Storm the school.
, #11 for
played 2,509 times (finished 235)
"trek through the forest"
"A nice jog down the driveway"
"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
If a terrorist organisation takes over your school, what will you do?
Wow, that was the most unrealistic terrorist situation I've ever seen.
You're a sixth-former, so you're a schoolboy/schoolgirl, and you speak fluent Russian and have no trouble shooting these terrorists dead with a gun that you probably shouldn't know how to operate. What, are you some kind of undercover junior cop in training or something? How did you overpower this grown man holding a gun to your head?
As you inexplicably go around shooting terrorists and stashing their bodies in the closet as if it's second nature to a schoolkid who's in the middle of their exams, the result is that these terrorists don't really seem that threatening anymore. They can't even speak English, so they already sound rather amateurish, and now this teenager goes around killing them. That must be pretty embarrassing for them.
There's also no real background to this hostage situation. You can let the terrorists kill this other girl and the game ends on the first choice. You could probably turn it into a school shooting at that point, but that's a different story altogether.
Your writing wasn't bad, but none of your readers are going to root for a protagonist like this. They're at school, they're not going to be able to beat up a fully armed terrorist with their bare hands. Introduce other scenarios. Create a sense of tension which isn't entirely dispelled by "whoops I went the wrong way". Give us a few more choices. But stop making this protag so overpowered, or nobody's going to believe in any of it.
on 8/15/2017 6:15:04 AM
The plot was good, but it was linear, there were also a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes as well as a few punctuation mistakes. I also have a problem with how easily the protagonist accomplishes things, that part was not very realistic and made things a little weird.
on 7/25/2015 11:32:47 AM
How about having more choices then "die or don't die"
Also, pretty sure a sixth grader can't accurately kill several guards without feeling bad or missing the shots.
on 2/5/2018 2:16:26 PM
Its so weird!
special thanks to zombiegod2 for suggesting me to check this cyoa out!
on 11/17/2017 12:06:00 PM
I think I can explain the super strength...this child is a sixth former...not a sixth grader. The sixth form is the last and most powerful form, where he can overpower these average third and fourth former men.
Joking aside you should take the time to flesh out and develop the story. Maybe make it a bit more believable. Don't lose hope and just develop your writing skills.
on 10/11/2017 11:26:07 PM
Just wanted to point out that on almost every single story, choosing the dumb choice on the first page, and you'll end the game. Of course, I played it through afterwards.
on 12/19/2016 7:11:08 PM
It is okay lack's choice's
on 12/16/2016 12:55:05 PM
short but fun
on 8/12/2016 11:57:52 AM
So apparently I can take on grown men who probably have experience with guns?
on 6/8/2016 11:37:01 PM
I guess it's fine... But it needs more story
on 4/23/2016 12:03:43 AM
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