Light Space

I write this review, knowing that it is now 12 years after the story was published...

A few days ago, I reviewed another story by this same author that was too obviously a Star Trek knock-off, with all of the same tropes and hardly any ingenuity. The previous story by the author had reminded me of Robotech, or one of those similar weekday cartoons from the mid-1980s. While I could relate to the nostalgia aspect of those stories, I otherwise derived little entertainment from them.

This story was somewhat more original, and it at least didn't have me thinking of which sci-fi series this reminded me of the most. That said, despite a few moments of interest, the story was thin and left me wishing for an "end story" link so I could get on with my life.

Nevertheless, I persisted until I reached what I presumed was the preferred ending, and here I am now, recording my thoughts.

The story began weakly, with two characters on the bridge of a ship citing procedural technobabble back and forth to each other. As the reader, I had no clue what the situation was, why I cared what I was doing, or why I should shed a tear when my copilot Karl slumped over in his seat.

Then begins a nightmarish sequence in which the "story" has me wandering up and down a corridor looking for a room to enter. Besides the bridge, there are only four other rooms to enter, as it turns out, and only two are interesting.

Why do so many writers of these storygames think it's so damned interesting to enter and exit rooms? Is that what they do in real life for fun? "Gee whiz, this room is empty. Should I go back in the hall? Should I enter this room again? Should I go in the door directly across the hallway? Do I seriously believe this is an engaging form of storytelling?"

There are moments in "Light Space" when I began to have hope that a real story might start to unfold. One began with this line:

"Firstly, the bed is made. You can't remember ever having made your bed. Secondly, and more disturbingly to you, the sheets are bright pink with little white bunny rabbits on them!"

I LOVED that I was upset by the discovery of bedsheets with white bunny rabbits! But this sequence led directly to the introduction of a somewhat interesting character. Without giving away any details, there were interesting implications to the presence of this particular person that could have been explored more deeply. Doing so would have also enriched my character, as well as the relationship to the Andromeda, which at a subtextual level seems deeply profound the Dobson family.

But instead of going that route, the author thought it would be more fun to have me going from door to door, desperately hoping that something different might happen the eighteenth time I enter cargo bay, or Karl's quarters, or the galley, or the bridge.

When something different did finally happen, I had no idea why. Not that I was ungrateful to have the story advance after being pointlessly stalled for so long, but I was disappointed that a story that had an inkling of promise ultimately proved to be overrated.

I gave a few points for grammar and sentence structure (the author is apparently from one of those countries with Queen Elizabeth II on the currency, because "realize" is consistently spelled "realise," and "meter" is every now and then spelled "metre") but in the end I found this to be an unsatisfactory storygame, because most of the options led absolutely nowhere.

This game deserves every bit of praise it gets. Despite the plot being fairly linear, there was a surprisingly good amount of freedom and exploration options. The diction was very good, and some of the best I've read on this site as far as the lighter reads are concerned. The idea of something that isn't just normal time travel is a fascinating concept, and you made a great adventure of it here, making it accessible to anyone reading it. Also, I am probably in the minority about this, but I am fond of the ending's ambiguity. I enjoyed the memory idea very much.

That being said, I did have a few problems with it. There's at least one page that did not have any links on it. (Thank goodness for the back option.) It also didn't have as much emotional weight as I expected, although, I give that a pass, as I don't believe this is the type of story meant for that. Other than that, this was a great storygame and easily one of my new favorites.

And for the record, the art were great, too. Simple, but effective for describing what's being seen.

Beautifully written as always tsmpaul, but I think this story is your best based on sheer creativity and smart execution. Tackling time is no easy matter and you pulled it off brilliantly! I also love all the pictures you created - they have this muted feel which adds to them somehow. Plenty of choices, just the right length, felt very satisfied. One of, if not the best, stories on the site.

Hell nah, these texts are way to long.

very funny, but sad to early...

DANG this one's good! Creative concepts, good characters and dialogue, and it's in space!

11/10. Definitely give this one a try.

I only played through once, resolving the root of the LSJD issue, so I don't know if there are alternate endings. The concepts here are interesting and have potential for further expansion. It would be nice to reduce some of the ship travel in favor of exploring the grand daughter's universe in more detail. The time paradox issue is somewhat unsatisfactory because there is no hint at what caused the paradox, and why it doesn't occur to everyone entering LSJD coordinates. I think an adjustment to make the paradox have to do with the grand daughter's universe is one solution to liven up the resolution of the story and simultaneously provide more depth. There are some options that seem like choices, but end up navigating you back to a smaller list of choices until you're down to one. This is a pattern called railroading that takes away the power of the player; I suggest restructuring to avoid these, or getting preemptively rid of them, saying the player already tried or considered them. If Karl hadn't immediately died and could travel with you, dialog and further dynamism could've been added to the story where it was much needed, walking through the passageways before getting to the grand daughter's universe.

I suppose your writing is better than many I have encountered, and 2nd PoV is hard to use, but this was really bloody boring. If you want to write, try starting in 3rd person, then 1st, then, if you really want to, (though no one is forcing you) 2nd.

The story wasn't bad, but it didn't really feel like the choices had much impact on what happened.

it was kinda boring ngl.