Now You Gotta Deal With This S***

Player Rating5.61/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 88 ratings since 12/15/2016
played 608 times (finished 135)

Story Difficulty5/8

"run through the jungle"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level5/8

"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.

A tale told in verse. A text from your sister requesting a pick up from a party leads to a night of strangeness.

Inspired by Bucky's ballad contest. Though...I wouldn't call this a ballad. I'm not sure what I'd call it, actually, other than exceedingly stupid, and fun to write.

(Don't pay any attention to the scores, they're just for me to track which endings reviewers get.)

Player Comments

What a delicious ending. No, uh, the pie... Not the sexy vampire man. Actually, I should say 'both pies', which I guess kind of correspond to the respective strong, independent woman you choose. Nice touch.

Also, this is the first grammatically perfect story I've come across! Thank fuck; I finally have my faith in humanity is restored. Rejoice etc. Then again, the hardened cynic in my is pointing out that this is a 3000 word virgin, but hell, it's in goddamn verse so I'm not expecting Beowulf up in here.

The writing was punchy and funny, especially the tombstones, which I thought were a nice touch to the death scenes. I did feel, however, that every so often there was a line or two that didn't fit the pace of the previous rhyme, but that's me being picky.

Overall, I like how this played with the cliche tropes of classic horror in a wholly silly, modern way.
A strong 6/8.
-- AzBaz on 7/18/2017 11:44:49 AM with a score of 8
"(Smooth moves.)
“M’lady,” you start, but she seems unimpressed,
In your best fedora, if only you’d dressed.
But turns out she’s all over you anyway,
And then you died. What more is there to say?{RIP} 6 of 12"

Well, this is the best tombstone I would say! ;)
-- TestingJest on 12/15/2017 3:24:54 AM with a score of 69
Hmmm... just wondering why this one is an apple pie? ;)
-- TestingJest on 12/15/2017 3:22:58 AM with a score of 0
"(End on a win!)
Unbelievable! Blake didn’t die.
Here, have a well-earned slice of pie.
(By the way, this is the best ending you’ll get,
Dodged a dozen much worse, you’re good at this shit.)"

AH! Finally got a 'good' ending! Well worth it considering i rated your game 7/8 five times already! ;)
-- TestingJest on 12/15/2017 3:21:07 AM with a score of 0
"(Never mind. Just...throw a rock or something?)
On second thought, it’s simpler to throw a rock.
Don’t need some crazy mutt to bite off your cock.
You find one, pitch it, but the cultists act wrong.
They don’t all swarm over there in a throng.

Worrisome how they now search for you.
Games were wrong. Not a stealthy thing to do.
Though now you wish you’d found a savepoint,
As these nutters grab you, your bones to disjoint." {RIP} 11 of 12
-- TestingJest on 12/15/2017 3:17:17 AM with a score of 11
Hit the ground hard, get up in a hurry,
Pooch runnin’ towards you in a crimson flurry,
You dodge to the left, but should’ve gone right,
Knocked into the portal, it erupts with light.

Where you wind up, no one ever can say.
House up and vanishes, by dawn of day.
Katie feels real bad, for what has been done,
Decides to become a fat lesbian nun."

Yeah, got to the 12/12 RIP! Was this suppose to be the final of all bad endings? ;)
-- TestingJest on 12/15/2017 3:14:51 AM with a score of 12
"Wow, great idea! Keep digging in deeper,
This surely can’t lead to date with the Reaper.
In fact, Ol’ Grim, he’s beaten to the prize.
By chitinous mandibles, rows of green eyes.

Skittering down the wall, on too many legs,
What happens next involves breakfast, and eggs.
Really I’d rather not go into detail,
Spiders are scary, and sanity frail."

Okay, i'll be honest... just leaving comments to see how many endings there are based on the score, ahem. ;)
-- TestingJest on 12/15/2017 3:12:21 AM with a score of 8888
Hey, very cool game design, especially the endings! Love it! ;) 7/8
-- TestingJest on 12/15/2017 3:09:55 AM with a score of 666
While the plot itself is pretty standard, the writing of it is clever and amusing. There are enough paths to satisfy the CYOA angle, which is always a good thing. I'm not the best judge of poetry, but your rhyme and meter are both pretty good, and you don't rely too heavily on faux rhymes, though I did spot a few. Also, nice touch with the epitaph pictures at the end. It really helped cement the tone.
-- Mynoris on 12/7/2017 12:22:20 PM with a score of 0
Not good as how NOT to get date raped but still very fun to read.
-- Multiverse on 8/30/2017 11:46:46 AM with a score of 5
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