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Seeing your first dead body is supposed to make you freeze with shock, but it seems that fear had another plan. Upon seeing the 'body' with its head buried into the bloody-viscera of someone's torn stomach, my instincts screamed at me to run.

It was like living in a twisted, eerie nightmare.

 

___

I passed what I was sure was the third burnt Five Guys sign in the last hour. The light was dimming and I knew I only had about thirty minutes before the sun completely sank over the horizon. Yet, I still had no idea where I was and I needed to find shelter as soon as possible. Direction wasn’t a skill I prided myself on any day, but trying to navigate in a labyrinth of crumbling skyscrapers was beyond my comfort zone.

"Shit..." I groaned as I looked around for any crack in the debris. 'This can’t possibly get any worse,' I thought.

Hearing a growl behind me, I cursed again. The universe was making fun of me for sure. I cautiously turned around, sweat trickling down my spine, and faced the newly deceased Zeds. Their fresh injuries were still oozing dark blood.

“You had to ask if things could get any worse?” I muttered to myself.

As the Zeds clambered out of the overturned bus, I found myself wishing these zombies were just like the ones on shows and movies - slow and quiet. Unlike these Zeds in front of me. They were much faster- even faster than the ones I had killed earlier- and screamed so loudly that I was sure they could be heard on the other side of the city. The empty buildings created perfect acoustics for their haunting “voices”.

The Zeds lurched at me with unsteady steps, oblivious to the glass crunching beneath their bare feet. My heart hammered against my chest as I turned to flee. I ran until my chest began seizing. I wasn’t extremely out of shape, but I didn’t train daily like the other kids that were chosen to be front-line soldiers.

I made myself run a little bit more after catching my breath and turned left on the next block. I forced myself to continue a few more minutes until my legs burned so badly that I had to stop again to rest. I looked back and saw, to my relief, that I had lost them.

As my heart settled, my mind blocked out the ever present threat of the Zeds and refocused on the task at hand: finding the meds in the morning. My main priority now was finding shelter. Hoping to be able to avoid the nastier groups of Zeds and panting heavily, I looked at my surroundings. To my relief, the area was very familiar to me, even with the crumbled brick walls at certain areas.

I sat down on the steps of what used to be my favorite library, stretching my legs out in front of me. I remembered reading somewhere that it had been a theater one hundred years before it was “renovated” into a library. Despite all the dust and a few broken windows, it was still standing.I knew this would be the perfect place to hide out for the night.

I got up, my heart rate steady again but my body sore, and walked up the remaining steps. The thick wooden door hung stubbornly on the hinges, slightly open, though, with the chaos the rest of the city was in, I didn’t think much of it. I tried to look inside but it was now too dark to see anything more than the velvet drapes and the shadows of rows upon rows of bookshelves that I remembered walking up and down trying to pick a single book out of all the choices. We were only allowed one leisure book a month, but sometimes I snuck into the back rooms with more.

The homey feeling dissipated slightly as the recent events rattled in the back of my mind. I had to be careful; I couldn’t risk getting hurt. Someone could be in there, I thought. Maybe with the same hopes as mine - a safe place to sleep. Or the Zeds could have snuck in there for whatever reason. Then again, I knew I couldn’t risk getting attacked by a bigger and nastier group of Zeds on the outside. It was either face the city and its hordes of Zeds or face whatever was in this building. I chose the latter. And good thing I did, too.

As soon as I stepped inside, I heard the distant sounds of growling and screaming Zeds. “Good thing the Lurkers aren’t out yet,” I muttered, shuddering. Lurkers had better night vision than the newly turned Zeds, the virus had mutated them beyond recognition. They were some of the real monsters. I remembered a grown man, tall and muscled, yet they had managed to take him down easily. Two of the Lurkers found him hiding in an alleyway and tore him apart starting from his legs and working up. At the time I thought they enjoyed the man’s death screams, but really they were using him to lure out his two companions which they ate as well. I wouldn’t have lasted half the time they did, I’m sure.

 

 

___

I froze as I heard a rustling sound coming from the right side of the library. Vague silhouettes of books stacked tall suddenly looked more and more ominous in the darkness. I slowly skirted around the opposite bookshelves avoiding the shuffling noises. A door banged somewhere behind me and I turned around only to come face to face with something I wouldn't have expected.

A young girl.

I relaxed my tightly wound body and lowered my guard against the bright light her electronic torch was giving out. In her other hand she held a baseball bat, not unlike my own, except that it was covered with barb wire. It was like time stopped for a few minutes as we gauged each other. I took the initiative and backed away slowly. I would go to another part of the library and hope that there were no more surprises. Maybe I would actually get some sleep tonight.

I felt a sudden hard blow to the back of my head. The momentum forced my body to the ground. Black dots clouded my vision, but I remained conscious long enough to roll over onto my back and see a man raise the heavy object again--that I faintly recognized was an encyclopedia--before he brought it down on my head again and I slipped into unconsciousness.

 

 

___

I licked my lips, my tongue rough against the cut in the corner of my mouth where my teeth had ripped my gums. I grimaced at the taste the dust and the blood. The whole side of my throbbed and a faint image of a large book barreling its way to my jaw flashed in the back of my mind. I never knew how dangerous and heavy those books were until last night. When I woke up I was hog tied laying sideways on the cool hardwood floors. The room they left me in was small and somewhat dim, the only light filtered in through the window. I could barely move without my wrists grinding against the rough rope. I mentally groaned. Just great, now Sarge would be worried when I wasn't back by morning. I didn’t even know if these people were murderers- human murderers that is.I had survived this long and I would rather keep myself alive one more day.

A pile of bags was set up along the far wall, I was on the opposite side. I’m guessing when they knocked me out they threw my bag in with their own. I started wiggling my body towards my bags on the other side of the office, wincing as the sore muscles in my legs cramped from the effort. These people knew what they were doing. Having made no progress, I stopped trying to inch my way to the bags and sat down and tried to think of another way I could get out of this situation.

 

 

Fin

 

All I have so far. Criticism?

Help me, I can't write.

Questions I want answered: Are there any noticeable grammar mistakes? Is my writing too cliche? Any suggestions for improving my writing style? Are my descriptions over the top? Not enough? Etc.

A round of applause from me. Very well written, detailed, long, and definitely one of the best pieces of writing I have read, in a very long time. :D It's gripping, has a very tense atmosphere, and it was a great read.

The aspect of being thrown into a waking nightmare, is zombie themed, but I don't find it generic/clichè at all. I don't exactly know how long it took you to write this, but however long it was, you've put an amazing deal of effort into this, and has potential to be a great story. Really well done. ^-^

Ditto

It was an hour xD
And thank you ^_^

I may continue this...If I can get another burst of inspiration!
XD

Nice work on this!

Are my descriptions over the top? Not enough?

I really liked the descriptiveness of the setting. The opening lines did good to hook me in, and made it easy to envision the unpleasantness of the situation.

By subtly mentioning Five Guys specifically early on, it also helps add to the setting by giving people a rougher timeline of when this is taking place. There's still plenty of mystery about what happened and how much time has passed, but now I know it's based around the more modern era.

You have the character reflect back on what things used to be, like their favorite library, which helps us learn a little more about them. Now we know: they have an appreciation for reading. You also hint at them being a front-line soldier, and a kid, in a (good) casual way.

As Shadowulf said, I also like the tense atmosphere. Descriptive-heavy stories that rely more on the actions of the character and what they see, rather than leaning too much on talking, makes for a more "ambient" kind of experience. It fits the setting well, and I found it to be really enjoyable as an introduction to your story.

Is my writing too cliche?

The main cliche that distracted me was the "This can’t possibly get any worse", only to be followed by an expected “You had to ask if things could get any worse?” 

I'm guilty of catching myself using it too, and usually try to drop it, or attempt to put something clever to fill the same void. It was entertaining the first dozen times, but you see it used so often these days. I usually don't recommend people use it unless it's being used as part of a joke, where its usage is being poked fun at.

The rest of it seemed fine. Reminded me a bit of Fallout, which isn't a bad thing. Post-apocalyptic zombie stuff have been pretty popular these days, but I didn't find anything boring about your story. It's more about how you approach the setting as a writer, than about the setting itself, so it didn't feel too cliche with how you approached it.

Are there any noticeable grammar mistakes?

I'm pretty lax on grammar. General rule for me is: as long as the word flow is pretty clean, and things like there/their/they're are used correctly, I'm usually not distracted enough to notice any really minor errors. Speaking from experience: if you spend too long obsessing over too many tiny things, then suddenly you're not spending time writing (or reading) anymore.

Overall it reads good, but this spot would benefit from a comma to be a little easier to digest:

"I tried to look inside but it was now too dark to see anything more than the velvet drapes and the shadows of rows upon rows of bookshelves that I remembered walking up and down trying to pick a single book out of all the choices."

Any suggestions for improving my writing style?

No real suggestions so far. I'd have to see more of the story before I might have better feedback. I like the descriptiveness of your writing, as it keeps me interested without feeling too boring or over-the-top.

I will admit I am guilty of using that cliche a lot.
The universe may truly hate my characters xD

Thank you very, very much for all your input ^-^

I love the World War Z feel.

Well, I did like World War Z... :D

*rereads this*
I just realized I forgot head after "The whole side of my _____ throbbed." >.>

I will admit...I got a little lazy at the end >.>

Awesome. Being not the best writer myself, I don't have much to offer in critique. >_< Only thing I noticed was "The whole side of my throbbed and a faint..." and I believe you can see what's wrong there.

Edit: And apparently you already saw it. >_<

Yeah xD
When I type fast I tend to miss stuff >.>