Love & Dating
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played 149 times (finished 17)
"wandering through the desert"
"Not going to lose any sleep"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.
Part of Series
It's you and her against the world.
Entry for Endmasters Romance contest.
Ehh, maybe a little more romance would have helped.
So this story was interesting to say the very least, “lovers” in a post apocalyptic with numerous raiders and cannibals who will either loot your body or eat it.Not exactly the best setting for love, but hey it’s unique.
I feel like this was a long shot, considering the setting and all but you pulled the entertainment part off pretty well.It was just weird to see it in the love section, as while I only read one ending, it still had very little love in the atmosphere.
I state again, while I only read one ending, this stills means you have one ending without what this whole story is for, a contest entry for love and dating hosted by EndMaster Which very specifically focuses on love.
It was also a bit linear, as the only 1 choice meant you continued and 1 meant you probably died horribly, so linear, yeah I’ll put it that way.
Now I see what you were trying to go for here, putting your own twist in what would normally be, a easy to do average setting with an average plot with a tiny twist with maybe the character or how the story turns out.
So making this a bit darker was smart, since EndMaster specialises in the ‘Dark Arts’ or more commonly known as dark writing.Imma just call it ‘The Dark Arts.’ So anyways EndMaster as a ‘Dark Arts Wizard’ will probably enjoy the dark cannibalstic viscious unforgiving world that you have created.
I think you just need a bit more love.No not in the creepy way but just in your writing piece right here.All I really saw in the mall ending was that she lied that they were married or some odd stuff,(I feel like that’s important but I have no idea honestly) and I know they aren’t married due to this first or second page, maybe even third.So confusing.
Also since the age gap was about a 20 years difference it was hard to connect with the characters as lovers, maybe a bit more hardships would’ve helped?
Something that would bring them closer, him saving her, her saving him, second female saving him, second female saving her.Him having his little 2 pages or so to just talk to her, bring them closer, vice verse.You get the point.
Also a disclaimer:
As I Mistery have never made a game.My comments shouldn’t be taken to seriously as someone who has one or more games under their belt.I accept that I maybe can’t do as good as you did or many others writers have, so by reading this you accept to take the criticism that comes with making a storygame, whether it’s gosh darn entertaining!
Or doesn’t have enough of what’s its made for.
In a summary of what I just said, basically bring the characters a little bit closer with each other and that’s about it.
5/8 because that’s how I feel
P.S I’m just gonna say you have a chance to get an honorary position, maybe top 4 if EndMaster takes the other route that I didn’t.
on 3/12/2018 5:00:49 AM with a score of 0
on 3/20/2018 5:34:15 PM with a score of 0
This was pretty good for its length. There were some spelling and grammar errors, and one of the pages is the same even if your previous choice should have changed some dialogue.
The story was fun.
on 3/13/2018 9:57:32 PM with a score of 0
Pretty decent game, fact that you made it all on a phone over the course of two days made me rate a point higher than I probably would. 5/8
P.S. still waiting on that review, weeb.
on 3/12/2018 10:51:53 AM with a score of 0
It was a nice read. I didn't feel much for the characters, but the story made sense and had choices. All in all, I'd say it's fine.
-- HereToday on 3/11/2018 10:14:46 PM with a score of 0
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