARD!" Get it? If you fly straight, you die. Really, it was too straightforward.
on 7/29/2016 4:19:06 AM
on 7/23/2016 8:10:15 PM
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