Not to be nosy (well, yes to be nosy...) but I had a quick peek at the first page of your story, and you know...I think, there might be some other aspects of your story you might want to work on at the same time, if the idea is for it to be well received here. There's articles on writing here, and far more comprehensive resources available all over the place. (No substitute for reading lots of books on your own, of course.)
CYOAs are a lot different in structure, true, but at its core good writing is good writing. Characters, setting, plot, conflict...all clearly communicated. And meaningful choices are a must, in the case of a CYOA.
