Desperate Heart

Not bad :)

This storygame was really good in many ways, and while i'm not usually too fond of Love & Dating stories (usually because they're almost always short with hardly any branching and similar endings), I found this one to have plenty of effort put into it.

It was longer than I expected from the 4/8 length rating, but it might only feel longer than it is due to it having many pages and choices, but few words in general.

The pages in this game are either a nicely written, detailed groups of paragraphs, while others just contain a sentence or two. Please work on keeping a constant quality streak while writing so the quality doesn't spread thin in some areas.

The fact that you can easily feel emotion while reading this and understand the characters feels due to the descriptions given proves that you're no doubt talented in fleshing out the character development and emotion.

Some of the choices (notably the first ones) lead to the same place, but nonetheless, the branching was rather impressive in my opinion.

I'll say 5/8, there's room for improvement.

I found this story entertaining--not a whole lot of details, but this is a Choose Your Own Adventure thing and not a huge novel, so I can forgive that. Because of that, I don't mind the lack of development between Kei and Kite--and I'm sure much of it happened off-screen that just didn't get shown. But, regardless, I liked the story, loved the ending I got--twisted and I was okay with the maturity, but it was really sweet. My only REAL nitpick is the lack of back-story; I would've enjoyed more of that, but I can forgive it.

A little too brief and short for my liking, but the writing is expressive and the length probably suited to people who only want to read a quick, short story. Feels like a summarized version of a much longer story, maybe of another game, perhaps? The options provided carried compelling emotional consequence, and the resulting description of the characters' state of mind was believable. Some parts of the writing could still use a better choice of words, i.e. there is still room for improvement. But then that could be said for just about all writing (regardless of author) and the quality here is still quite good and much better than most of the works on this site. Keep it up, would love to see more work from this author.

Wow pretty chilling! I do think the setting wasn't really developed, but it sufficed. This story could have took place on Earth if anything. Umm excuse me? The plot twist?!?! Well for my path at least. Very chilling. Definitely should be a movie plot! XD

It was interesting, even if a little short.

gorey

Reminded me of my desires! Hope for this to happen to me one day. Sounds like a fairytale! I really enjoyed this, and I hope you keep writing these great stories

feel like I should get an automatic comm here just for actually having an account. Seeing nonpersons with comms is saddening.
Anyway, nothing personal, but I very much so dislike this game. It starts out stupid and doesn't reakky get better.

cool

SHIT THIS WAS SUCH A SAD SAD STORY IT WAS DEPRESSING