Player Comments on Blooded

I should start by addressing the numerous dialogue issues. More than likely, this is due to the presence of two authors. I'm assuming one of you is a little less skilled than the other, hence why we have numerous cases of periods blocking dialogue tags, commas pre-tensing action tags, etc.

Onto the positives!

I really appreciate how traditional of a CYOA this is. There are so many options. It doesn't follow a linear story, you can join the vampires, become a hunter, and more. Each path was delightfully long but not overly so, just enough to enjoy the pure ecstasy that comes from this dark world our protagonist inhabits.

The descriptions were brief, but detailed enough. Side characters had difficulty showcasing their own, individual personalities, which I suspect is due to them not actually having any. They were two-dimensional, serving their purpose only as long as the plot demands it, with no sense of them being real people.

Though I appreciate the vast array of routes, once you became locked into a specific route, choices were incredibly sparse. The Vampire Hunter route must have had twenty pages of nothing but single-link continuations. What if I didn't want to go back to the church? What if I didn't want to investigate the pounding? Apparently that doesn't matter, because I was never given a choice on it.

Some creative ideas were toyed around with, such as the concept of vampires being damned. These were only used near the end of any specific route, thankfully, and so, while never reaching their apex, kept the reader invested enough in the story.

Now the length is this story's real downfall. My favorite route, the Vampire Hunter route, ended just when things got good. I wanted to invade Hell, usurp Satan, etc. A battle that stretches for eons. There should've at least been a final choice and an epilogue, and I would have been happy.

Overall, this is an excellent story and I can see why it was featured. It's a perfect dark-fantasy action storyline.

There are obviously some flaws here; both of you were too busy blowing each other to proofread (or whatever "rushing" for the "deadline" is supposed to be a euphemism for...) and there's the issues with how linear it is. But I know you're both aware of all this already so I don't see any reason to go on about it.

(And to be fair 'linearity' only gets brought up due to the nature of the contest. Taking the story as a whole there are two major, completely separate paths here, perfectly respectable for a CYOA even if there's not a lot of variation once you're on them.)

Really, none of the issues were distracting enough to take away from the fact this was an entertaining, action packed story that did some very cool things with the subject matter. Vampires are almost as bad as zombies sometimes in the way they're overused and abused by pop culture, but you guys gave them their dignity back here.

Steve's path reminded me in some ways of Path of Death, though Count Grey is a far eviler fuck than the necromancer ever was. The linearity was there, but disguised well with lots of ways to screw up and die. (Which does make a certain amount of sense given the character's line of work...) I was told what the choice in the beginning would be before I started reading, but the choice was written here in a way that made a lot more sense for the character than I thought possible.

Malk's suffered a little more obviously from being written in a hurry with the sparsity of choices, but what's there is so unique and cool. I am seriously in love with this setting. Malk, if you're not all vampired out by now I would love to see this or something similar expanded into a longer story to do some of these ideas justice.

Well, this is certainty the best of the contest entries, but it might be because there is only two. :(
First, the two writing styles really are quite different between Steve and Malk, though a very prominent similarity would be the linear nature of both stories. Nonetheless, the deadline caused this (and the lack of a thorough proofreading as well).
As for the story, I liked Steve's section more. (It is the one where you are with the vampire.) The only blaring problem was that: A. I have to serve the vampire who murdered my family. B. I'm forced to be a murderous arse to live. Most of my concern is with B actually. He murders in order to live (since vampires need blood). I murder to stay alive (since he'll kill me if I don't do what he says). Of course, I could refuse and die, but I want to continue with the story. Nonetheless, I have no more sympathy for the protagonist, for he is now a vampire in all but name.
However, the assault on the castle/fine battle in Steve's storyline. It was quite exhilarating. I don't want to spoil it, but it's essentially a chaotic melee with more than one faction.
My favorite aspect of Malk's storyline was his concept. After seeing his family murdered in front of his eyes, he becomes a vampire killer. The writing was strong though unpolished in comparison to Steve's, but Steve is one of the site's most successful authors (which means you did better than almost anyone else, Malk).
Anyway, I hope you publish more storygames, Malk. Steve, I look foreword to your next endeavor. :)

My favorite comment on this by far is still the "anonymous" rant by the AIDs obsessed Utah Mormon who never met Steve but got mad about Malk being slightly rude to him on a discord server. Going from zero to enraged autistic frothing and randomly accusing people of child predation really underlines the character of these people.

This stinks!

Sus

It's alright.. There a lot of grammatical mistakes that need fixing but otherwise it's not bad, but not good. In the middle I'd say.

Damn. Came here through an AIDungeon Reddit Threat. Was not disappointed.

Author of this CYOA is known to talk about defending Child predators with vigour, trolling and laughing and ridiculing child abduction on various servers. Honestly, wouldn't say if getting a drug test passed with flying colors is a higher bar than being a Aidungeon writer, i wouldn't say im surprised the person turned out such a huge and concerning disappointment and cp protector.

Got shot in the head while talking shit about how my master will slay my attackers. 10/10

Is this the origin of Count Gray from AIDungeon?

Very good story! Grammar is wrong in some places, but overall not too bad. However, I wish that in this story there was a better path for becoming a vampire hunter. All paths in vampire hunter lead to death or that one end path. 7/8

I loved the detail and adventure. However, I would like for there to be more options. Most of the paths I took had only one option. Besides that, the storygame is great.

I won't murder your family he said. I'm doing the right thing, he said. I keep the terrible things that go bump in the night away, he said. All I require of the people is blood and money, he said. You work for me now, he said.

It's short that I can't even feel good then it stop.duh

Stick with living with the Vampire... I mean it!

Quite alright.

"No man left behind". I don't think it should work here but my immediate thought was to stay in the coach and burn with the wolves

Love it thrilling!!!!

toooooo hard

What the hell does being a virgin have to do with having blood? Everyone has blood! From the most sexually depraved individual in the world, to Mahatama Ghandi, EVERYONE has blood. Oddly enough, it's also always red.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OXXzWgda_Q
Also! When I raised an eyebrow, was it anything like this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OXXzWgda_Q

pretty damn good, I lost kinda quick, will probably try again later

Steve's half was pretty good.

This is honestly a really good story. Good entertainment for a couple of hours. I got the ending, "By The Burning Coach" ;) The downsides to this story is that there are many errors and typos. The story also feels more linear. If you choose the wrong answer in any instance, you usually die. Still, the story is an enthralling one and I strongly recommend it.

this is a really great story to have read! (and directed.) the only thing I would want more from this is that it drags on a bit longer, adding on to the story.

Had a lot of fun pursuing a darker streak of our inner demonic nature. Tons of description- you really feel immersed.

The choices branch out so much, I love it

I thought it was well written. I enjoyed it - Room for a sequel after meeting he who shall not be named for sure.

clearly rushed

I've always been a sucker for classic vampire stories! I'm excited to explore more of this experience. My first attempt was distracted and I really want to see the other ways this can play out for the protagonist. A coincidental side note is that I've also used the term Blooded for vampires in my stories. I suppose nothing truly is new under the sun? Ok, ok, I'm sorry about the puns.

It was good while it lasted but im kinda disappointed in how short it was especially the vampire ending i just felt like there was so much more you could of done with the story you provided

Great. Wish it was longer.

Good story, intersting, and fun. Ovrall Great Work!

very good

So the obvious difference in styles is rather obvious. The one criticism I have is the same one you've probably heard 5,000 times. There are some issues with linearity. In Steve's portion of the story, I never really felt like I had any agency until the end. Unless you're a good little slave, you're going to get murdered. I understand that you were going for this "You're trapped as his servant and you do what you can to survive" deal. The issue I take with that is the very first choice shows you willing to lay down your life to protect what is important in the ultimate act of defiance. I would have liked a couple things. One, the ability to resist the Count in secret. Possibly even conspire against him. Two, if the protagonist is going to be broken, have him struggle with it. I would have liked to see him have to force himself to fall as much as the vampire was. You did a great job of that with the murder of the girl, but I felt like the transition from boy whose father was murdered to complete vampire thrall was too fast. Onto what was done well. Despite my complaints about linearity, you handled bad choices well in some instance. This makes me think that the linearity was more an issue of time than imagination. I loved how some choices would come back and bite you in the ass later on rather than the constant instant death choices. In many cases, deaths were actually logical consequences of choices I made. There were some that seemed to stretch the limits of my suspension of disbelief and made me green with rage, but not enough to send me over the top. The last sequence was everything I hoped the story would be from the start. Choices galore! Each one of them had a profound impact. While some did lead to death, even then it seemed satisfying. You tied events in the end with events in the beginning for people who were observant. I applaud this effort.

In looking at Malkalack's portion, I can't help but notice the differences in the way the world is described. It definitely seems rushed, but there is a charm to the world that draws you you in. There is an odd levity in this macabre setting that is ultimately appealing. The world that's painted is a hellish one where humans are at the mercy of vampires, but also one where the human spirit shows its resilience. Not in this grave "We have to save the world and band together" mentality but almost as if hunting vampires is a common profession and the extraordinary are mundane and routine. It defies expectations and I definitely hope you can revisit this setting or concept in the future.

I look forward to more stories from both of you.

This was an awesome story, good work.

It would be better if there were more choices. Good job, though! :)

Daaaaark....

You could have wrote more background on those three murderous vampire viceroys, so that it could be at least known why they WERE murderous for power. That's the only major detractor I have.

The rest of the story was nicely done, though. Long enough and well fleshed enough. Just what I like. There were still many microscopic rooms for improvement, however, and that's where the story falls short.

In short, good effort into making a story that is not the worst. 5/8.

This is just so much of 2 dimensional darkness that it's disappointing. You could squeeze it until it's brains pop out, and do you know what it's brains would be? Pencil markings! There's no love, no anger, no desperation, depression!!! There's no joy, hope, familial bonds...There's no humanity to it!!!

My only wish is for more choices.

more of a story than a game

Linear.

YAY. I found the happy(?) ending, and it was really intense and I enjoyed adventuring as Samuel!

Whoa...just whoa...

Congrats on being Non-Shamed guys.

Good story

I'm not sure if I got the best ending or not, but the book was amazing. Very descriptive and it was good that the book didn't make us glad we killed the people

Good story, there were some spelling and grammar errors. One of the main paths is very linear but other than that I liked all the real endings I found.

Got the "Demonic" ending on my first try.

I felt like the beginning and middle were a little slow-paced and linear at certain parts, there were also some grammar mistakes. The main character could do with more development, but the other characters were okay. But aside from that, the premise was interesting, the action was exciting, the plot was also interesting, but with an awesome climax and a decent number of endings.

All-in-all, this was a fantastic storygame and deserves a 7/8.

I got the ending "By the Burning Coach"!
Great story, noticed a few mistakes, but it definitely deserves this 7/8! :)