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Review of the Very Very Beginning of My Story. :)

8 years ago

There aren't very many pages, but I would like feedback on the overall idea of the story and the layout and such. 

The plot begins when AmyBot, basically your sidekick for the storygame, tells you that you have been selected for a confidential and top-priority mission, and that you must report to Training Room 203 at once. The basics of the mission is that Incognita needs parts for a new experiment to enhance the performance of soldiers immensely. At this point in time, the only function of having human soldiers is to operate weaponry. Soldiers themselves almost never even see the other factions that they are fighting against and almost never leave Incognita. 

The gist is that they need to steal parts found only in the territory of the other factions in order to create the serums to change humans. At the end of the mission, you are selected to be one of the experiment soldiers, and I am still writing the plot from there. :)

I'm basically just here to know whether or not I need to restart this entire thing based on the quality.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/dracois-ignis

Review of the Very Very Beginning of My Story. :)

8 years ago

Shiny, keep at it.

Review of the Very Very Beginning of My Story. :)

8 years ago

A good start, the writing is decent and the amount of detail and content on each page is acceptable, with the pictures adding a nice touch. The grammar is also excellent, I didn't find many mistakes. However, be careful not to overuse "you" too much at the start of sentences, try to space those out so repetition doesn't set in. Other than that, I couldn't find much wrong with the story. The premise, and setting are interesting enough, and it seems like you have a good imagination, so I'm interested in which direction you take the story.