Neko Encounter

Player Rating2.68/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 31 ratings since
played times (finished )

Story Difficulty4/8

"march in the swamp"

Play Length6/8

"It'll be a while, better grab a SnickersĀ®"

Maturity Level6/8

"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.

You stumble upon an injured neko when in the woods exploring. What do you do? You've never seen a half human-half cat before...and why is he covered in so much blood?

[Warning:  murder, mentions of blood, gruesome descriptions]

*Criticism welcomed*

Player Comments

Hmm...I'm going to admit the plot didn't appeal to me, but I'll judge based on the writing instead.

-Simple Grammar/Sentence Fixes

"You jump over a fallen log, glad that you finally got your hair out of that branch you ran into without much struggle."
I feel like this should be reworded for better flow. As of now, the wording - mostly towards the end, sounds clunky and distracting. However, this could be just me as I tend to be selective about the wording of sentences.

" They found your bag next to the cabin, basically empty but that was it."
This one is definitely grammatically flawed and sounds strange. I would probably word it as such;"They found your bag next to the cabin; empty, but that was it."

"You head inside but to your horror, you see that your not alone."
It's a common typo/misused word, so don't worry! Do remember that "you're" is the shortened version of "you are", while "your" is a word that indicates something belongs to you.
Also, you missed a comma there.
"You head inside the cabin, but to your horror, you see that you're not alone."

"The color of red is the last thing you see before everything turns black."
You don't have to put "The color of red". "The color red" is enough.

"A man with a bloody knife is shuffling through the room when you let out a scream."
Ehh..I don't like this sentence, and I'm not sure why. It seems awkwardly stated and doesn't make a lot of sense if you think about it.
To address the "awkwardly stated" part, I think it's the way you ended it with "you let out a scream" and the way it applies to the sentence. I would have liked more details on why the main character screamed. Was it just because they were scared? Because the killer saw them? Because the killer's face looked kind of like someone from One Direction's or whatever boy band is popular with girls these days? XD

"You wander over to only be met with a giant brown bear."
I believe you should change this to "You wander over, only to be met by a giant, brown bear."
Also, on the same page, you use the word "You" to start the sentence too much; therefore making the word sound redundant.

"You decide to get your bag later and just head home, unbeknown to you that you missed the encounter of a lifetime."
I'm not sure what your original intentions with this sentence was, but I would reword it.
"You decide to get your bag later and just head home. Unbeknownst to you, you've missed the encounter of a lifetime."

"You tare a piece on your shirt off and tie it around his arm that was bleeding especially bad."
This sentence is proof that you really need to proofread your story before you publish it. For example, "Tare" should be "tear". A easily fixable typo if you'd proofread, or had someone proofread for you.
I'm also not happy with the way you the word sentence especially towards the end.

There are quite a few other grammar mistakes within your story, but I'm just going to post the ones that popped out to me and if you want me to do a full grammar check on it, you can PM me :)
However, in attempts to not make this comment too nightmarishly-long, I'm just going to move on to criticizing any logic flaws and other aspects of your story.

-Logic Flaws and Other Aspects of the Story:

1) On the "Check it Out" page, I have the options to turn left or right.
While I'm not against those being options, I don't like the fact that the player's survival is due to luck. You give no indicators which option might be the correct one, no details in the story to help choose the path that lets me "win". I don't like random choices like that, and I'm pretty sure no one else does. Keep in mind, for future storygames you may make, that choices that impact the player greatly should always have little indications beforehand about what may happen if the path is chosen.
This also happens again at "Scream" where you can choose either the right or left door.

2) Who was the mysterious person that attacked you? Was it the same killer from the other ending, the one with the bloody knife? What were their motives for attacking you?
It's little details like this that make a full story :)
I don't really like stories where major parts of the story are unexplained. It feels lazy to me, as if the author didn't bother to give it an explanation and just used it as a way to move the story along.

3) Your characters were...bland. There wasn't much detail to them, and they weren't relatable, nor did they have much of a personality.

4) Finally...something I've seen happen a lot in Love and Dating games...the fact that the main character has fallen in love with someone so quickly, and they reciprocate the feeling seems very unrealistic.

You definitely have some amount of writing skill, and while the subject of the story was a little off putting to me, it was a decent storygame with a lot of different endings. However, there wasn't much branching, something you should try to do in future games to avoid linearity.
At the risk of sounding like I'm repeating points I've already stated; I would highly recommend you got someone to proofread your future stories, or proofread your story more thoroughly next time.
Not bad for a first try, but not great either.
-- Seto on 1/15/2017 10:34:47 PM with a score of 0
I can't even get with this guy without being stabbed all the time by someone else.
-- Saika on 7/4/2017 10:27:15 AM with a score of 0
It was something. I'm not sure what it was yet. Here's my critique:
>>> Your spelling wasn't horrible. That's a relief. Still edit, of course, but you aren't an entire uneducated block of wood. Be happy! (In my opinion, misspellings and bad grammar can greatly drop a game's score. But I could be dramatic.)
>>> Be consistent. Your writing styles clashed in some places. 'Continuing on your merry way' doesn't go well with mugging people and getting killed gruesomely. And the sentence about seeing red, then blackness could be reworked to sound more... natural.
>>> Flesh out the characters. Weave in subplots. Add secrets you are trying to forget. Sprinkle in memories of some long ago time. Bake under the heat of obscure settings. Overall, just lengthen the story and descriptions, and make the plot more thick.
Well, that's all I have. Good job. Keep on writing!
-- Mage on 1/15/2017 10:49:52 AM with a score of 0
The main thing I noticed was that there were a lot of "left/right" options with no indication as to which was the "correct" one, where the incorrect one led to instant death. It meant that I had to use the go back button a lot more than I'd like.
-- pime on 1/14/2017 5:33:30 PM with a score of 0
Personally I find the subject of nekos cringeworthy and unusual. But least this game had choices and a somewhat coherent story. That's always good.
-- MrMustachio on 1/14/2017 4:30:50 PM with a score of 0
There are some minor spelling errors, but for the most part this is fine in a technical sense.

The subject itself is a little weird and cringy--I got the sense the 'fantasy encounter' in question was a personal of the author's. This really should go in Love & Dating, by the way.

There's some lol random endings in here, but at least they're marked. Nothing obviously wrong with the story otherwise, but the writing skill is decent enough I hope that in the future the author will aspire to other things beyond their wish for a catboy husbando.

-- mizal on 1/14/2017 10:13:41 AM with a score of 0
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