While what to do next is something you'll have to figure out for yourself for your own story, I can give feedback on the part I read last night. In the beginning I thought it was odd that if you choose to hang out with your 'regular group of friends', one of them is described as someone you hate and you make a point of how all of them ignore you. But these are your friends?
There were some punctuation errors with the dialogue tags, and I'm still not sure what the confrontation in the classroom was about. A kid spacing out a minute and being asked to pay attention becomes some huge thing for a bully to gloat over, and the only options available are to wallow in guilt and shame a couple hours or start screaming and throwing things like a crazy person? And then on the 'guilt and shame' path she gets a slip from the teacher for not paying attention, and that's somehow the bully's fault?
Some of the dialogue in the confrontation with Rihanna could maybe be touched up for realism...this is the path I went through and it didn't read very naturally:
"You insolent jerk!" You exclaim exasperatedly. "And your stupid name sure suits the sick monster you are!"
Rihanna's lip curled. "So?" She exaggerated, giving the i-don't-care-a-bit pose.
"SO?" You roar. "So what? I'll teach you to mess with me!"
Students passing by turned around to the noise and began to cluster around you and Rihanna.
"Although, it's really not a surprise." You say sassily. "You were always like that."
The crowd oohs, and Rihanna looks at you nonchalantly. "Don't mess with me, [your name]! You haven't got an ounce of beauty in your whole body as I have in my fingernail!"
Of course, you won't let her get away from that.
"I don't know, I wouldn't be so keen to choose you over a rat."
Rihanna clenched her teeth and shot a scathing look at you. "I wouldn't be so sure, sweetie."
She turned around and began to walk away. "Oh, I'm sure!" You shout back to her as she leaves. You turn around and push through the crowd.
(And just a note, you might try toning down the -ly adverbs in the dialogue tags, they're easy to overuse.)
Oh, and don't call the character [your name]. It's weird that I've seen so many people doing that recently. Just like a character in any other story, you need to give them a name.
The game seemed to think the above amounted to a physical confrontation, by the way, since the character was covered in scratches and bruises when they got home.
The talk with the mom was...strange. The character is upset and tearfully confessing to getting in a fight (which didn't actually happen, but whatever) and the mom just completely refuses to acknowledge it? The implication of some really odd family dynamics out of nowhere there was honestly more interesting to me than most of the school bully stuff, so I'm wondering if that side of things will be explored more.
Really though, as far as these 'school-based' stories go it was an above average one. The only serious misstep I think took place if you chose not to play a prank on Rihanna in the morning.
Okay, you know what? I am the AUTHOR of this story and I will FORCE YOU TO play that prank. Because YOU are ruining the WHOLE DAMN STORY
This kind of thing? Seriously, don't do this. And having it jump to a completely different story and character at that point is kind of an odd 'solution' to the player not picking the exact choice you want.
