I didn't realize how this may seem like a troll post, so I'm sorry to everyone. Honestly, though, I can assure you guys, that it's not. But I do understand your caution.

Thank you for your support, though. It really means a lot. And after you pointed that out, I did read out what I wrote, and I kinda feel like I was drunk when I wrote it, because... well, it's kinda cringe. But again, thank you for your suggestions, and maybe I can make it through this.

Nah, not a troll post. I was pretty much just rambling, so I'm sorry if it didn't seem coherent or there didn't seem to be anything special I had with her. It wasn't really intended to appeal to any of you guys. I just had to put it down onto paper somewhere. Thanks anyway, though.

I don't mean to impose my beliefs upon anyone, by the way.

So I'm doing it. I think I'm just gonna talk it out to some random strangers online who I will never (probably) meet in person. What could go wrong? But in all seriousness, I just wanted somewhere to talk where for the most-part, I'm anonymous (don't track me thx). Thanks for sticking around this long to read this.

So I'm a senior in high school this year, and many of you probably know how that goes--too much pressure in too little time. I've been dating this girl for two years now, let's call her Kate, and we've been quite steadily growing together and figuring life out as we go. We're both Christian--quite religious, actually--and so the main goal of our relationship is to glorify God. Well, turns out, maybe we haven't been doing our best at that.

And so she broke up with me, so she could grow on her own. On Monday, actually (I think. It hurts my brain to try to remember.)

Me specifically, I've been working hard at developing myself at becoming a great programmer, because one day I want to start one of my own software businesses--the reason being that, during my whole life, people have always just assumed I was stupid, because of the mediocre grades I always received. I want to prove them wrong. So for the past few months, I have been steadily shifting my focus away from her, and ultimately God, to pursue my dream of who I hope to one day become. And I love every second of it--the programming, that is.

But I began neglecting her and instead shoveled more and more of my time into what I thought I wanted, but in doing so, I lost Kate. Maybe it's because of how I wouldn't call her sometimes, wouldn't text her back for long periods of times--all because I was too busy programming. And now, it feels as if my own soul is tearing itself in half. It's probably my second serious relationship. It hurts.

I loved her more than I could ever say. She was my raft in the storm, my refuge in the war--and because of this, I fight still. I texted her both yesterday and today, telling her that I'm willing to change. That I'm sorry for ignoring her, and that I will give more of myself to her. But I'm probably too late, aren't I? She replied to me, saying that she still loved me and that it pained her to hurt me, but that she thought it was best for us to go our own separate ways, so that we can grow to be amazing individuals.

Sometimes I think maybe she found someone else already, and just wanted to let me down easily, though I try not to ponder upon that, as it shreds my heart doing so. Other times, I really do think about whether I should quit programming--not so I can get her back, because I don't think she wants me anymore--but because maybe it's pointless. Pointless to spend my time on something that seems so unrewarding, and even parasitic at times. 

I met her at one of our church summer camps, and as bad as it sounds, I started dating her like a few weeks after leaving my first girlfriend. She was weird, but enough that it kept it interesting. She had a competitive edge to her, and always made everything a battle; we became our best selves to see who could outdo the other the most (and obviously, I always won). We were young kids in love, exploring and growing in our identity within our relationship.

And now she left me in, what seems to be, the blink of an eye.

By any chance if she is reading this, right now, and you almost certainly will recognize it the moment you see it, firstly, I'm sorry for calling you "Kate" in this story, and secondly, all I have ever wanted was for you and I to glorify God together in our relationship. We've still got 75% of our lives left.

I'll be waiting for you. I promise.