Mazkil

Player Rating6.11/8

"#72 overall, #10 for 2015"
based on 223 ratings since 01/04/2016
played 3,136 times (finished 258)

Story Difficulty5/8

"run through the jungle"

Play Length7/8

"It keeps going and going"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.

Take control of a young, aggressive Orc named Mazkil, of the Tribe the Red Blades, in his attempt to make his way in the world. Become an honored Chieftain of your tribe or become a feared Soldier for the Kingdom of Man.

Please comment and rate, tell me if you find any bugs. Enjoy!

Player Comments

I really should have read the prequel before 'The Path of Death', but it was quite interesting in this order. I feel like Skyrim was a big influence on both of them, though I might be wrong. Anyway, I really enjoyed this story, though I think the sequel topped it in most ways. Onto what I liked:

Choppy, consistently packed with fast paced action, and brutally humourous. For me, that sums up this story, and it was impressively long as well. Even at a third of the size of the sequel, this took some time getting through! You've clearly put some thought into how Dagden would be different as an orc growing up in the castle compared to those like Mazkil in the Red Blades tribe and it shows in the writing. Mazkil was more brutal, savage (in insults and actions), and blood-loving than the slightly more civilised Dagden. I thought the differences were subtle enough not to force it down the reader's throat like 'hey, look at me: I can write different characters' and obvious enough to pick up on, so well balanced overall. One thing I did prefer with this one was that the health bar seemed to matter more. It actually got near to 0 a few times, making me think 'crap, better actually think about my decisions'. In 'The Path of Death' I don't think I saw that really, so that was good. You're clearly a Nirvana fan too and I'm sure there were loads of other name-based references I missed or forgot or didn't get!

Right, onto the brutal criticism aimed to instil crippling insecurity:

I thought that there weren't nearly as many characters that really stood out compared to the sequel, though that might just be more a byproduct of this one's shorter length than anything. I also noticed that you switched fonts again kind of randomly (at least you were consistent with it though!), along with some repetitions of words and grammatical mistakes (again, especially later on). Just needs proof reading a few more times really. Another thing, which I also noticed with the sequel, is that there's quite a lot of 'You do this. You do that.' Reading it out loud sounds a bit like a list, so starting sentences with qualifiers or subordinate clauses would fix that. Or talking about other characters in between.
Oh yeah, a few specific things. When I searched the ground I just kind of... died. For no reason (Unless you have some weird hatred of people looking around for stuff). There was also a bit where I chose to tell the archers to shoot instead of shielding or something, and I took a few arrows and broke a few ribs. You'd expect that'd probably bruise at the least, but the fact that I lost no health says otherwise. You've got a thing for orc characters who break ribs and just bounce right back: it happened in the sequel too!
All in all, a really great story.
7/8

-- AzBaz on 6/11/2017 2:37:21 PM with a score of 0
Wow, I'm glad I decided to browse around the new stories list a little, I almost missed this one completely. A solid, entertaining read, lots of good action scenes and there was a LOT more content than I expected. I hadn't noticed the 7/8 length so I was half expecting it to end after the fight over who got to be chief, and there still would've been more to it than a lot of stories here.

There were a few minor issues with capitalization (you seem to like to capitalize Random Nouns on occasion) and I noticed some punctuation errors. In particular there were issues with the dialogue tags.

For instance:

"The sun wishes us good luck. We'll do well in the battle." One of the Orcs near you says happily.
"Cease your superstitions, Nagrak. We might not even fight today." Another replies.

Just fyi (since it may be easiest just to give an example) these should be punctuated like so:

"The sun wishes us good luck. We'll do well in the battle," one of the Orcs near you says happily.
"Cease your superstitions, Nagrak. We might not even fight today," another replies.

You use the period at the end of a line of dialogue only when it's not followed by a tag, and the tag itself 'he said' etc' is still a part in the middle of the overall sentence and so doesn't need to be capitalized. Even in the case of a question or exclamation mark, it would be lowercase. ("What's going on?" he asked.)

Nothing to worry too much about though, it's one of the more common mistakes I've seen people make and something I did myself for the longest time until it was pointed out to me.

Another round of proofreading wouldn't hurt (on the page Awaken, after surviving the duel with the brother, the text is chopped up like it was copy and pasted wrong) but most of the issues were small ones and more a matter of polish than anything that hurt the actual story. And the story was such a fun one, I enjoyed owning the role and picking all the most orcish options possible (Er, sorry little elf baby but I'm an orc not Spiderman... >.>) and just stomping faces in all day erry day.

I got the ending where I died after killing the elf princess on the field of battle and it was a suitably badass way to go, but I take it there were other major branches I missed?

The only thing I can think that I'd like to see added were some descriptions of the major characters, even if very basic ones. But I see you're working on another orc story, and I'm very much looking forward to it. I love when people try to tackle the idea of how an orc society would actually work, and otherwise do a little more with them than just making them mindless berserking battle fodder.
-- mizal on 1/23/2016 2:59:30 AM with a score of 0
Cool
-- Oberon on 10/14/2017 7:46:12 PM with a score of 0
This is a fun action adventure with some decent depth and an author who clearly respects and fleshed out their own material. Not overly long nor overly short, this would make a great epic if it was lengthened while maintaining the same quality. As others have noticed there are some errors in spelling and convention, but nothing so heinous that you ever have trouble understanding the authors clear intent. A solid breadth of choices and possible outcomes, this story is very reminiscent of a well done choose your own adventure book from when I was a kid, with some slightly more adult twists.
-- kyo787 on 4/11/2017 2:32:59 AM with a score of 0
Great story! It's nice to read a CYOA with so many branching paths. In my first playthrough, my Mazkil became a soldier for the human Empire, made an epic, battle of Thermopylae-esque last stand against the Elves, and ended up becoming a legend. In my second playthrough, Mazkil became Chieftain of the Red Blades, separated his Tribe from the Human Empire as much as possible, and joined the other Chieftains in a war against the Humans that resulted in a complete route for their army, and independence for the Orcs.

Also: nice warhammer 40k reference in the second storyline, lol: Gorgutz of the Evil suns wishes you a merry WAAAGHmas!
-- Harold the friendly Ape on 3/14/2017 9:47:42 PM with a score of 0
My favorite ending was when we crippled the elf army when we were supposed to die quickly.
-- GigaKnight on 3/7/2017 10:51:02 PM with a score of 0
And another story tops the charts...

Once again, Steve's Story Factory has churned out a product worthy of good ratings, and that is exactly what I shall give you. Many word errors, but they weren't enough to significantly lower the experience. It's hard to be concerned about correct spelling in the middle of a battle, beheading enemies with massive sword swipes...

Immersive with the bloody spectacular action and with an acceptable storyline and choices, you've helped to complete my day.

Cents you shall be showered in. 6/8.
-- AgentX on 3/4/2017 7:17:20 AM with a score of 0
This has been a fun game to play. I have played many stories in the past, but this has turned out to be very detailed. Aside from the spelling errors in the game, I got a lot from the plot, the action sceens were great, and the spelling didn't take away from the story.
-- Shinobi on 2/27/2017 12:32:54 PM with a score of 0
well yet another good story with many typos. overall a good read.
-- jcury on 2/21/2017 1:51:28 AM with a score of 0
Yay I got the march of progress ending
-- CeruleanFlare on 12/17/2016 3:44:44 PM with a score of 0
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