Player Rating4.23/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 68 ratings since 02/25/2017
played 885 times (finished 90)

Story Difficulty2/8

"walk in the park"

Play Length5/8

"Not going to lose any sleep"

Maturity Level4/8

"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.

You're drifting in limbo above the surface of a dead world decimated by decades of war. Will you regain enough hope to survive, or fall into oblivion? 

This is my first Storygame on here. Originally I wrote it for a different game engine before changing it and was part of a much bigger story, but I've cut it down into this. Just my first foray into Storygames. 

There are five endings: two bad, one neutral and two good. Kudos to you if you get Ending 4 on your first try.

Player Comments

I liked the start of this story and how it created the setting. Then things started to get weird. I mean, I get that was apparently the point of the story, but the total…nothingness made it difficult to get into the story. With nothing but wind and slight movement, there really isn’t much to the story. I wonder if there could be more sound, or maybe even smells, to draw a little more out of the story. And even when something happens and I gain control of my muscles, there’s still really nothing. I’m falling, but that’s it. There’s no wind, no graphic descriptions of what I’m seeing, and little more. I think there could be a lot more to this story to really engage the reader a lot more than what I see in the story.

I think perhaps the story was just a little more abstract than I was prepared for. I reached an ending where I was a survivor – and I never really knew that I was supposed to be surviving, because I was so disconnected from the story. It seemed like a nice story, but I just couldn’t get into it because of its abstractness. I wonder if a little more explanation at the start might make things more clear, despite the intentions of the author. Or maybe there could be more feelings applied later in the story, maybe some feeling of a need to escape could be added somewhere.

Overall, a nice story with good writing. Thank you for sharing it with the site.
-- Ogre11 on 7/1/2018 5:47:42 PM with a score of 0
This is a well-written first storygame. I love the mood of the story and the atmosphere. Your grammar was near-perfect.

I didn't entirely understand the purpose of the story; I felt it would work as a prologue to a greater piece. The endings were especially interesting because of the way you wrote it. I gaped in despair when I realized that that was the end! It was a cruel cliffhanger.

Despite the mental state at the beginning, the character wasn't psychologically developed throughout the story. I liked the way you wrote the story at first - it did give that "drifty" feel - but you didn't explore the protagonist's emotions and mental health much. He didn't seem to feel fear or adrenaline falling from the sky. That feeling didn't get through to me.

When you wrote the descriptions of the protagonist for when he/she felt, for example, weightless, or when it occurred as a "pulsing" feeling, it would do well to compare it with something. I can't relate to what the person is experiencing. Did he feel weightless, shoved by the wind like downy feathers? Did the sense pulse through him as if ripples travelled through his body, shaking his mind?

You could do well with more descriptions of setting. Throughout the entire story, I pictured either a black or foggy-white background. There wasn't color. It all felt like a dream. Dream! That's the perfect word. The emotions seemed dulled, the colors blurry, the action slow. Mind you, the atmosphere you created was awesome.

I couldn't really connect with the protagonist because he/she isn't characterized well in the story. He/she did this, he/she did that. It was all actions. I couldn't find any vulnerabilities or traits that brought out the uniqueness of the protagonist.

This storygame, if revised and possible added on to, could be an exciting, engrossing story. The writing was expressive in a way, but lacked in the communicative sense. The writing itself is beautiful. Nice job~
-- Crescentstar on 3/1/2017 10:23:53 PM with a score of 0
Alright, this was an interesting first work. You clearly have competent writing skills, though the story was a bit surrealist for my personal preference. I've got endings 1-4, and am not sure if there are more. You've done a nice job with offering options that loop back to the original decision node while still offering a feeling that something happened.
I'm not sure what the larger story is here, this felt like a fragment of a much larger work, and as such I'm not able to sink into your world building as much as I'd liked to.
Would I like to read more from you? Yes. However, I'd recommend you add more content, and perhaps more definitive outcomes, this felt like a whisper on the wind - it teased more but had little substance as it is.

Still, good first go, looking forward to more from you.
-- StrykerL on 2/25/2017 10:33:41 PM with a score of 0
Got ending 4, and this was a pretty good story. It could have been longer though, it was an interesting story and world that I really enjoyed. I hope to see more from you.
-- corgi213 on 2/17/2018 11:29:12 PM with a score of 0
"Safe and sound
Whether by chance or your own skill, you have succeeded in making it this far. The barren earth stretches far and wide before you. A dead planet, bereft of life. You don’t know what’s out there for you. Maybe there’s nothing at all. But one thing is for sure: you have regained hope, and you burn with life. The future is yours to make.

Ending 3: Safe And Sound

You survived the fall to the surface without sacrificing anything. Your future is uncertain, but you are optimistic about what awaits you.

Would you like to try again?"
-- TestingJest on 12/4/2017 12:11:29 AM with a score of 0
i get props i guess it was east to get ending:4
-- AurondragonTyr on 10/24/2017 11:51:58 PM with a score of 0
Great great great first story. It sounds like a prologue to a great story! I could see the protagonist searching the land for survivors and going on many adventures fighting monsters. You should definitely expand this a bit more.
-- nm13757 on 10/15/2017 4:19:21 PM with a score of 0
Very good short story.

It sounded like some sort of ghost that remained in the Necromancers dead world.

8/8 Safe & Sound
-- Multiverse on 9/7/2017 8:43:35 AM with a score of 0
Me likey! This was interesting, and sadly short. Mayhaps you could make a second "chapter"? Meaning, PLZ MAKE ANOTHER ONE OMG THIS WAS AMAZING!! Heh. Seriously, though, keep up the good work/amazing writing.
--A completely random person who happened across this masterpiece
-- Yo. on 3/4/2017 12:23:40 PM with a score of 0
Good stuff...

Yes, indeed, this was a nicely written story. No errors in grammar/spelling that I've spotted, and that's a good thing. However, plot seems to be a mere prelude to something far greater in scale...

I don't much like cliffhanger stories, because I feel I've been quite cheated on the content, but I'm willing to give this a chance. Everything seems surreal, e.g. falling on rocks with no damage at all, etc. *SPOILER* Is it discussing the character's struggle to rise from unconsciousness? *END SPOILER*

Overall, I hope you'll expand on this story, and if you do, make it a good one. This managed to not be the worst story I've read. 5/8.
-- AgentX on 3/4/2017 5:09:59 AM with a score of 0
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