The Riddles of the Guardian

Player Rating?/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on ratings since 04/01/2021
played 67 times (finished 11)

Story Difficulty5/8

"run through the jungle"

Play Length5/8

"Not going to lose any sleep"

Maturity Level5/8

"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.

You and your two friends have a streak of bad luck in your adventuring career. You all imagined it differently when you left your hometown Barthville to find excitement. Gossip on the marketplace leads you to your most promising and dangerous adventure yet. You venture into the desert to find what is waiting for you inside that mysterious pyramid.

Experience the dangers of the old ruin with your friends to enter the last chamber and reach your destination. All of this leads to a fateful situation.

A treasure chamber, a mighty guardian and you, the adventurer, bound by a battle of wits and logic that defines whether you live or you die.
Can you beat the three riddles and get to the treasure?

There are 4 Epilogues to be found, depending on how well you do in the riddles.

--------------

As some of you might know this is actually the second time I publish this game. I took it down after receiving some critique, but also a lot of helpful advice on how to improve it. So here is the second, and hopefully also improved, version of my very first story game "The Riddles of the Guardian".

Great thanks to AestheticLlama and Shadowdrake27. They both have gone out of their way to proofread my story and make it a whole lot better. It would have not been like it is without them.

Player Comments

There is definite potential here - however, as much as I wanted to like it, it did have its shortcomings.

For starters we have an interesting title page and an even more interesting background to each page. At first I considered it to be an eyesore honestly, but after a bit I managed to just ignore it. Don't know how everyone else may feel about it though.

The writing is not the worst. It's coherent, easy to read, but it could greatly benefit with some more tweaking and proofreading. I'd say Rowan's dialogue is the least coherent part of the writing, although I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that that was intentional and that the dwarves of this world have some other language or something that makes them speak in this sort of broken dialect. I spotted a few spelling issues here in there, ("vibrantly" is "vibrantlyl", "cannot" is "can not", "allow" is "alow", among others), but they were infrequent for the most part and nothing particularly jarring. I spotted some errors in grammar and punctuation, like the wrong use of your/you're, an occasional missing quotation mark in dialogue, and some missing apostrophes, but like the spelling errors, nothing too frequent or annoying. I will say that the sentence structure can seem choppy from time to time or just straight up off (the phrase "his head with the bushy black beard" just seems strange to me), which can impact the flow of the writing.

Now onto the story itself. The pacing was okay, but there were many times where it felt like the story was sluggish and dragging on and on for no reason at all. For a story boasting about a mighty guardian and their riddles, it sure does like to take its sweet ol' time to get to these riddles. The guardian presents these riddles and you have to type them out one letter at a time, which is pretty neat. The answers to these riddles are found in the story as you explore the pyramid, though they're not at all obvious. I feel I probably could've done better with the riddles if the descriptions of the setting weren't so easy to gloss over. While they do paint a good picture of the setting and what the MC and his friends see as they explore the pyramid, it's all done in a way that's almost lifeless. There's a whole lot of nothing - plenty of description, but the atmosphere falls drastically short. This makes it very difficult to immerse oneself in the action and the setting, especially when you have to pay attention to your surroundings in order to get the riddle answers. Nothing sticks out enough for you to know it's something important.

I think the characters suffer the same plight. Especially towards the beginning of the story, there's a lot of telling instead of showing in terms of characters' personalities (sometimes outright explaining the different traits of Rowan and Isolda). The flashbacks do a bit of a better job at some characterization, but by the time these flashbacks even come around, (SPOILERS) my two companions are already dead. It's too late fr me to emphasize and care about them by then, and that makes their deaths and struggles anticlimactic and more ineffective than they should be. I want to feel for these characters the way I'm supposed to, but they feel so lifeless at times that it's a struggle to care, and by the time there is some kind of decent characterization, it's too late.

Another thing I wanted to mention was the maturity rating: this has a 3/8 in maturity despite numerous F-bombs and the like throughout the story. If I were you I'd maybe adjust that appropriately.

Overall, this story wasn't the worst, and the riddles were interesting to try and solve; however, the setting and characters were anything but. This could do with some more revision and proofreading. Otherwise, this isn't bad at all, and does have some potential. 4/8.
-- Psych on 4/1/2021 8:12:18 PM with a score of 0
This was pretty interesting. There’s a fair bit of interesting backstory at the start, which continues even when you go into the pyramid.

The pyramid section is in gauntlet style, which I don’t like very much. Also, I don’t like the way the deaths of the main character’s friends were presented. They happen really quickly and without the characters actually doing much, which doesn’t really make the reader feel sad. That sadness should obviously be the intent with death scenes.

Then it’s the three riddles. I could only get 2/3 but they were good to try and work out. The epilogue I got was written well so I’m just going to assume the other three were similar.

Now, some feedback for the game in general. Your writing was engaging, but there’s spelling mistakes sprinkled through the whole thing, which is pretty frustrating. More proofreading would have helped you to get a better rating. I’m giving you a 4, but it’s a good 4. If you fixed up some small mistakes it would be a 5. Good story though!
-- 325boy on 4/3/2021 5:22:04 PM with a score of 0
I am awful at riddles so I didn't get to experience all of the endings but from ones I got to it was a decently enjoyable experience. I really enjoyed the personal stories the characters would share about their past intimate interactions, it gave a good image of the bonds they shared. Im not sure if it was answered after the riddles but I'd love some lore on what the Pyramid is and who its occupants are, it would add a lot of depth to world and more weight on the risks the characters are taking.
I feel like you were Inspired by the character Varric Tethras from the Dragon Age series for the character of Rowan, from The Giant Crossbow (Bianca) and very strong camaraderie with the main characters.
-- Zardoz on 4/2/2021 2:27:46 PM with a score of 0
A big disclaimer, the puzzle game is the genre I less like. So, I will focus on the intro and the way you present the riddles.

The prologue previous the riddles themselves is slow and linear with a gauntlet style where I am supposed to care about my companions I just presented and they have not been characterized. The flow an all that is terribly slow to point I was asking myself if was really riddles at all.

Then the first riddle is explained in two lines and I am supposed to write something letter to letter to advance. That is the moment I go back and decide leave the place and have a nice day at the inn instead. Because, probably, my character was faking care about the companion.

The game shows effort so I would give a 4 even if I don't like it. But the horrible background makes it a 3 for me.

My advice is, put a link to skip all intro until the riddles themselves.
-- poison_mara on 4/1/2021 7:20:29 AM with a score of 0
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