The three weeks from earth

Player Rating2.81/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 17 ratings since 05/16/2017
played 64 times (finished 15)

Story Difficulty3/8

"trek through the forest"

Play Length6/8

"It'll be a while, better grab a SnickersĀ®"

Maturity Level4/8

"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.

You are a young Freshman recruit that is taken to a ship that is far away from earth and you and the other kids don't know about the things that happened to the last freshmen.

These kids are thirteen-to-sixteen years old.Some could be related to the last freshmen.

There are also flashbacks to let you guys know.

Also the story maybe a bit confusing,plus some of the things the character say don't take most of them the wrong way,and if it goes too far then it's probably okay,not that there will be so don't really bet on it.These aren't based on real people.

There are probably hidden jokes in the story too,some you probably heard before,but I really hope you guys like the story,and if there are any grammar issues or the story is too confusing then it will be fixed and there are also a lack of choices very sorry for that but hope the story is enjoyable.The rating maybe off I don't really know how to rate the game very well.

There's probably,or just maybe be a second one.....just maybe there won't be any promises,but it depends on how the first one goes,if this one isn't as good then there can't be a second,that or I could make the second better but,like I said that depends.

Thank you and Good Luck!

 

Player Comments

Okay, so clearly some effort went into this, I can tell that from the sheer amount of words. This seems to be a story you enjoyed writing. That's great!

What's less good is the terrible, terrible punctuation and grammar, which seems to be brought on by a complete lack of proofreading.

The very first sentence:

'Your name is Kathleen Abernathy,he's are fourteen years old,when you left to leave for Utah,your mother almost forgot to give you your inhaler.'

I know proofreading can be difficult in a longer work, it's easy to miss things, but I don't think it's expecting a lot for the author to read and correct the very first sentence of their story. And the rest of the issues are so persistent and glaring throughout the entire thing.

Could have used a few more choices, but, first thing's first: please take this down and spend some time editing and cleaning it up before publishing again.

I hate to see a story by someone who clearly has an imagination and enjoys writing wind up not even being read or with a one way trip to the site's dumpster just over something so basic.
-- mizal on 5/15/2017 6:01:50 PM
Asayuna, I think you mean: 'Okay, so there should've been less punctuation in the story. I didn't want the sentences to be run ons.'

It's not that there was too much punctuation, it's that it's not being used correctly, and this in combination with the poor grammar.

If you're having trouble identifying what the issues even are, I recommend browsing the Grammarly site (link is in my profile) and simply reading more books. You can pick up a lot that way just through osmosis, and you should be able to read a page of a book and then a page of your story (out loud if it helps) and tell where your grammar sounds awkward and off.
-- mizal on 5/17/2017 11:16:15 AM
Okay,the story had grammar problems,and it's not a bad story,but the messed up thing was that you made it the end on January 1st and the parents kids are dead.This work is pretty good tho.

But I rate this story 5/8 it's good but the grammar is out of wack,best for you to fix them up.
-- MillenniumDawn on 5/16/2017 8:23:09 PM
Okay so there should've been less Punctuation in the story,I didn't want the sentences to be run on's.
-- Asayuna on 5/16/2017 1:27:19 PM
I can tell that there was some serious passion and spark behind this story. Obviously some planning and a big plan in the works. This could've been an excellent narrative, but the grammar and punctuation mistakes kind of drew away from the excitement and turned it into a more I'm-just-going-to-bear-with-this type story. While reading it, I kind of got bored. It could have used more suspense and more detail work.

Also, some massive behind-the-scenes development work could have helped make it better. It seemed linear and got me bored really fast. Overall, I would say good job, but always aim to improve. There is plenty of stuff you could work on, so let's get to work! We're all here to help.
-- At_Your_Throat on 5/15/2017 10:18:49 PM
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