Mazkil

Player Rating6.16/8

"#65 overall, #10 for 2015"
based on 283 ratings since 05/08/2018
played 1,076 times (finished 49)

Story Difficulty4/8

"march in the swamp"

Play Length7/8

"It keeps going and going"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.

Take control of a young, aggressive Orc named Mazkil, of the Tribe the Red Blades, in his attempt to make his way in the world. Become an honored Chieftain of your tribe or become a feared Soldier for the Kingdom of Man.

Please comment and rate, tell me if you find any bugs. Enjoy!

Player Comments

I really should have read the prequel before 'The Path of Death', but it was quite interesting in this order. I feel like Skyrim was a big influence on both of them, though I might be wrong. Anyway, I really enjoyed this story, though I think the sequel topped it in most ways. Onto what I liked:

Choppy, consistently packed with fast paced action, and brutally humourous. For me, that sums up this story, and it was impressively long as well. Even at a third of the size of the sequel, this took some time getting through! You've clearly put some thought into how Dagden would be different as an orc growing up in the castle compared to those like Mazkil in the Red Blades tribe and it shows in the writing. Mazkil was more brutal, savage (in insults and actions), and blood-loving than the slightly more civilised Dagden. I thought the differences were subtle enough not to force it down the reader's throat like 'hey, look at me: I can write different characters' and obvious enough to pick up on, so well balanced overall. One thing I did prefer with this one was that the health bar seemed to matter more. It actually got near to 0 a few times, making me think 'crap, better actually think about my decisions'. In 'The Path of Death' I don't think I saw that really, so that was good. You're clearly a Nirvana fan too and I'm sure there were loads of other name-based references I missed or forgot or didn't get!

Right, onto the brutal criticism aimed to instil crippling insecurity:

I thought that there weren't nearly as many characters that really stood out compared to the sequel, though that might just be more a byproduct of this one's shorter length than anything. I also noticed that you switched fonts again kind of randomly (at least you were consistent with it though!), along with some repetitions of words and grammatical mistakes (again, especially later on). Just needs proof reading a few more times really. Another thing, which I also noticed with the sequel, is that there's quite a lot of 'You do this. You do that.' Reading it out loud sounds a bit like a list, so starting sentences with qualifiers or subordinate clauses would fix that. Or talking about other characters in between.
Oh yeah, a few specific things. When I searched the ground I just kind of... died. For no reason (Unless you have some weird hatred of people looking around for stuff). There was also a bit where I chose to tell the archers to shoot instead of shielding or something, and I took a few arrows and broke a few ribs. You'd expect that'd probably bruise at the least, but the fact that I lost no health says otherwise. You've got a thing for orc characters who break ribs and just bounce right back: it happened in the sequel too!
All in all, a really great story.
7/8

-- AzBaz on 6/11/2017 2:37:21 PM with a score of 0
Wow, I'm glad I decided to browse around the new stories list a little, I almost missed this one completely. A solid, entertaining read, lots of good action scenes and there was a LOT more content than I expected. I hadn't noticed the 7/8 length so I was half expecting it to end after the fight over who got to be chief, and there still would've been more to it than a lot of stories here.

There were a few minor issues with capitalization (you seem to like to capitalize Random Nouns on occasion) and I noticed some punctuation errors. In particular there were issues with the dialogue tags.

For instance:

"The sun wishes us good luck. We'll do well in the battle." One of the Orcs near you says happily.
"Cease your superstitions, Nagrak. We might not even fight today." Another replies.

Just fyi (since it may be easiest just to give an example) these should be punctuated like so:

"The sun wishes us good luck. We'll do well in the battle," one of the Orcs near you says happily.
"Cease your superstitions, Nagrak. We might not even fight today," another replies.

You use the period at the end of a line of dialogue only when it's not followed by a tag, and the tag itself 'he said' etc' is still a part in the middle of the overall sentence and so doesn't need to be capitalized. Even in the case of a question or exclamation mark, it would be lowercase. ("What's going on?" he asked.)

Nothing to worry too much about though, it's one of the more common mistakes I've seen people make and something I did myself for the longest time until it was pointed out to me.

Another round of proofreading wouldn't hurt (on the page Awaken, after surviving the duel with the brother, the text is chopped up like it was copy and pasted wrong) but most of the issues were small ones and more a matter of polish than anything that hurt the actual story. And the story was such a fun one, I enjoyed owning the role and picking all the most orcish options possible (Er, sorry little elf baby but I'm an orc not Spiderman... >.>) and just stomping faces in all day erry day.

I got the ending where I died after killing the elf princess on the field of battle and it was a suitably badass way to go, but I take it there were other major branches I missed?

The only thing I can think that I'd like to see added were some descriptions of the major characters, even if very basic ones. But I see you're working on another orc story, and I'm very much looking forward to it. I love when people try to tackle the idea of how an orc society would actually work, and otherwise do a little more with them than just making them mindless berserking battle fodder.
-- mizal on 1/23/2016 2:59:30 AM with a score of 0
Solid story and I got to a few different endings. Are there any official wins or epilogues?
-- Yandeleon on 3/12/2019 11:08:31 PM with a score of 0
A great history
-- tute11 on 2/8/2019 11:39:07 AM with a score of 0
I'm sad that I only had the one way to become chieftain, but other than that I had loads of fun reading this!
-- Algae on 1/23/2019 2:41:09 PM with a score of 0
"Is there more killing to be had?"
This was fun. I read it because I figured playing as an orc would be fun, and Mazkil the Undying did not disappoint.
There were a fair amount of proofreading errors that got a little distracting sometimes and often made the dialogue more awkward than it would have otherwise been, but it could have been worse.
I completed the Mazkil the Undying paths and am off to be a chieftain now.
-- Cricket on 12/19/2018 6:00:50 PM with a score of 0
Sees an enemy:

HACK, SWING, BEHEAD, HACK, HACK, SWING, HEADBUT, THROWING AXE, BEAT TO A PULP!!!!!!

I like it
-- Austinc on 12/7/2018 12:37:15 PM with a score of 0
was very fun to play through multiple times, although i do wish the plot wasnt so linear
-- Dameon on 12/6/2018 9:19:35 AM with a score of 0
Thank you for letting Mazkil marry a guy.
-- WolfCatHybrid on 6/17/2018 9:10:21 PM with a score of 0
"Dag Ironsoul, your husband, carries two small children towards you; A five year old and a three year old, both strong Orcs.

"Mazkil! Gruzub and Mazkil Jr miss you."

You smile as you pick up your children. You look out through the open Main Hall and smile. You've saved the Red Blades and made your own future. The World is in your hands."

Orcs live a good life it seems. ;)
-- TestingJest on 11/6/2017 9:36:40 PM with a score of 0
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