Thanks for explaining what was supposed to be going on in your story! I’m aware you wrote it quickly, that's why most of my post was made up of suggestions for improvements on a second draft. I’m sorry you didn’t like that. I notice you just looked at someone else’s story and then just said you hated it with no other information, I guess that’s more your personal style. Who even are you. Hi, I’m Cyclonis! I’m a guy on a writing site where users and mods like to claim that blunt and detailed criticism is welcome, even encouraged. I don’t think I need permission to respond to things posted on a public forum. Who are you? And how old are you? I really don't care. The tone of your entire response speaks to the contrary. I'm just writing however I feel like writing, and if it's not how you would write a sentence well....big fucking deal. The Help section here actually has some really good articles that will tell you how to structure a sentence, you should read them sometime if you refuse to hear it from anyone else. But saying you know a story has problems and that you didn’t care enough to fix them doesn’t protect it from criticism. Not on this site. Sure you can type whatever words in whatever order you want, no one is stopping you. But it’s on the writer to communicate their ideas. You can’t “choose” your own “style” of punctuation and grammar or use unclear wording and then get mad when people who can’t read your mind don’t know what the fuck you’re trying to say. For the rest of the English speaking world, sentences DO have a structure by the way. The punctuation is there as a part of that and it's all based on rules, not your feelings. But since you obviously have a lot of those, I'll just say that at its simplest level, a sentence requires a subject and an action, and leave it at that. Jesus wept.