Paradise Violated

Player Rating6.20/8

"#50 overall, #9 for 2007"
based on 467 ratings since 12/02/2007
played 19,412 times (finished 628)

Story Difficulty6/8

"wandering through the desert"

Play Length7/8

"It keeps going and going"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.

Humanity never changes...

Additional Notes:

There are links leading to various background information and your character's current thoughts throughout the story. In some cases these may provide greater insight since some mysterious things can occur in this story.

There are also several endings varying in degrees of good/bad/neutral outcomes. Technically there is one ultimate "winning" ending, but it isn't labeled as such.

Player Comments

This story in particular didn’t catch my attention at first, as I was bent on reading the featured stories first. However, I ended up reading it some time ago, and while it is not the best or longest stories from Endmaster, it is definitely good and worth reading.

Characters:
I’ll start with the characters as I find them the most important think in a narrative story. Due to this story being shorter the characters are naturally not as fleshed out as in other, more epic stories like Eternal. However, they are fully developed and I personally love the style that went into their creations. They are somewhat archetypical (the inefficient, by the book lieutenant, the crazy fanatic “for the empire” priest, the stern and experienced sergeant, etc), while also being real and believable characters for themselves. This is the way I usually write my characters (or try to anyway), so it has a special appeal to me.

The characters from other factions are also well done, although they aren’t as developed as the members of your own team, which is understandable as they appear less in the story. The unique differences between each faction, while also archetypical, do work and give the sense of plausibility.

Other than that, I have to say that Indoctrinator Salo is probably one of my favourite Endmaster’s characters, along with perhaps Mel or Uncle Ed. This is of course personal preference, but it only helped to my enjoyment of this story.

Plot:
The plot can be summarized as follows: The protagonist is a scout for a human empire much like Warhammer 40000’s that is sent to a jungle planet called Paradise to explore it and try to find anything useful for said empire. This seemingly open plot unfolds into two full branches, one that deals with madness and older civilizations, the main and most interesting one, and another, shorter and simpler, that is about securing supplies.

While the plot does work and is pretty interesting, especially the main branch, I find that the thing I liked best about it and the story in general were the feelings it gives at certain points. It is hard to explain, but from the rugged military type tired of everything and just wanting everyone to shut up to the encroaching madness and all of its possible outcomes, combined with the atmosphere provided by this dense jungle planet with a wide array of creatures, hostile and otherwise, create a unique feel, or rather, a set of different, unique feels, that can be encountered throughout most of the story.

The ending is good as well, but unfortunately it doesn’t have that feel of the rest of the story, although that is what happens in every story when things are explained, so it is not a problem nor a fault from the author.

Consequence:
I define this parameter as the effective use of in-story rules. In all good fantasy and science fiction works there are well defined rules to the world and its characters that are kept at all times to give a sense of plausibility. In this case, it would be the major factions and the way they are described, the local wildlife and the members of the protagonist’s team. Needless to say, this is done without flaw as with all of Endmaster’s stories.

Writing, vocabulary and technical details:
This story is written in the typical Endmaster writing, that is, sarcastic and witty, close to the reader and precise and rich in its wording. I did however found this one a little bit more jerky than usual for some reason, but this does not deter from the enjoyment of this story.

As for typos, there are a few misspellings and repeated grammatical structures, but they don’t stand out too much and don’t suppose a problem in understanding. The creative use of commas Endmaster has, while being grammatically incorrect in some places, keeps the flow of the action and actually looks and feels good regardless, which is good as well as weird for a Grammar Nazi like me.

Conclusions:
While as I said this is not the best of Endmaster’s work, it is definitely an enjoyable story with good characters, an interesting plot and, most of all, a very intense feeling in some parts, sometimes of paranoia, sometimes of claustrophobia, some times of being sick with life, etc. All in all, another superb story from this author.
-- Martin_Silenus on 8/21/2017 3:26:25 PM
Great story! Probably the best of EndMaster's stories after the top 5 (which are obviously Eternal, Necromancer, Death Song, Ground Zero and Innkeeper, roughly in descending order of rank).

Great plot and mystery with lots of branching options and endings. Many endings feel too rushed and inadequately explained, but it's still a great storygame.
-- 31TeV on 9/11/2014 5:20:56 AM
After finishing the story several times, I have some comments. Generally, it's quite well-done, but I think that endings are a bit rushed. Everything happens too fast, there is not enough time to "dig deeper". Also, some of the early choices end the game instantly and I cannot help but think that it's a bit premature. It was the same in Ground Zero - one wrong choice in the beginning and bam, the end. Let the story unfold a bit, whet the appetite. I know that early endings are not a big deal, because you can start over, but still, it's not good when stories end so soon, especially considering the fact that the early choices are often a lottery. Anyway, I think that you are a very good storyteller and I would love to see something more complex from you, with more than two possible options per segment :). Cheers.
-- Cybvep on 3/22/2013 2:34:25 PM
I was a little bit 'meh' about this story at first, even though I really enjoy the background information given out, and anything that explores different races, whether alien or fantastical, is generally viewed positively by me. However, the story grew on me, and by the time I ran into the hologram, I was quite enjoying myself.
-- Mynoris on 12/3/2017 2:57:52 AM
WoW! Wasn't expecting to just leave the ancient structure and not finding anything in it other than research notes AND not reporting that to get a promotion from the Empire. Is that something my character would really do or something only the character you created would do? @_@
-- TestingJest on 11/6/2017 2:24:14 AM
not bad wish we could have seen more alien life
-- ApeKing4 on 7/26/2017 8:08:49 PM
I love that game. It's fairly different with all branches you can choose, its decently written and most of all it sucks you in and keeps you in character. I really like how ruling our character we can change his thoughts about Empire and himself.
-- gapaot on 12/13/2016 10:33:01 PM
Hell, I think I finally managed to complete this game after a lot of mishaps!
-- Riversage on 9/26/2016 9:08:57 AM
Well written only a few misspellings. Good story with a lot of mystery.
-- BigRonn77 on 9/8/2016 3:08:48 PM
Definitely one of the better endings you can get.
-- EndMaster on 8/18/2016 4:37:47 AM
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