The Lost Realm

a Fantasy Adventure by EbonVasilis

Commended by mizal on 7/10/2018 5:27:53 AM

Player Rating6.64/8

"#68 overall, #2 for 2018"
based on 137 ratings since 03/10/2018
played 3,872 times (finished 177)

Story Difficulty6/8

"wandering through the desert"

Play Length7/8

"It keeps going and going"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.

On the night of your marriage, your wife is captured and you are left for dead in an alley. When you come to, your wife is missing, and your once perfect life now in tatters. What else is there to do but to kill those who have wronged you, save your wife, and restore equilibrium to your life? Before you can do this, however, you must venture through The Lost Realm...

Author's Notes: Your choices matter, so choose carefully. There are 3 epilogues to be found.

This will likely be the first story in a series of five that I'm planning, so be sure to leave feedback, and please leave any criticisms you might have. 

Special Thanks:

I'd like to give a huge shout out to Mayana for beta testing for me. This story game would have loads more mistakes without her help. Thanks to Mizal as well for her help with scripting. 

This is an entry to EndMaster's 2018 Romance Story contest

Player Comments

Great story. The wall battle at the beginning and each of the memories stand out for being immersive and captivating.

Wished there was more explanation for why some of the choices had their particular consequences (*spoiler* in particular, why remembering or not remembering has such an unexpected impact so many pages later in the game).

Something in the later half felt rushed/not as carefully written (probably because it was rushed, being a contest entry and all). For example, there were more typos, my companion was confused on how I opened the door (when it was obvious), and a being of great power was dismissed after a single question (and didn't seem omniscient enough to know what I was after to begin with).

With the glaring exceptions of the main character, your father, and your wife, most of the character were very matter-of-fact/came off as unrealistic. They were helpful (or trying to kill me) without much lead-in or explanation... their emotions seemed 2-dimensional and superficial… (*spoiler* "you saved me once, therefore I will serve you forever and break the chain of command/abandon all my duties/put my steed at risk") (*spoiler* "I’ll tell you, a perfect stranger, everything I know about the Lost Realm… because… well, because you asked"). This made them feel like NPCs in a video game rather than flesh-and-bones humans. I suppose some of that is necessary (so you don’t end up with a 100K word epic), but I felt like you could have done it better somehow (without making the interactions too much longer) so that they don’t stand out so much in contrast to the other three main characters I mentioned above.

All of your memories are brilliant exceptions to any criticisms. They were poignant and riveting. At your best, you describe what is being seen, felt, and thought... at well-chosen and emotionally impactful moments... and it really feels like “I am there”. That is truly masterful (and you are the best at it that I’ve read on this site so far). I cannot help but feel like those are memories that I now have/somehow experienced.
-- lkiriakos on 4/5/2018 12:23:12 PM with a score of 0
I debated for quite some time on whether or not to give a 7/8 or an 8/8 especially since I don't give 8's out so commonly anymore.

First, I decided to read this as a storygame instead of a contest entry. There wasn't a ton of romance to be honest.

Okay, here's what I didn't like. It felt like there was only one true victory ending. All the others were failures or death by a certain point. It would've been better if there were more paths to a (different) victory. Maybe there is, but I couldn't find another victory (after much trying).

Also, all three of the female characters that stuck out to me *Minor spoilers* wanted to have sex with the protagonist *End Spoilers*. It's not a big deal in terms of my overall impression or rating, but I find that fact somewhat odd.

Okay, onto the good. Everything was fine. It was almost annoying. I couldn't find any true flaw (other than those already expressed), but nothing was overtly spectacular or stood-out. That's the reason I suspect it won't get into the top five on the site. This storygame is like a really good banana split that is missing its cherry on the top. What is that cherry? I don't know, but I want that cherry. :)

Therefore, why am I deliberating an 8/8? I liked the flashbacks. They were a bit, well, cliche; however, I like it when a story deviates from the present into the past or future. Plus, I actually got to know who the wife was. Most of all, I enjoyed this storygame. I explored all the paths that I could find and actually took the time to read them.

I read to be entertained. I was most certainty entertained and enjoyed myself while doing so. Congrats on such a good storygame, Ebon.
-- WouldntItBeNice on 3/16/2018 12:08:22 AM with a score of 0
Oh...all right. I get it now...(I don't get it).
-- BristowJeremiah on 9/23/2018 9:42:29 PM with a score of 0
So...Am I to understand that the only way to progress through the game is to abandon the people that you are fighting with in the opening of the game?! NO! I will NOT do it!
-- BristowJeremiah on 9/23/2018 8:50:37 PM with a score of 0
\_(?)_/ cool I guess.
-- Person on 9/12/2018 12:40:04 PM with a score of 0
I really liked this story. I seen that this was very well thought out and would like to read more stories like this.
-- Jesse on 9/6/2018 8:52:30 AM with a score of 0
not bad
-- hellieboo on 7/26/2018 11:11:11 AM with a score of 0
Very interesting, although I died very quickly due to a succession of progressively stupid choices. I'll be sure to play it again soon!
-- mistral504 on 6/26/2018 6:35:17 AM with a score of 0
I enjoyed it, a few very minor spelling errors and overall a semi generic story of 'save the girl' but I certainly enjoyed it. Only problem I had was it seemed you couldn't really save the folks who get you into the forest in one play through regardless who you use. Which was unfortunate as I really wanted to be able to have the female knight as like a personal guard in the saved the girl epilogue.

That said good work, and I hope to see more.
-- Immerael on 6/25/2018 8:57:16 PM with a score of 0
this is good
-- Unequalboot3013 on 6/24/2018 3:59:09 PM with a score of 0
Show All Comments