Adventures In Skyrim

There will be spoilers ahead so beware!

First of all to the good things.
I did not find any major mistakes in grammar and spelling.
And Skyrim is actually one of my favorite video games so I was naturally drawn to it.

Now the main problem I spot here is the length of the game.
It was way to short to properly bring across the vast possibilities of a open world game. I do get that you likely were a rather new author here, but this story seems to be just part of a longer one you originally planned on doing.

In the beginning you tell the reader that you have 1000 gold to pay for expanses of traveling and training, but the value shows up nowhere. Setting that up with a simple variable that is shown at the bottom of every page does not take much effort. It would also open up a lot of options for a longer game to up your equipment and change outcome of combat according to what you carry with you.

Making it so you can get training before leaving on a journey was a good idea. It also makes it feel more realistic than a common farmer just walking into the wilderness and killing off a bandit with his bare hands.

The fact that you simply skipped the option to learn magic in a cheap way, either dying while trying to or someone telling you that you don't need it was very disappointing.

The only quest you can get is a bounty quest in Whiterun. Starting off an adventure with that is a good idea. It seems simple and realistic for an adventurer to start by something like that. Basically ending the adventure right after that though was very sad for a player of Skyrim. It also made the story awfully linear and boring.

Lastly this is a website for stories which endings change depending on your choices. In your case that meant either loosing or surviving that first quest. That hardly counts as multiple endings in my opinion.

I think after reading some great works here you thought you might try yourself and just wanted to learn the very basics of the editor here. That is not a mistake, but you should at least have finished the game properly before posting it.

I can not give you more than a 2/8 for this poor effort.

So I actually thought this story was really cute. The writing was excellent. When I first saw the current rating, I didn't expect the quality to be as good as it was. The sentences flowed well, there were no noticeable grammar errors, and the prose itself intrigued me. I love how you included little quips so common to RPGs themselves. Seeing other characters greet the protagonist as "adventurer" was quite amusing.

I like how you included the option to pay for various opportunities at the start of the game. However, (SPOILER ALERT:) I didn't like how choosing the 'wrong' options in any of these cases led to an immediate death scene. Your game would have been improved if you had written alternative scenes that accounted for the previously made choices.

One other major improvement that could be made to this game is increasing the length. It is a great start, but it is not a complete story. If you really took time to flesh out the plot here and wrote a complete adventure, with multiple different quests and endings, this could easily turn into a fantastic narrative.

Finally, I would recommend changing your page titles from "Page 1", "Page 2" etc. to short titles that reflect the main idea of each page. I think you were trying to go for the 'classical old choose-your-own adventure' vibe, where each choice would tell you to flip to a particular page, but it's not really needed on an online platform. Of course, this is a stylistic choice.

Overall, this is a well-written piece that is more of a start to a larger story than a story in and of itself. I would love to play through longer games from this author.

Your writing is very nice but the extremely linear nature of your story completely ruins all chance of enjoying your narrative. If you're going to publish a CYOA, you need to have multiple endings.

Furthermore, you should lengthen the scope of your story. This was too short and it seems likely that you simply ran out of steam.

You have a great deal of potential but you need to stick with a project for longer and work on fleshing out multiple story lines.

I think there should be a bit more to the story, like 50 or more pages

The story was extremely linear with only one real path to take. The beginning where you decide what you want to train (weapons and magic) makes it seem as though the story will be longer and have different paths and outcomes when in reality you are essentially just told, "You don't actually get magic because some guy said you don't actually need it." The story needed to be longer with more impactful choices. However, your spelling and grammar were good (although Dragonborn is one word not two) so I will give you props for that.

I just won the game in 4 clicks...

This "story" is way to short, and is as linear as a book.

This has potential

ok, way to short. its good. . . but. . . to short.

*click*

*click*

*click*

"Congrats! You win!!"

...what??