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My Sleepover Game update

12 days ago

So if I update my sleepover game i'll probably add more stuff to do, but what stuff should I add?

My Sleepover Game update

12 days ago

     If you're talking about the sleepover game I think you are (I didn't check who made it) maybe make an actual use for the items besides just things like the pizza sending you to a page saying it was yummy. If the items don't contribute to the story, there's no reason to add it rather than just mentioning that the character ate pizza and found it yummy.

     Basically, just say the person used the item like "I ate the pizza, it was pretty good." instead of making a separate page using a item leading you to if using the item isn't going to contribute to the story. Also, if you can, beef up the story a bit. Add more description to how the character feels and reacts to certain things. Build up a recognizable personality instead of someone forgettable, who I've already forgotten the name of.

     Also, overall make it more engaging/interesting but there's lots of ways to do this so I'll leave that up to you. Also because I'm not as good in this category.

     Even if you're story is a different one than I'm thinking of, these are still things you should keep in mind.

EDIT: I see the story in your profile, I think it's that one, I just don't remember names so I'm not sure. Something that rings a bell is Y/N. I'm not great in this area, I think Y/N is fine, but I've seen some comments and reviews that suggest that some people would describe this as "jarring" and you might want to get an actual name for the main character.

My Sleepover Game update

11 days ago

Just as a note with 'Y/N' - I think a lot of people use it with the intention of trying to make the reader feel they truly are the character. I would recommend avoiding using the player character's name entirely in this instance and perhaps use nicknames instead. I haven't read the storygame, but different people could have different nicknames for the player character. Like parents might use 'honey' or 'sweetheart', etc.

My Sleepover Game update

11 days ago

Good point, but I still think some kind of name or nickname is better. Y/N sounds weird in dialogue.

My Sleepover Game update

11 days ago

I definitely agree. Having other characters use nicknames does mean that the player character doesn't have to have a name (since writing in second person, the player character is unlikely to think of themselves by their own name).