5/21/2011

11/28/2016 9:46 AM

6

0

0 wins / 1 loss

Sage

Your support is appreciated, but without physical sacrifice, you will not be recognized as a follower, and will be eradicated after multiple seconds of torture.

CTHULHU for President of the USA. If you are not able to vote for any reason, a blood sacrifice of the firstborn child under the age of five, or the watching of "A Serbian Film", will suffice.

This story definitely sounds awesome though. It would be great to know more about it if you feel like posting more or even PMing me. Always happy to help.

Yeah, the game of thrones comment earlier really got me thinking. This REALLY reminds me of A Song of Ice and Fire. If you haven't read those books, and need inspiration, maybe just look up summaries or ask people who have read them (I have). They seem to be exactly what your describing as the basis for your game. Which is awesome, because I've always dreamed of playing a storygame like that.

Also, maybe just a like INFO PAGE, with character bios and a quick intro would be a good place to start and get the creative juices flowing for future pages.

Sounds really awesome. But because you asked... When you said "baby blue eyes" it just kind of threw me off, it didn't seem to fit the mood of foreboding terror. Maybe icy blue? Steely blue? just not BABY blue. And then, "A swarm of boys who are in the metal house stares at you and the other boy." Stares should be stare. Also, there doesn't seem to be a lot of description of the metal house. I am guessing this is to make it seem mysterious at this point, but describing it only as "The metal house" caused my brain to see it as a tin roofed shanty. I don't know if that's what you were going for. I hoped this is helpful and you aren't just going to go, "WTF this guys a douchenugget."