Forums » Writing Workshop » Read Thread

In my current story, there is one fight scene in which the protagonist gets punched, breaks and spits out a tooth, then proceeds to grab said tooth and shove it through his attacker's eye.

Is this memorable enough of a fight scene? I want it to kind of stick with the readers til the end of the story.

Do you really think that's practical? Let alone believable, which it most certainly is not.

I don't see how it's not believable. Teeth are stronger than concrete and they were fighting in a dark alley.

It's also really cool.

If cool is the best reason you have for putting something into a story, then that's a big clue that it doesn't belong.

Think through the choreography of this fight in your head when your writing it. How is a man going to find the time and dexterity to shove a tiny, little tooth into someone's eye in the middle of a brawl without leaving himself open to getting his clock cleaned and going into sleepy time.

If you think this is possible, you've clearly never been in or witnessed a fight.

:P

I can think of a few ways.

I think it doesn't make sense. A tooth really isn't big enough to be effective as a weapon. He'd probably be better off just poking him in the eye.

Yeah, this. I'd believe him jamming his thumb through someone's eye over being given the time to fish around on the ground for a tiny little tooth that went flying off somewhere and then...well I'm not actually clear on how he'd even grip in in a way to put force behind the strike. Try picking up a little pebble and holding it between your thumb and forefinger and imagine how much sillier hitting someone like this would be than just, you know, hitting them the regular way.

I don't really see where the 'cool' part even comes in in this scenario, but it'd be overridden by the overall ridiculousness of it, either way.

 

 

Yeah. What would be cool though is if the character's arm gets snapped off entirely with blood gushing out everywhere, but despite the pain, he picks up his own arm from off the ground and uses it to slap the other guy across the face repeatedly while chanting "who's your daddy?" over and over again in an Italian accent, then finally finishing by stabbing him in the eye with the sharp edge of the out-jogged bone sticking out from the other end of his arm.

Already been done, more or less. Taking up literal arms against your foes is an old trope by now. Getting your leg broken off and then spending a few days stalking them in the wilderness by climbing anf army-crawling everywhere in order to disjugular the offending asshole with your sharpened kneecap is where it's really at.

Yeah, but he didn't slap him around before he killed him. That's crucial.

Bah, that looks more like a regular old sword! It's much more hardcore to say you stabbed someone to death with your kneecap.

Not often you can say something is more hardcore then a viking. Ivar the Boneless, would wish that his epithet had this hardcore a backstory.

Not to mention that he gives such good glares, as to piss someone off. Someone who knew he'd been stuck in a hole for 3 years, and wasn't getting out any time soon. Metal as hell.

All fights, all fighters have a rhythm, and that implies a certain pause. Drop a coin on the ground, pick it up. Now picture yourself sweaty and ragged breathing, arms shaking from adrenaline, various aches from blows received, and keeping an eye on the other person so they don't boot you in the face as you bend over.

About the only way viable, is if the other fellow is stunned, knocked down hard, or otherwise incapacitated. And then it's just sadism, hunting for your own tooth and trying to overpower someone who, presumably, doesn't want a tooth in their eye.

And no, not particularly memorable. Memorable, needs to be descriable in an interesting way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SE0oDPBslUs - "Starts with two men accidentally beating the shit out of each other while Cruise naps in a tub, ends with Cruise beating one up with the other"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwIIDzrVVdc  - "Men beats his way through a horde with a hammer. And not even a big hammer"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBvOHpNhswo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iapVomK4eFA   - "Hugh Grant & Colin Firth can't fight for shit. Intermission for mumbling happy birthday, and running away around a fountain"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXB6slJSbL4  - "Colin Firth CAN fight for shit, and murders the entire Westboro Baptists"

Yours, well. "Guy tortures a guy with a tooth". Not quite the same zing.
 

^This.

I think some of the best fight scenes, like some of the best scenes in general, can tell a story independent of the entire work. Like that scene in Zatoichi Challenged, that was art.

This will always be my favorite fight scene.

EDIT: But in all seriousness; my favourite fight scene is, and always will be, the one from anchorman 2.

I always preferred the fight scene in the original.

Seriously, Steve Carell killed a dude with a trident.

But the second one....

Ron: ...Brick, what is that?

Brick: It's a gun, from the future.

Ron: Where did you get it?

Brick: HA HA HA HA HA! This guy.....

I forgot about that.

Jesus fucking Christ I need to rewatch those movies...

History Channel Host: Hey! The History Network wants in on this. We're news too! Only news told much, much later! [History Channel shouts]

Ron: Wait a minute, is that the ghost of Stonewall Jackson with you?

History Channel: Yes, it is. And the mighty minotaur!

Jack: Eh, I don't know about this, man. The minotaur isn't even history. It's mythology!

Ron: Hey, let's not downplay the fact that that's the ghost of Stonewall Jackson!

Ghost of Stonewall Jackson: May the Lord anoint this hallowed field of battle.

>Man breaks guy's jaw on one side, dislocated it on the other.

>Gallons of adrenaline and cortisol fling guy into a fury so great that he tears his entire jaw off.

>Jams pointy/protrudy end of disenheaded jaw into the guy's eye.

>bleeding out for everyone!

You're welcome.

Nevermind.

Bruh. We use html.

EDIT: DAMN YOU, NINJA EDITORS!

Yeah, I have rich text off for my quote box.

Copy + Paste:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wWahdX_b2p4

He could just pull the guy to the floor and smash his head into the ground, ever so coincidentally mashing the tooth into the guy's eye socket.