Forums » Writing Workshop » Read Thread

Anyone who'd be okay to play test my game for spelling mistakes and stuff before the deadline tomorrow? Done a read through already but I might've missed something.

Maybe. Don't take my word for it though. Maybe.

I could...

You've betrayed me Tan.

Whoa there Killa, I was never ready for that type of commitment! 

Here's the link. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-price-of-freedom~3a-innocence-lost

It's not completely finished since the last page doesn't lead anywhere, but if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes or links that accidently take you to the wrong page or anything like that, would be great if you could let me know. ^_^

(And yeah, I cheated. Couldn't get the game finished in time so decided to submit it as part 1 of a trilogy... I'm a bad, bad girl )

How long did it end up being?

So far, 116 pages with an epilogue still to come... Not very impressive but I did throw it together in 15 days, so... Nearly 10 pages a day isn't bad, right? 

116 pages is actually really good. My story is going to end with like, 170ish, and I had a lot more time than you did haha.

Yeah, but a lot of my pages are quite short, so you win ^_^

Man, I was really good at guessing haha. I have 172 pages.

I wanna read ^_^

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/through-time

no clicky link though (on phone).

Hi,
I didn't find anything rong with it. It's a great game. I look forward to seeing it when it's completely finished and I hope you are able to do the stories for the rest of his life or at least his teenage years. I think, if this is the story you are going to give to the spring thing as you said in the main menu you'll get at least second place, probably first.

... Well I'm glad you didn't see anything "rong" with it 

And unlikely I'll get first since it's only part 1 of a trilogy. Plus there's loads of really, really great writers entering the competition this year. Might be able to scrape 3rd or 4th if I'm lucky.

Your story is truly amazing. It's heartfelt and a little sad at times, it brought a tear to my eye. I can't wait until it's finished!

 

D'awhh. Am glad you like it. (Who died? )

Am gonna add an epilogue at the end where the player gets to see all the different character's opinions of them before I submit the game though, otherwise they'll have spent all that time earning and losing approval points for no reason. (Is gonna be a big scene at the end of part 3 where all the approval points come in handy, but obviously didn't get that far in the game yet.)

xD *snicker* "rong"

I'm trying it out, I might not finish it though.

I must confess, Briar, this is a good story. I really like it. Short or not, I'll be surprised if you don't place. I look forward to seeing the rest of it. I'm honestly a bit more concerned about placing now, hehe.

I'm sure you will. Haven't read your game obviously, but you seem a good writer, and keep in mind that the Spring Thing competitions usually only get a handful of people entering, and most of them don't finish their stories in time anyway. I think it'll work to your advantage that you didn't get halfway through your game and hurriedly slap an "End of part 1" sign at the end. 

Maybe, maybe. I put a lot of work into my game--but it takes a while to get things rolling and yours seems to grab the reader's attention pretty quickly. (Though, I'm a sucker for ancient history and its legends / warriors / weapons.) It's been a while since I've been this curious about the future of a character. 

xD ...You know, I would never have pegged you for writing a good gladiator game. I really like the strategy for the 6 on 6 fight.

My one complaint, though, is that you left no links at the end... =P

Honestly, wouldn't really recommend this story to people who're interested in Roman history, since it's horribly inaccurate. Greek slaves were really valuable in Rome and only the lowest ranking slaves were used as gladiators. As for the battle at the end, I pretty much just stole that from Hunger Games 

Also, I know about the end links. Is 'cos I was in the middle of writing an epilogue and the game wasn't finised at that point. Is finished now, ^_^

Lol...I wasn't saying it was accurate, I'm just saying that the theme appeals to me.

Hell, Disney's "Hercules" appealed to me when I was younger, and that (as a portrayal of Greek myth and culture) is about as accurate as Bioshock would be if it were considered a historical documentary of the 1940s-1950s.  >_>

Lol. Hercules was awesome! (And yeah, not sure Disney could've gotten away with the whole Hercules going crazy and murdering his whole family thing in a kids cartoon) 

This story is phenomenal. It's  exactly my kind of story, and the fact that there are romans and greeks withing the story, makes it that much more enjoyable for me.

Fun and Irrelevant Fact: The Latin translation of "Danaos" in English is "Greeks".   :)

Oh, so you're a Roman Greek? Cooly! :p

Anddd published.

Good luck to you guys!

Good luck! ^_^

It was pretty good. Fuck slavers doh.

Only thing that i felt was wrong were some instances of "Alexius" being "Alexis", But other than that, it was a great story. Good luck.

I have no more faith in fathers now.

Dammit. Proofreading time again! 

Fixed it. No more Alexises ^_^

So how is the first part going to carry over into the second one?

(It won't)

But...but...the approval and the arena fight.