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Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Hello!

 

I've recently joined, long time reader.  I love this site and everything you guys do here.  I've been writing for awhile and figured I'd  try my hand at a story-game.  If one of you pros could read it over for quality, I would appreciate it.  Thank you so much, for this and everything you do here at chooseyourstory.

 

Regards,

 

Bismarck33

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

I recommend posting it in the Writing Workshop....but, you already posted it here.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

OH, and the maturity should be upped.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Okay, thanks for the feedback.  I'll do that now.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Welcome, Bismarck.

Your storygame has so much potentials.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Thank you.  What would you suggest to make it better?

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

I commented on your storygame. Check it out.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

I actually adapted this from a short story i wrote awhile ago, so i didn't want to change up the story entirely.  I was thinking if i did well enough i could write a sequel in which the protagonist ends up leading britain to freedom.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

I'd like you to write a sequel where you become a resistance fighter and liberate Britain from the Nazis. It will be great if you can do it.

You seem to have a good grasp on WW2 history, aren't you?

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Well, i suppose i'd know more than the average man, yes.  Yourself?

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

I love WW2 war histories. I don't like studying the politics and ideologies since I've never been a fond of those, but I love the wars, technology, and generals.

If I were to write a WW2 story, it'll probably be a historical fiction where you play as a good German panzergrenadier during Operation Market Garden. No extermination of Jews or concentration camps or Waffen SS going on a murdering spree since I'm more about tales of heroism and survival, not mass murders.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

I've always found that part of history to be the most neglected.  The fact that there were droves of german soliders who were good people fighting simply for their country, not for an ideology.  Hell, the whole Wehrmacht were comprised of people just doing their duty.  They weren't SS.  They were just people. 

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Yeah, I agree. Most of the Wehrmacht soldiers fight for Germany, not for an ideology.

It's sad how Hitler executed Rommel. Rommel was a great good German guy.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

The desert fox, one of my favorite characters from German history.  Brilliant tactician.  If you're interested in great german generals, i recommend looking into Frederick the 2nd of Prussia.  He's another one of my favorites.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

The Wehrmacht had great tacticians, but Hitler messed up during Battle of Normandy. If someone is to blame, it's Hitler, not his generals. And German engineering is just plain awesome.

The tales of Panzer aces such as Michael Wittmann or Kurt Knispel are interesting too.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Believe it or not, i'm actually distantly related to two generals in the wehrmacht.  One participated in the battle of the bulge, and got captured by the russians and was sent to the gulags...crazy stuff.  How about you?  Related to any historical figures?

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

I dunno, but I don't think so.

By the way, it's fun talking with you. Whenever you need help, don't hesitate to PM me or the other guys.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Thanks.  Feel free to do the same, always good to "meet" another history buff.  (also, you have a one in one hundred chance of being related to chengis khan! haha)

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Always been interested in war histories of WW2 and Napoleonic wars.

(One in one hundred chance being related to Chengis Khan? Why? XD)

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Well, he *ehm* raped and pillaged so much he managed to foster quite a lineage...

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Hah, maybe lol.

Anyway, it's good to meet you, herr Bismarck. *puts Stg44 assault rifle aside and salutes*

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Good to meet you as well.  Thanks for your help.  I may pm you in the future (if i can figure it out).  Have a good one

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

To PM someone, go to their profile and you will see a link that will let you PM that particular person.

Further information about PMs can be browsed in this article.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Thanks man.  Have a good one :) thanks for the feedback

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Well, the guy named Bismarck and the guy who has a Nazi as his profile picture made friends and both want to write about heroic Nazis. I feel like I should be fleeing now.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

XD.

 

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Don't worry, not a nazi.  Just a historian with some nuance :)

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Fine, question: Are you a commie or a terrorist?

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Neither.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

That's what I'd say if I was a Commie Terrorist. What do you prefer: China or Russia?

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Neither are actually communist, so I don't see the course of thought for this question.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Refusing to answer the question. Yep, we have a Commie Spy here. Glad that's settled. The walls have ears, people. Please stop discussing our nuclear weapons program in the open forums, and this guy won't be an issue.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

*cough*

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Drat!  I must report back to the motherland for new orders....my cover is blown!

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Don't worry, Comrade! Although your alias is revealed, mine stays secure. By throwing you under the bus, I have gained their trust. Soon we will destroy capitalism.

Yeah, now fuck off, newb!

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

You, I like you.  Bismarck's the name, destroying capitalism and evoking worldwide proletariat revolution is my game  writing stories is my game.  How do you do, Steve?

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

We will triump! We are the choice of the people. Once our agent Sanders gets in, we'll have complete power. HAIL GROUCHO MARX AND JOHN LENNON!

I'm doing fairly well, Bis, thanks for asking. Enjoy the site?

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Yes, definitely.  I've been a long time reader and writer, just never thought I could write (a good) story-game.  It definitely is a nice environment, I've found the people here to share my subversive views on capitalism and the demise of the one percent very helpful and welcoming.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Oh yeah, you wrote a story, right? I'll have a look at it when I'm next free.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

I honestly don't think it's very good.  Any feedback would be appreciated.  I'm working on another story-game currently, which should be ten times better (I learn from my mistakes comrade)

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Well, Will give it a seal f approval, so it can't be that bad. Also, I'm not your comrade, scumbag!

Down low, Comrade, down low.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

I'm sorry.  Of course not.  I forgot the coding machine in the last transmission, comrade.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

OH SHIT! TERRORIEEZ!!! CALL THE MASON-NAUTS!

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Herr Bismarck33

Have you seen a short German series called "Generation War"? If not, I'd recommend you to check it out. It's good.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Oh, that was good. It was very enjoyable. Though the Jewish guy just rolling up on a bicycle in religious garm and saying "Shalom!" made me wonder if people were that openly Jewish when Hitler was being Hitler.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

No i have not.  I'll be sure to look into it.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

I wish it's longer. It's one of the few that has good Germans as the main protagonists. Kinda like German version of Band of Brothers.

Panzer Elite campaign in CoH: Opposing Fronts was great too. It portraited the feeling of German soldiers -- worrying if they even have a country anymore and how they will survive the war.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

I remember there was a fairly big name actor in a movie about anti-Nazi groups in Germany at the time. I can't remember, but I think it was about the Swing Kids or the White Rose. It's an interesting and largely unknown part of history.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Yeah, those guys were fucking cool

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

They seem great.

I also appreciate the German generals who tried to assassinate Hitler. Too bad Hitler had such a great luck...

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Have you heard of Albert Göring, Hermann Göring's brother? That dude was fucking amazing. Oh, and John Rabe was pretty bad ads, but they made him an American in the (or one of the) film(s).

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Only heard of Hermann, but never heard of Albert. But he seems to be a good guy too -- helping a lot of Jews.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Oh, Albert was badass. I'd imagine his antics drove Hermann insane. That dude needs a movie.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Would be a good movie. We need more good samaritans from the German side.

Simo Haha also deserves a movie. That guy 360no-scoped Soviet soldiers. He made Rambo look obsolete.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

If I recall correctly, he ended up getting his face blown off by a headshot, survived, survived into the 21st Century.

Newbie Looking for Feedback

6 years ago

Yup. What a badass. His ability is superhuman. Shooting targets hundreds of meter away without scope and score hits accurately? He's such an MLG pro.