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The final strand holding me to an aimless hope has come undone abruptly. Like thunderous light from the pig barrels centuries ago these gut wrenching feelings tear at me. How horrible a feeling these evoke yet I move the same. Is it manhood which allows despair to hide and be hidden in far away thoughts? I search for reason but none seem apparent. Boiling my tears, I curse no one but myself. I am plagued by desire and disgust for all fellows under God.

A month or two ago I broke up with my (now ex) girlfriend. As it stands she holds record for longest time dating me. It was desparation which led me to date her - I knew from the beginning that is what it was. As the relationship went on it was clear that was all that it was. Desparation on both sides. It is apparent now that it was more on my side than hers. Before her I was committed fully to being alone - I didn't need another person in my way as I only wanted to concentrate on my education and goals. I relocated too often to have any meaningful relationships and I knew since I was young that I was not an attractive person (mostly due to people telling upfront or behind my back). She came and said she found me most attractive. Cautious about people but desperate for their want I humored her company until I could not do without it. I knew from the first week that we would have nothing in common - and we still don't.

Time went on and it was clear she was a habitual liar and not to be trusted. The only thing I can thank myself for is not telling her my lifelong plans - ruling out horrible sabotage and revenge. --

"Ah well, you've made me laugh now. I can't create my serious tone again. I was gonna ask some beat-around-the-bush questions regarding a potentially mutal name of "gary" but I think it best not to around this time."

Mentioning a serious tone without actually having one implies and plants the idea that there is a serious undertone. "was gonna ask" meaning I'm asking now since we're now from the perspective of the underlying tone of the message, and "beat-around-the-bush" being the literal thing I'm doing but on the surface I say I'm not and procede to inquire. I hope she understood but at the same time I'm afraid of the answer. It'll either be a lie or a brutal truth.

"He just became my bf
He lives 3hrs away
I see him regularly, and im sorry"

My brutal truth arrives. I want to ask if she cheated on me during the relationship. She ghosted me for a month before we broke up. I want to know if she was already with Gary. The problem here is that she is a liar. Will I trust her answer or believe what I want? The other question burning may give me hope if I get a good answer and choose to believe it; after getting to know me, did she ever find me attractive? If yes then I still have the question of whether to believe her. If no then hope is lost for me and I may be brought low enough to go through with the horrible thoughts already racing through my mind like a bullet.

I asked both even though I said I would only ask one.

My body cannot decide whether to shake with fury or sadness. My mind cannot discern which will keep me alive and which will kill me. My mind cannot decide which one it wants. She has yet to answer either. I sit in silence.

Good opening, I'm guessing this is your Chaos entry (otherwise what's it doing in the CC)?

You've got the wrong attitude about it. You're supposed to make a bright pink tumblr comic proclaiming how proud you are to be a cuck.

So basically like Anthony Burch.
 

I can't tell if this is real and you're being very dramatic or if it's fictional or if it's something you're turning into a story inspired by something real, but I'm going with one of the latter two because this is the CC and also the other option is such a hilariously stereotypical teenagerish thing to do even if I'm being as sympathetic as possible.

The intent is cringe and the writing is "creatively exaggerated" in some ways.

I've decided I don't want to know. I don't know whether I'm furious or sad. I don't know whether I was cucked or not. I don't know if I was ever loved or attractive at all or if I ever will be. I don't want to know. I have other things I want. I'm disappointed eternally in myself - fool enough to fall for a liar. Never a chance will be given nor a risk taken from here. I don't know if I could bear to know so I will bear not knowing. Foolish as I am I can only thank her for giving what has been learned. Quantification is unecessary and useless.

Oh come off it man. There's no need to be a human bunker, but you were kind of asking for it when you got with her for allegedly thinking you were attractive. Never taking risks makes you defeated and sucky, just don't take stupid risks. (Like getting with bitches just because they hit on you.)

Fuck off with attractiveness, it's not worth it, it means fucking nothing at all. I've spent long enough hating myself over preferences I never had control over to know that attractiveness is fucking empty chemical bullshit. Any given 33% of humanity will find any fucking person attractive. There is no able-bodied, non-deformed human on earth that's sexy to less than a 3rd of the population, and I doubt there are people that exist who are sexy to more than 60% of people they come into contact with. It's not even people with low standards either. Everyone has a 70% of people they aren't attracted to. To fucking any given person, you could be part of their exclusive realm of physical attraction, you could not be, it's not a point to get in a twist about. There is no such fucking thing as being objectively attractive, and her finding you attractive does not make you attractive. It's an irrelevant goddamn opinion.

However, there is shit that does affect attractiveness pretty much universally. Great job that it's all shit that you can change. Controllable variables, like health, fashion, cleanliness, and the way you present yourself. So, if you can only validate yourself with the validation of others, then yeah, sure, you're unattractive as fuck, and only a very small minority of people and/or manipulative bitches. But if you take a shower, know what works for you, don't dress like Chris-Chan, and talk to human beings and girls up front as equals rather than a nervous wreck, then you can move in on chicks that share your interests, and you won't have to worry about that shit.

The fact of the matter is that personality and not being an absolute wreck are what makes you hot. Genghis Khan had a constipated scowl and shaved his head so it looked like he had male pattern baldness with a little bit for weird bangs and nothing else. He came closer to literally drowning in pussy than any human being on the face of the fucking planet.

This man, this fucking man, is an ancestor to pretty much 1/8th of a goddamn continent. LOOK AT THIS AVERAGE-FACED MOTHERFUCKER. This is a guy who got laid countless hundreds of times across all sorts of cultures (Many of whom also probably considered the half-Mr.-T-half-Betty-Boop look to be fucking absurd) because he presented himself as a fucking baller.

Ben Franklin? The token old dweeb in everything about the founding fathers? Dude was partying up in France all the time. This motherfucker with his bald mullet had so much fucking game, he literally wrote the book on how to pick mistresses. Died at 72 of literally every venereal disease known to man at the time.

THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS FUCKED ALYSSA MILANO, ELIZA DUSHKU, AND (also engaged to) KARINA SMIRNOFF (I didn't much care to google them, but they're celebrities, so I'm assuming they're conventional enough for you to get what I'm getting at) AND FUCKING LOOK AT HIM. I MEAN JESUS CHRIST HE'S PRETTY SHIT AT PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL TOO.

And for fuck's sake, that's not even mentioning Gene Simmons, who suffers from having a ghoulish fucking mask as a persona, being the BASSIST in a rock band, and the added physical attraction handicap of being goddamn Gene Simmons. Never stopped the man from getting a tally up in the thousands. Fuck off with that shit about being physically unnattractive, this weird-looking-ass old dude's probably been dogpiled with his goddamn makeup still on, just don't be a sad sack and present yourself as a confident human being even if you're really not, that's how this kind of shit works.

I mean, yeah, you were emotionally invested, and that sucks, and it's healthy to take time to grieve, but eliminating any future chance of a satisfying relationship and dooming yourself to eternal grief or whatever just because you jumped into a relationship while relying on someone else to be your source of confidence and emotional health is an extreme reaction to a stupid problem. Should you be utterly vulnerable? Of course not, that's setting yourself up for failure, but putting up big fucking walls all of a sudden because this bitch pointed it out is a sure way to remove yourself from the gene pool.

thanks man

I only read that because I was curious what ghengis kahn and an ugly baseballer pic had in common