Forums » Creative Corner » Read Thread

 

For some reason, I don't know why
I've always disliked trees.
Although I searched both long and hard
No answer gave me peace.

 

I looked back at human history, 
To see how we dealt with mystery.
"When your logic fails the unknown, 
Just think up some shit of your own."

 

Left no choice, I marched forth, 
To make up some glorious shit.
But when I was done, I was scared
By how uncannily it all fit. 

 

Look around yourself, you'll see
That nothing comes for free.
Then why, O why Mr. Tree...
Why this generosity? 

 

Why, O why Mr. Tree...
Why so low have you sunk?
Allowing us to pee on you, 
And scratch our names on your trunk? 

Why O Why, Mr. Tree 
Do you give us fruit and shade?
You won't answer, so I will,
"Coz you fear the axeman's blade."

 

Why O Why, Mr. Tree, 
Would you give us fresh air?
"Coz if you were no use to us,
We'd  burn your forests bare."

 

Above the ground, O Mighty Tree,
You provide such love and care. 
But what about down below? 
I tell you, it's different there. 

 

I've seen your roots, O Mighty Tree, 
Spread wide like the legs of a whore.
Crushing everything in its way,
Clawing towards the very core.

 

I feel your hate, Mr. Tree, 
You wish we were never born.
Don't be hasty, with a little luck
We'll leave Earth and be gone. 

I have to say, Mr. Tree 
You are a piece of art.
With your patience, your pretence
And your rotting wooden heart.

I hope your aim was to be funny
Because as far as I can see
This poem shows, if you were serious,
A big conspiracy of trees.

Maybe you wrote this as a metaphor
Of how deceiving Good can be.
Perchance you wrote a silly story
To flash your high creativitý.

The problem is, my dear boxeur,
That when a rhyme scheme comes to thee
You should at least respect the rhythm
And you did not.

This poem has taught me that trees are our slaves, giving us whatever we want, because they're afraid we would kill them otherwise. And yet, it's them who are evil? That doesn't quite make sense, does it? Stop blaming the victims, you monster!
Like Undr already pointed out, this poem didn't have a consistent rhythm. Sure, you could argue that you were writing a more freeform poem, but imo this would sound much better If you stuck with the same rhyme and payed attention to the amount of syllables. Right now, most stanzas use the ABCB rhyme, but there is one with AABB, one with AAAA, and one with no rhyme at all. Then again, even if you fixed it, it would still sound like shit, so I suppose it doesn't matter. :P

Thanks to both undr and Mayana for the feedback. Seems like rhyme scheme is something I should keep consistent. I'll keep that in mind. Thanks for reading!