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So I found a whole PS3 in near-mint condition at a church rummage sale. It was owned by some grandparents who don't need it anymore because their grandkids bring their PS4 over when they visit now, or something like that. I don't know the story, all I did know was that I wanted to play Dark Souls on something that would be reliable for more years than a computer.

But then I saw a 24-piece Scooby Doo puzzle with "extra thick pieces for easy handling". I wanted to take a picture of it and send texts mocking and meming it to my friend... So, y'know, I did... Then the worst happened.

Some little kid that had been eyeing it and whining to get it finally got his parents to cave the moment I turned to snidely send extra-thicc jokes and make the picture of scoobert's face look all perverted. That detesable family of scumfucks swooped in like the draconic vultures they were on my bargain of the century.

They took from me the only chance I had to play Dark Souls on an actual controller, and do... I dunno. What other things are there that make consoles worth paying attention to? Red Dead Redemption and Lego Marvel I guess. And I guess WWE game customizers are always hilarious, so maybe I could get one of those on a "Next gen" system of yore. Gosh, I was really sort of excited for that thing I almost bought.

Anyway, resolving not to fight with the vultures and deciding to stick around looking for other fun things since I needed to work here for another hour or so if I wanted the new weight bag they had for free, I went to the table full of old toys and boardgames hoping there would be Dungeons and Dragons stuff I could fuck around with.

Sadly, the only games there were your standard shit. Clue, Boggle, and monopoly. Now, I like Clue, but I already had Clue, and there are still so many games I'd rather play other than clue.

Boggle is the most boring cancer I've ever encountered, and to this day I believe it was invented by power companies to torture us into dependancy by causing traumatic boredom whenever electrical entertainment wasn't an option.

Even worse? It was fucking Boggle Junior, which is less a randomly generated crossword puzzle and more "spell what the picture in front of you is". I swear to god Boggle is a punishment. If there is such a thing as Granddaddy-Granddaughter S&M (the natural next step in Daddy-baby girl S&M) then grandpa would probably force their masochist to play boggle with them.  Boggle just utterly disgusts me in every way, it's from a time when people didn't have anything better to waste their time with, and it really shows. I mean, fuck, at least medieval peasants had maypoles and blind people who they greased up and gave clubs for their entertainment.

But Boggle? I mean, fuck, that'that's not entertainment, that's something you do for homework so the teacher knows you can read vocabulary words. It's just fucking insulting to the stimulus receptors of the human brain to insinuate that it was ever intended to be entertainment. The 70s were truly a dark time. No wonder Americans were portraying themselves in the movies as either hitmen or perpetually pissed off pimps just for the catharsis of watching them slap each other. No wonder they invented cocaine and Disco and did shitty things to minorities.

I mean, what were their fucking alternatives back then? What did they have to entertain themselves? A shitty randomly generated crossword puzzle. Oh fucking joy. Imagine what would've happened if Charlie Chop-off and John Wayne Gacy had the quality entertainment they needed back in 1972. If Gary had published his games 2 years earlier, or if someone was actually responsible and made board games that were entertaining, they would have been two racist, pedophile boardgame nerds instead of racist, pedophile serial killers. And racist, pedophile boardgame nerds are harmless. All they ever do is garner ED articles and send decadent amounts of money to Shadman. But what else is there to do in the pre-DnD 70s other than commit murder!? Nothing, that's what!

 I was entertaining the notion of buying Monopoly Deluxe, because it was for 3 bucks, and I could bring it home with my other game and play "Double Monopoly" where passing GO sends you to the other board. Then I realized that there just wasn't any real way to make tearing your family apart with the evils of capitalism fun.

But then, I found it. Something that made me even more excited. A PS2 for 20 bucks.

Now, it wasn't the PS2 I was excited about. I already had a PS2 at home. The reason I was excited was because it came from the same household that had no idea how to price old systems, and it came with controllers, memory cards, and some Rock Band paraphernalia I didn't give a fuck about. I was mainly excited that I could probably keep the controllers and memory cards and flip the rest on EBay at enough of a profit to buy one of those Cheapo PS3's that were banned from PSN for piracy hardware or something.

So, when I came home, I was doubly excited for the punching bag and the PS2. The PS2 purchase ended up being like a wish granted by an evil genie with too much time on his hands. Sure, it's one of those shiny silver PS slims that'll fetch a higher price because they're the deluxe version but still backwards compatible, but the back of the machine is all weird and different and you have no idea how to turn it on because the thing that's probably a power cord ends in a USB instead of a plug! Sure, you can have two memory cards, but they're both fucking corrupted and you can't use them nor can you sell them in good conscience! Sure, you have two more well-functioning controllers, but Sony doesn't realize that more than 2 people who want to play a Playstation game can exist in the same room at once, so whatever you manage to make on Ebay for this thing, a cut of it is gonna have to go to buying two of those fucking dongles that only give one additional controller port each instead of letting you just have 4 ports and being fucking done with it for fuck's sake.

All in all I'm just gonna sell this thing off with all its memory cards and Rock Band garbage for 35 bucks or something and say it's "untested". Selling one bad thing will still allow me to have a 90% satisfaction rate or so, but I still feel bad about pushing off this dysfunctional crap knowingly without even the upside of new controllers.

I forgot where this question was going, the point is, I hate children, and I hate innocent family fun board games, but does selling broken memory cards make me a bad person? Also, feel free to talk about anything else interesting that happened to you during a garage sale.

You clearly don't have the killer instinct required to seize good deals at a rummage sale. Buy that shit and stash it securely next time before wandering around snapping pictures like a dingus.

And...it's not hard to attack a USB port to a plug. I think this is a hurdle any potential buyers will be able to get past. I feel it's probably morally acceptable to say 'untested' as well because I as a buyer of a used electronic would understand immediately that that means 'I couldn't get it working but don't want to say so.' And yet I might gamble on it anyway figuring I'm smarter than that person and they probably just couldn't find the ON button.

Anyway, memory cards were awful things and I hate you for reminding me they ever existed.

It wasn't even that far away from the PS3, though! I felt so safe just literally turning around to send organic memes to the lads, the little prick literally saw me looking at it, and the parents actually pushed past me, pretended to look at some chandeliers and DVDs, and swept up the fucking box when I looked back at the phone.

I only have like phone chargers to attach it to, and the chord is just so puny and modern-looking I can't possibly imagine it going straight into a house's power without frying.

Memory cards were the best, as long as you could keep them organized and didn't fuck with 'em.

So tell us, how did the Scooby-Doo puzzle smell?

It probably smelled like old people, just the way garage sales usually smell.

So wait, are you saying that you never even got close enough to smell the puzzle? You were willing to give up on a deal on a game system so that you could take pictures of a puzzle of Scooby-Doo, but you weren't willing to get close enough to actually smell the puzzle? What kind of weirdo are you?

I actually liked Boggle

It's okay, Skugga, nobody's perfect. Be glad that shit taste is your flaw, rather than having more terrible ones, like being a Nazi or having no legs.

Even Nazis with no legs don't like Boggle though

They probably would've loved Myfarog, though, so they're not exactly the best judges of entertainment.

I'd sell it for 40.

You think I could push it that high? I mean I suppose if I just say "I bought it at a garage sale for the controllers and don't need any of this" I guess that leaves the potential buyer with more hope for whatever's there to be working than just "untested" which, as Mizal said, is just code for "couldn't get it working".

Although, I could be REALLY evil and just sell it as a "Mystery Garage Sale Box" for 50 bucks, but I don't think people on Ebay fall for that anymore.

Well, considering a "new" PS2 is about 80 bucks, a "used" one (that runs good and doesn't really have a fatal flaw) should logically be at least half that. 'Specially since it's one of those fancy ones.