, #119 for
played 254 times (finished 64)
"march in the swamp"
"Make sure not to blink"
"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.
Based Off A True Story
A story inspired by
A Long Way Gone
by Ishmael Beah.
Ok. Kudos for writing a story-game about something original and exciting with a good writing style. The main downside for me is that it was too brief; as an example I will use the first sentence which is "You are staying at the village of Mattru Jong in Sierra Leone with your group of friends when members of the Revolutionary United Front (RUF) rebels attack.".
My questions mainly are who am I? Do I live in the village? Do I have connections with the RUF? Later I learn that I have a family in the village, who are they? What are my personal opinions on anything in this story because all I am going on is my knowledge of the film Blood Diamond.
You need to flesh this out. It's an exciting prospect but you can't just drop a Westerner in the deep end where hostile African politics resorts to violence without more explanation. This is a good start but the reader's character needs background or all of our understanding comes from popular culture, which is mainly popular because it simplifies complex issues.
Excellent idea but needs development :)
on 2/5/2015 11:52:34 AM with a score of 0
I have to give this a 2/8 for many reasons (though there are some-though limited-decent portions of the story).
For starters, this is either a plagiarized or shorter version of a long way gone by Ishmael Baeh (so yes, I have read the book). If that is the case, or this story is inspired by it, then it should be a fan fiction, not modern adventure.
In that regard, there is a fair amount of detail per page (you do not need to write fifty paragraphs to have decent amounts of content), but the main issue is that the overall story itself is not detailed enough; you create detailed individual scenes, but then have the choices and leave major gaps in story and time. If you watch anime, you pretty executed a "Sword Art Online."
There is that, and then there is the over abundance of death pages/endings. I am aware of the fact that Baeh's book is not light on dark content, but the way in which you used them was too overt and unnecessary.
If you choose to improve the story, just keep these things in mind and (possibly) move it to fan fiction. Also, for anybody reading this comment, read the story mentioned earlier in this post; it's pretty good.
on 2/5/2015 9:26:09 AM with a score of 0
This actually wasn't that bad. I enjoyed the setting and how the story progressed. However, it IS very linear and that's reflective of the low ratings. If you could add some branching options then it would be interesting to see where you could take this.
on 5/26/2017 7:09:32 AM with a score of 0
This was really bad!!!!
on 10/12/2016 2:05:53 PM with a score of 0
Hmm, now that I replayed this a few more times, I feel like this is a more well rounded effort despite my small issue with it's length. The quality is still there I believe. ^^
Oh, and for what it was* (just a tiny correction made on my previous review.)
on 7/22/2016 11:52:32 PM with a score of 0
It was very interesting but it's too short sadly. I did enjoy this for what is was though.
on 7/22/2016 11:48:27 PM with a score of 0
I liked the plot, it was really interesting and I think it could've been a great story if you'd made the game longer, fleshed out the characters and given the game some back story. As the story was, it wasn't bad, just short.
on 1/14/2016 7:07:20 AM with a score of 0
"Long gone" was shortly gone
on 7/17/2015 9:29:31 AM with a score of 0
ummm I think I won... IDK
-- derpybacon on 5/17/2015 12:05:09 PM with a score of 0
I think I won? But it was a short but interesting game.
on 3/3/2015 2:11:34 PM with a score of 0
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