WORST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!
, #28 for
played 1,978 times (finished 285)
"wandering through the desert"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.
You're having a crappy day. Crap rating: 9.5/10. So you feel like going around and being mean to people and crap. Enjoy!
That was pretty enjoyable, but taking into account the length and amount of words in each page, it could be much, much better. There's only about two sentences for each page, and they really need to be lengthened and structured.
At the start of the story, the "worst day of your life", the actual title of the story, has already happened. Coming in, I expected to actually experience it, so that needs to fixed. (Or change the title according to how the story goes).
One of my biggest peeves in any storygame is dying after clicking one or two links. I think I prefer Mizal's method of starting off a storygame with a few pages of background and story development, which is important and neccessary in every story. It is also something that this one lacks, so that needs to be fixed immediately.
The random events happening that are unusual in the normal society seems to be the way most new authors tend to lean toward in terms of humor in their storygames. This is a mistake. It can be funny at first, but it loses its luster once it becomes a normal thing. The new ideas of humor need to be reviewed and revised.
The writing is typical of an up and coming author, which in other words means it needs to be improved. Every author knows that no matter how well you write, there is still more room for improvement. Reading through the articles and the featured stories on the site is an excellent way of improving writing ability, along with just browsing through the storygames of EndMaster, one of the top writers on the site.
With a carefully chosen update, this could be much better and a nice story to add to the site in the whole. Fixing up the grammar and spelling will also aid you, since there are a few mistakes here that can be easily found and fixed.
on 3/9/2017 10:54:35 PM
-- Joepbwoy on 2/7/2017 2:30:46 PM
What is this(: Hilarious 6/8
on 12/13/2016 12:13:39 PM
My head got bitten off by a giant momma bird which is random as hell and my frickin TEACHER shot my hand off who makes this messed up stuff
PS it was pretty good
on 8/28/2016 1:35:48 PM
... Really??? 1/8
on 6/10/2016 2:58:35 PM
It was random and pretty funny. :D
-- Kate on 5/21/2016 6:10:08 PM
Was killed by a giant bird, after accidentally hitting a girl scout with an golf club, punching the pizza guy and killing the teacher that shooted off my hand.
-- Deadly Lion on 4/21/2016 2:47:45 PM
Happy ending! Robbed a bank and moved to NY! Yay (nah, just joking... kids, never do this in real life).
-- Deadly Lion on 4/21/2016 2:38:33 PM
I was killed by the octopi-bed.
-- Deadly Lion on 4/21/2016 2:35:34 PM
Got killed by crazy Steve. I admit i did it in purpose, just to be funny.
-- Deadly Lion on 4/21/2016 2:25:57 PM
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