Player Comments on Light Space

Wow. A very intricate and well executed plot.
Can't help being a little disappointed with the ending, though. My granddaughter said I survived an accident and told stories of jumping into the future etc, yet the ending implies that everything that happened is negated and everything goes back to normal. In other words, my actions can change entire histories. But then, when the coordinates were input the first time, I caused something that had happened already...
I feel that a better ending would have been one minor change:
The coordinates my granddaughter gave me weren't necessarily those of my initial destination (she's further in the future, and the ship is most likely in a different location.) So, when Karl and I emerge in a different place than expected it's taken to be some kind of malfunction (accident), even though I protest that explanation. This way it links up with her story.

This is good writing. I noticed that you generally had one overriding arc, and you set the decisions to (more or less) lead the reader to that conclusion. I really like the idea of the reader having the ability to pick up things; it's a nice touch. The only critisim that I would have is that at the climax of the story it very much reminds me of Star Trek: Next Generation episodes of "Data Squared" and "Cause and Effect". Be careful not to reinvent the wheel in Sci-Fi.

Beautifully written as always tsmpaul, but I think this story is your best based on sheer creativity and smart execution. Tackling time is no easy matter and you pulled it off brilliantly! I also love all the pictures you created - they have this muted feel which adds to them somehow. Plenty of choices, just the right length, felt very satisfied. One of, if not the best, stories on the site.

Meh. I've had better. Maybe research the science stuff more first?

brilliant mission, though the ending was a bit anti-climatic

I enjoyed it. Thank you!

My brain hurts, confusing but damn awesome! Way to go!

love all the time travel

Okay, that was amazing. And awesome. And perfectly paced. And everything. No criticisms.

confusing but good!

This has to be one the better choose your own adventure stories that i have read on this site. Thanks for posting it.

i wish i got to blow stuff up... however shooting pirates was awesome.... acl class suxs

its fun but you have to read it not press bottons or youll get killed

lite way fun if bored ....

It's kinda linear,but the sci-fi element and time-travel logic makes up for it.
Keep up the good work!

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nice

this is sooooo aggervating. -_-

Oh my gosh the logic used to make this is unbelievable.

Frustrating... I thought the story was very interesting and well-written, but it felt like it wasn't a choose your own adventure because no matter what I did I ended up in the same place. It was like I was being funneled down a path; I could choose the order in which I decided to do things, but I couldn't change the things I had to do. So it'd be nice if I had more choices. I felt like I had no choice the whole time.

I thought it was a rad experience for young sexy minds and all the brothas and sistas should play it for years to come. I mean, its got space, its got time travel, its got Karl. Like seriously, who wouldn't want to play a rad and sexy game that not only has space and pirates and stuff, but Karl. I give this game a 10 out of 8. I hope you fill the minds of sexy, beautiful sci-fi fans for years to come, you sexy author, you.

Meh.....Im not a travle forward/back and allover time stories kinda guy so....I didn't like it

I really enjoyed this story, I thought the you being at the time and the other you doing something was pretty cool.

very well written, fantastic imagination, i just enjoyed it... thanks and hope to read more from u

That was an exciting and very touching story game. I am really big on time travel and alternate dimensions, the non-linearity of time, and you scratched that itch. Thank you for making this fun game.

I thought this was amazingly well written and I loved all the twists and turns! Great job :)

Nice story line,Though the thing i really like about this game is that there are pictures that gives you a better image of how it looks like

I enjoyed this game. I only have one complaint but its more or less nitpicking so I'll get to it later. I really enjoyed the story and how it all worked out. You could tell that you put a lot of effort into it and I enjoyed it immensely.
Now for my one nitpick.
(This does include spoilers)
There is a part in the story where you can be sucked into space and it causes you to die. However the way you described the death was inaccurate. (I know its not a big deal and I just thought I'd tell you because I personally think its an interesting little bit of information) In space you wouldn't flash freeze as you described because there is no medium to suck the heat away from you. The only way you would freeze is through radiation of heat which would take HOURS and HOURS to fully freeze your body. Secondly, the worst thing you'd have to worry about is the air being ripped out of your lungs and all of your intestines tightening up until there isn't any room left in them. But again this is mostly just me being nitpicky. Loved the story.

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It's very interesting. I died though, so I'm going to try again.

Amazing that you were able to keep such track on all the changes in time/location!!! Really impressive. Interesting story and a fun adventure!

very strange game but fun

i just remembered these style of books from my childhood and i love how adult versions are available online, thank you.

Nice Story :-) I enjoyed every minute of it

it took me a while but i think il try this again

At the end, he does not remember the young woman, but how was he able to re-tell the story that he met his granddaughter in the ship?

Good game.

Nice story, very long and good. Not enough action parts, and some parts were more chanceish.

OMG! CRAZYNESS!

a bit too easy, it seems? I might just have gotten lucky, but the story felt quite linear... Still, I'm always glad to be able to play one of your stories :)

Awesome game!

Maybe it's that I'm attention deficit, but I simply got bored reading. I think it would be better if it moved faster. Also, vary confusing. You should try it, everyone, its actually vary good, and he put tuns of work into it. Sorry!

Epic. Just, epic.

pretty fun. i would like to see more wrighting from you :D

great very fun love the idea

That was an awesome game! Very well written, and just a cool concept. Definitely one I'd play again. Nice use of weapons, and nice characters - and SPACE PIRATES! Awesome :)

awesome, you should make a second one, It's awesome

Good sci-fi experience!

Good sci-fi experience!

Very detailed game. BRILLIANT idea. When I play this game I really get caught up in the story, and I feel like I'm actually in the spaceship.

I thought it was very good. I liked the ending, how it implied death, but could be interpreted in many ways

Interesting plot. This is the first story I've read on this site, so unfortunately I don't have a good base of comparison.

This is a great story, thanks for making it.
I really enjoyed it and found very few errors, and the concepts were very interesting.

Great story for beginners.

good game.

Nice plot and choices. It really feels like your there. Nice job

Wow! That was so suspenseful and crazy. The whole time I was strongly hoping I would not die or end up a a dead end. My choices were good, and I ended up jumping successfully. That was interesting and confusing. You'd almost think that after successfully jumping the story would repeat, but then,
the story will repeat when the granddaughter is older.
Time paradoxes can get so frustrating to think about! Great story.

Its awesome but it gave me headaches!! Mind raping device

Creative and mind-bending. Well done!

This book is a very exiting and good book but some times theirs is a bit to much bits where you die they should be more happy ending but when I started reading this book it got in too my mind like it was real its a killer book

I like this story because you can pick what you want to do like kill the person.. :) very happy

I may simply be lucky or even careful but I managed to finish the game and get the "best" ending? in fifteen minutes. Likely just a fluke to pick all the perfect selections. All in all though it was a pretty good story. Only complaint is I didn't feel as though I was met with any difficulty.

This was a great story! I only died twice, and the time warping was done perfectly! Thanks again!

Good story, I got blown up by a grenade though!

Thanks!

Coolest online choose ur own adventure I've played so far I'm gonna hoP in again and try again I didnt make it very far the first time and I'm excited to try again!

This was pretty fun! But I will say I was immediately yanked out of the story when I announced to my granddaughter that my name is Michael Dobbs...because I'm a girl in real life. :-/ I'm not sure that can be fixed, but maybe for future projects you'd do better to write a plot that doesn't specify/limit gender.

Wonderful! The twists and actions were fantastic. It peaked my interests. This was just awesome - plot twists for the win!

Awesome, simply awesome

I loved this.^_^ I read it about a year ago and came back and decided to reread it again today! This story is truly unique, and I love the way you handled time travel. You have a gift for creating fascinating stories! This is one of the best on this site! Bravo, Bravo!!!!!

Very nice and intricate use of time travel. Well done!

very good. could of had more endings on the pirate ship, and mayhbe more use of karl. after all, time dont matter on this ship.. thanks for the story.

It was really cool. Thanks for the experience and keep up the good work!

liked the game, liked the paradox :D

really confusing in the begining,but awesome in the end!8/8

A fun, short time-waster. It's got a simple, yet complex story that definitely grabbed me.

Ummmm.... Words can't describe how good this is.

This is really fun, but I'm a bit confused. If I don't remember what happened, and I don't tell my grand daughter, how will my past self survive? Will I cease to exist past this day when current time reaches the time that my grand daughter will meet my past past self. Oh gosh, that has my head spinning. Thank godness there is no such thing as time travel. Probably do more bad then good.

even better than Reeses' Cups®

It's a fairly good story for how short it is. I would recommend this to anyone that has a few extra minutes for a quick and interesting story.

short, but good!

I WON!

Very engaging, great writing

Love this. =D it was very fun, the only problem was that while the whole time I was trying to blow up everything it seemed not to work and even send me on a different path. This bug makes it more or less a great thing to poop on... =D

A story that can make you feel fear and manages some time travel in a smart way.

Wish I remembered my G.D.

Should have more mystery

pretty good, but confusing

even lightspace needs to stop t a reststop once and a while

Weird... but nice...

Hmm...I don't think the people rating this story so low understand it completely.

It's worth about a 5 or 6, the writing being good, but it is quite easy. And easily confusing, although the overall story isn't quite too difficult to follow.

I beat it in 10 minutes, and yes, I read everything that happened to me.

it's amazing and very exciting very good i love it:) it is better than reese's cups lol

great!

I won.

poop

this was indeed one of the best games ever!!! i killed some pirates, charlie got injured, caused the light space incident, saved myself, met my grandaughter... ha, i'm satisfied... very satisfied.

I haven't been on this site for about a year, and I've really missed it. This story is awesome, fun to play, and doesn't get dull, this is really worth it.

Pretty good game, even though it was pointless(seeing how the whole adventure in the future was forgotten.)

I actually made it through this time! There's suspense, there's action, it's mentally stimulating, and the end was very fulfilling. Loved it!

I died, but it was still pretty fun!

Quite good. It'd be nice if there were skills involved for when you actually understand what is happening and so on.

Great Story! Great Game!

Good: The plot was really good. I loved the Space Odyssey feel of it all. The pictures were really cool too. The items looked good as well.

Bad: Nothing I can think of... maybe a map of the ship would be better, but it wasn't needed.

Ugly: Nothing I can think of. The game is beautiful ;)

This is one of my favorites.

Very cool Sci-Fi - fun fun :)

i loved this story it really made me feel like i was making progress in somthing and then mindf****d me at the end it was amazing and wish i could rate it higher

I love time travel. That's all that needs to be said!

I got the good ending, i think. It was kinda fun

Boo ya!

this is a good story dont shoot the pirates

goood.

very good. i got a little confused for a min but it was well written so i could navigate round properly. i really liked this one. i wonder is there is more than one good ending?

I really like science fiction stories. I have ever read many book and seen the movies which talk about science fiction stories. I don't have a lot experience about that. I think that the people will reach the time in the future. And we can travel through the time. But, we don't know yet. My opinion, to perform about that we need to know more about univers, planet, light,math, physical, chemistry,etc.

It IS BETTER THAN A REESE'S CUP!

it was really good. i luv the ending! in the middle it was slightly cofusing. also, i think u should use lil more pics. so we can get an idea about wat the grand daughter looked like and stuff like that. but overall good.

A bootstrap? I really didn't see that coming (lol)
As far as time travel stories go, I think this one's quite good.

lol @ Sakuni.

This was ok. At first it was great, but then it got boring. There was excitement, but I would like it better if you were right-2-the-point. I rated it a: Slightly Better Than Homework. Sorry, but got 2 say the truth. By the way, one of your pictures, was, lets say not the right way. Hope I was slightly nice!

My “sign”? $JE…

My sign is under strict copyright!


Copyright © 2011 Sakuni Egodawatte:

$JE…

Nicely done, I did notice one grammar error, but that's all, The logic of the paradoxes was driving me round the bend a few times too.

confusing and fun all around!

cool

Very nice. I'm working on a story with a time mage in it right now and I've gotta say planning it makes my head hurt. And remember, kids, a time paradox can only be truly solved with another paradox, or Link.

A rather good game, I must say. Very interesting. I enjoyed it very much.

That was surprisingly difficult to navigate, and a little annoying at times. Still, it's a decent game worth playing.

I really think adventure stories are awesome and i would like to read another one. I came upon this site by means of "I just wanted to find a story i could choose to be in and decide what happens." I kinda didnt like how it was kinda leading me to force a choice every now and then and maybe there couldve been more choices but i love all kinds of stories like this. I loved it.

Great Game! I loved it. One thing though. At the end, you forget what happened, yet your grand-daughter told you you talked all about it. thtat kind oof ruins it, dont you think? still, great game.

Awesome game!!

Nice interesting story, gotta love time travel.

i think its perfect good stroy a strange twist(when u find out about the women is you granddaughter) but i can improve on some more deatils and you need more ways to die and after awhile i sorta got stuck like didnt let me into the cargo area or the ships gallery but its very fun to play and a earlier commet said its like star track i agree im not saying u might have copy star track but it seems like it i hope u make more of these storys good work and thanks

Cool story, I was surprised I didn't find it confusing at all

Very good story. Quite abstract and unique. My one criticism is the inconsistency in the memory of the event. At the end, there is merely an image in the pilot's head of a girl, whereas earlier in the tale, when meeting with your granddaughter, she tells you how you used to talk about the event (which I assume from this means the pilot remembered it well).
Small problem in an otherwise excellent story.

Very imaginative!

Awsome

Excellent story thats well written and put together. Recommend this to just about anyone.

Was a decent enough read. Finished it a little prematurely, however. Mainly down to my choices, of course.

I came across this by accident,& I thoroughly enjoyed it. Keep up the good work! You're very creative!

It is okay.

This game is really awesome! You know, unlike the others it have an history that to understand it you must think about it a little! This game requires your full attention too since only one wrong option and you're done for good! Really like it and i really recommend it!

Wow. That was really good.

Interesting...

A very enjoyable experience indeed. Many Thanks. Debra

Entertaining scenario. Not difficult, though, and is there a way to wrong? I only found one death route.

I liked the mindbender aspect of the story, trying to keep up with the time-travel conundrum. I enjoyed there being so many choices, and the writing gave good visuals when there weren't pictures, like the description of the scene outside the cockpit when Andromeda was docked on a planet. The granddaughter interaction was pretty interesting. There was one problem, though, and that was the contradiction with saying that you must get out alive since your granddaughter remembers you telling a story about this time you were stuck in Light Space, but then several threads end up with you dying. And then at the true ending, you only remember the granddaughter's face but nothing else about what happened -- this doesn't make sense if later you are telling the granddaughter this story. The only other thing I would change besides clearing up these contraditions is to not describe the transition betw

It thrilled me from the beggining to the end. Congratulations.

I did it! Amazing story going along with the game it is the best i've ever played!

Very few actual branches but a good read.

I got trapped in an endless loop in the galley/cargo bay and had to restart.

This is a great example of how to construct a great adventure! Instant deaths are very rare, but every action has a consequence, even if only slightly. The story was very well written and original. I had a blast.

Original Concept... Very nice story... two thumbs up!!!

Normally I'm not into sci-fi, but this was wonderfully done.

Very cool! Interesting premise, and you carry it out very well.

THat was cool! very trippy.

An awesome game!

Wow... I love time travel paradoxes. Perfectly done, and well written.

This is awesome. The only thing it needs is a sequel! THAT WOULD BE AWESOMER!!!!!

Brilliant. I love how you mixed just the right amounts of bizarreness and coherency. Wish it had been longer, though. And perhaps even a bit more bizarre?
But, a great story! Time well spent.

Great idea. Could use a little bit more development, though.

Love the time travel, but it could get confusing. This really reminds me of Star Trek. Anyway, I'm glad I finally won!

Love the time travel, but it could get confusing. This really reminds me of Star Trek. Anyway, I'm glad I finally won!

Wow, confusing. How did you come up with all of the time-shifts and stuff? I honestly couldn't handle that kind of thing.
Great Story!

Whoa, awesome. Confusing too. Weird how you somehow fixed time and the LSJD accident never happened, but your granddaughter knew about it.
A (time) wizard did it?

Sweet story man, got alot of good ideas for the future...but maybe the computers in the future cold have safeguards against using tow coordinates at the same time. either way nice game loved it

Beautiful.

It was a wonderful story, good ideas of time travel in space. One problem though, THERE IS NO GRAVITY IN SPACE.

one word:
awesome

Wow. That was wicked. Yup, inter-dimensional/time travel is confusing. Great writing, great atmosphere, and even though there were a few characters, they were really interesting. This is just superb.

great story...really nice...

This was a very well thought out and well written game. defiantly a good game to play.

Above average story.

Cons: One page didn't have any choices. The items didn't seem to be of much use. The spatial descriptions were a little too difficult to keep up with. Just something about the writing style that was more confusing than interesting.

Pros: Good plot. Good pictures. Good length.

Could have done better but it's not a bad piece at all.

Wow, nice!

WOW...Oh my goodness, WOW... I am speachless... That was so cool...

One minor problem, though: At one point "I" (the main character) considered whether "I" had done something that, really, I had never done. I don't want to spoil any details for future players, but I'll PM you, tsmpaul, if you don't know what I'm talking about and would like to. Again, amazingly great game. I wish I could rate it a 9.

Good pictures, good game! Usually I dislike games with too many sentences and paragraphs, but this is not to long and not too short, reminds me of my first CYOA book.

You are a inspiration

pretty cool. i can see why it made best rated game. The pictures were really sweet, too.

Fantastic!

Wow. This is really another great science fiction story (not that I would expect anything less from tsmpaul). The distorted pictures add to the effect. I experienced some confusion in the parts right after I met my future granddaughter, though.

Great writing, nice use of pictures, 8/8 anouthger great game tsm paul

Very nicely done! Also well written.

wow that was some gd story stuff. Great vocab :)

Wow...how do you make such incredibly good games??

8/8 Easily. Good work Tsmpaul, very good work.

Very Good, Great work TSMPAUL!!!

Having re-played this, I decided it's an 8 not a 7. Apart from this game, I have only ever rated a game 8 once (Mommy).

some of the best writing and creativity on the site. im impressed.

Awesome story! 8/8! It deserves an award of some kind. I like how you used the feel from The Object of moving through time. Hope to see more in the future!

Another terrific game, sir. Well worthy of an eight.

AWESOME! 7/8! I urge every sci-fi lover on this site to play this game. It involves Time Paradoxes, Space Pirates and some awesome writing.