Player Comments on Desperate Heart

Not bad :)

This storygame was really good in many ways, and while i'm not usually too fond of Love & Dating stories (usually because they're almost always short with hardly any branching and similar endings), I found this one to have plenty of effort put into it.

It was longer than I expected from the 4/8 length rating, but it might only feel longer than it is due to it having many pages and choices, but few words in general.

The pages in this game are either a nicely written, detailed groups of paragraphs, while others just contain a sentence or two. Please work on keeping a constant quality streak while writing so the quality doesn't spread thin in some areas.

The fact that you can easily feel emotion while reading this and understand the characters feels due to the descriptions given proves that you're no doubt talented in fleshing out the character development and emotion.

Some of the choices (notably the first ones) lead to the same place, but nonetheless, the branching was rather impressive in my opinion.

I'll say 5/8, there's room for improvement.
-- MinnieKing on 6/19/2017 1:17:05 AM with a score of 0
I found this story entertaining--not a whole lot of details, but this is a Choose Your Own Adventure thing and not a huge novel, so I can forgive that. Because of that, I don't mind the lack of development between Kei and Kite--and I'm sure much of it happened off-screen that just didn't get shown. But, regardless, I liked the story, loved the ending I got--twisted and I was okay with the maturity, but it was really sweet. My only REAL nitpick is the lack of back-story; I would've enjoyed more of that, but I can forgive it.
-- Tsukaiz on 4/19/2012 11:55:04 PM with a score of 0
A little too brief and short for my liking, but the writing is expressive and the length probably suited to people who only want to read a quick, short story. Feels like a summarized version of a much longer story, maybe of another game, perhaps? The options provided carried compelling emotional consequence, and the resulting description of the characters' state of mind was believable. Some parts of the writing could still use a better choice of words, i.e. there is still room for improvement. But then that could be said for just about all writing (regardless of author) and the quality here is still quite good and much better than most of the works on this site. Keep it up, would love to see more work from this author.
-- WanderingPlayer on 7/17/2011 7:50:14 PM with a score of 0
I personally liked the story, but that's just my preference. I would recommend it as a quick read, and my fave character is obviously Kite.
-- SPorky on 1/16/2021 4:07:19 PM with a score of 0
everything here was way too unexpected. way too sudden. didn't like it. nothing led up to anything. no choices we made mattered because they lead to the same ending choices.
-- Art3mis on 12/7/2020 10:35:00 AM with a score of 0
I wish it was a little longer and you could see what happens
-- Xearianna Rice on 9/7/2020 6:58:00 PM with a score of 0
Extremely short, but also extremely interesting. This could've been a novel.
-- Doyle Anderson on 9/27/2019 8:16:02 AM with a score of 0
This game is really good!
-- Caio on 8/16/2019 12:19:00 PM with a score of 0
i don't know what's happening anymore but this was GOOD
-- categorycam on 6/2/2019 3:28:53 PM with a score of 0
Really emotionally affecting. The writing style is perfect for the feeling that's being conveyed. It's vivid and intense, I'd love to see more with these characters.
-- Sarah on 5/28/2019 9:28:08 PM with a score of 0
Please have more unzipping of pants
-- Nick Gurr on 4/24/2019 2:46:19 PM with a score of 0
it was pretty good, could be longer maybe
-- xoxoalien on 4/13/2019 11:50:45 PM with a score of 0
I didn’t really understand the ending. What is Kite anyways? Is Yumiko good or bad?
-- GeniusPancake on 2/21/2019 3:03:31 AM with a score of 0
Good job! A little vague at some points, but a truly great story that you tried to tell. Well done.
-- RocketDraco on 11/25/2018 6:46:22 AM with a score of 0
i give this story two words bor- ing
-- Ashley on 6/21/2018 6:43:41 PM with a score of 0
so romantic
-- PrincessStarlight on 5/20/2018 4:30:26 PM with a score of 0
I enjoyed it. It could improve, but it was quite good and I hope to see more in the future.
-- Eudster on 4/17/2018 7:39:34 PM with a score of 0
Short, sweet, and a little bit cliche, but well written.

Also, I darn near cried reading this.
-- Elias on 2/11/2018 3:53:25 AM with a score of 0
Very descriptive. I love it!
-- AndTheTrashCanStarts on 2/6/2018 12:54:45 PM with a score of 0
I don't really get it but it wasn't the worst ive ever read
-- anonymous on 1/31/2018 1:33:27 AM with a score of 0
Impressive!
-- narwhalsswimmin on 10/27/2017 9:12:15 PM with a score of 0
Short yet interesting.
-- Tember on 7/30/2017 7:05:25 AM with a score of 0
Okay, interesting. Sad, but I'm intrigued. I kinda didn't get what was wrong until 3/4 the way through the story, so I feel some kind of backstory would have helped tremendously. (and more details, of course.)
Overall it's linear, but that doesn't seem to big of a problem. The thing is, the choices almost don't matter at all, which isn't good.
-- crazygurl on 6/17/2017 12:18:54 PM with a score of 0
Um, ok? Can something be deep and shallow at the same time? Sorta what this felt like
-- LeinadWhy on 5/24/2017 12:27:02 AM with a score of 0
Love it! It is AMAZING, read it. You must.
-- Anonymous on 5/9/2017 2:17:01 PM with a score of 0
This game was amazing! In the beginning I wondered what a Promethia or whatever Kite was WAS, but that part just before Kite killed (that was my interpretation) Kei's sister, it showed a flash of pure WONDER! I LOVED IT!!! Just wished it was a little longer but the endings were FANTASTIC!??????????????????
-- Orkid on 11/14/2016 4:17:53 PM with a score of 0
It's okay, I liked it a lot, though I would've hoped for more.
-- Olivia on 9/23/2016 6:56:47 PM with a score of 0
This was weird. Which is totally okay. I think it was every interesting.
-- Fernanda on 9/18/2016 6:15:18 PM with a score of 0
this was a very amazing story kind of short but very good
also a little sad but def recommend
-- zeke on 9/5/2016 2:51:26 PM with a score of 0
It was really interesting. I was always asking "What's Kite doing now?" It had detail, but not too much, it sort of let's you fill in the rest, which I like. It makes you think. Good job.
-- ContentPit on 8/27/2016 4:15:40 PM with a score of 0
Pretty good. Entertaining!
-- rosie on 8/20/2016 6:33:45 PM with a score of 0
Decent game
-- Robin3443 on 7/21/2016 6:11:18 PM with a score of 0
An adorable short story
-- Turbotorque on 6/20/2016 6:24:22 PM with a score of 0
It is very very very short and boring. *yawn*
-- Kitten on 6/14/2016 4:23:53 AM with a score of 0
That ending just....
It made me shiver.
I chose the monster one...
-- Seto on 6/11/2016 11:21:25 AM with a score of 0
It was a very heart-warming story. But why did Kite attack Kei's sister?
-- Jessica on 5/30/2016 1:26:38 PM with a score of 0
That was too sad for my liking. And I didn't understand it at all.
-- Brooke on 5/24/2016 10:26:54 PM with a score of 0
.......was it suppose to be porn? It we just all dirty. Or, the characters lacked life. Lacked more details more dialogue
-- Gen on 5/22/2016 3:51:43 PM with a score of 0
Great story. I am going to play again just to see the different tangents you've created. Thank you.
-- Elise on 5/18/2016 1:46:39 AM with a score of 0
I love it alot, it was a great story In my opinion
-- Justinwantsagf on 5/17/2016 4:14:53 PM with a score of 0
Good story overall. Very good plot twist. Just for you guys to know, i chose the word "No".
-- Deadly Lion on 5/15/2016 12:09:08 PM with a score of 0
It was interesting but I think it needed more romance in it to be in this category. Still a good story.
-- Read4Ever on 5/7/2016 1:14:59 AM with a score of 0
Boring and not enough twists and turns
-- Gellerboy on 5/5/2016 2:43:40 PM with a score of 0
I am at a loss of words I dont know what to say I didnt hate it but i didnt love it at the same time the story is strange but oddly enough...O.K.
-- Epsilon Church on 5/5/2016 9:48:24 AM with a score of 0
Wonderful story! I wished there was more though. (unless theres a sequel)
-- Epsilon Church on 5/4/2016 7:25:47 PM with a score of 0
this was AMAZING I kinda wish this was a movie it would be an awesome movie if the story was LOnGeR
it was....just amazing although I wish there where different endings where *WARNING SPOILER* the sister dosnt get killed
also very romantic but I do wish KITE talked more I know I know shes a broken machene but still the story would be so much more interesting if she spoke more.also I'm wandring how old was every body in the story in the beginning I thought kite and kia where kids but they where obvisoly not
but it was a great story and I'm definitely hopeing for a sequal
-- wow on 5/2/2016 1:32:45 PM with a score of 0
I truly love the story all thogh I do not understand the ending...other than that I think it very very cool.<3
-- nicole on 5/2/2016 1:15:03 PM with a score of 0
Loved it
-- Justinwantsagf on 4/29/2016 4:37:53 PM with a score of 0
What? Im not really sure what was happening but... killing Kite was fun? Wish I could have done worse. I wish I didn't have to have sex with her to. That was wierd.
-- Umm on 4/26/2016 12:47:44 AM with a score of 0
I put a7 out of8 because it tells a story of that could not be honestly i wanted to find the saddest part of the story and it was when kie saw kite killed yumico and said monster at her and he killed kite. Also its quite sad what yumico has to do to survive man thats a cruel life to live in
-- Samuel on 4/17/2016 12:39:42 PM with a score of 0
oh my goodness this story was the best by far thank you writer for creating this beautiful piece of artwork
-- alexjames1738459 on 4/8/2016 3:08:37 PM with a score of 0
I love kite
-- cerealsss on 3/22/2016 1:41:09 PM with a score of 0
i like it its interesting and its a good length for a short story nice work
-- thalia on 3/7/2016 9:47:29 AM with a score of 0
This was so boring
-- Benjamin hayes on 2/18/2016 6:47:21 PM with a score of 0
Enjoyed it very much.
-- Bucky on 2/6/2016 9:17:57 PM with a score of 0
A good story, I needed that. It was interesting how it asked you to fill in the sentences, but I wish it was longer. It feels like it's a bunch of words (simple, clean, nice words I might say) rather than a story, but I liked it nonetheless.
-- puddlebunni on 1/29/2016 12:25:55 PM with a score of 0
interesting premise, but something is missing, still fairly enjoyable.
-- kut52 on 1/26/2016 4:33:57 PM with a score of 0
That was…interesting to say the least. But still good.
-- tgy453 on 1/13/2016 8:23:07 PM with a score of 0
I didn't really like it. There didn't seem to be a lot of choices that meant something except for the last choice. The plot was okay, the endings were adequate, but I felt like the story was leading me to the ending instead of me leading the story.
-- AllThatIsGold on 1/9/2016 8:39:21 AM with a score of 0
Really good descriptive words I love the way it described her as a kite flapping down and the effectiveness of the way she lost her temper on kies sister bit cheesy at points but I think the base line rocked it needs to be longer though the ending where he shouts monster and cuts her, may sound weird but could be a bit more violent and the one where they walk into the heavens together is a bit pathetic I find the most meaningful effective ending that really touched me was her screaming after him telling him she loved him and the way kie was driven with love,madness,loss,grief,anger and hatred.
-- Classified ?? on 1/5/2016 3:06:06 PM with a score of 0
superb experience
-- ceff on 1/3/2016 3:43:24 AM with a score of 0
Its awesome
-- EmilyGotStyle on 12/22/2015 10:21:27 PM with a score of 0
Awesome
-- DontLookBehindYou on 12/6/2015 3:29:13 PM with a score of 0
good
-- ozil on 12/3/2015 7:31:06 AM with a score of 0
I love Kei and Yumiko!!!
-- kento on 12/3/2015 12:46:17 AM with a score of 0
Meh~ I was to lazy to read the whole thing. And its kinda boring.
-- Hiccup on 11/28/2015 10:02:21 AM with a score of 0
It was alright, I was a little confused by the storyline near the end, but overall it was a good story
-- Alyssa on 10/19/2015 3:19:02 PM with a score of 0
Loved it.
-- Love_Anime on 10/19/2015 12:16:11 PM with a score of 0
It was okay. I enjoyed it, and it gave me a bit of entertainement, but it's certaintly not the best.
-- Elijahicymorn on 10/17/2015 8:00:30 PM with a score of 0
I thought it was pretty good, it could have used some more detail and description, but there were lots of choices, and the writing was smooth and pretty smart, all in all, i thought it was good.
-- Amy on 9/22/2015 11:17:08 PM with a score of 0
I enjoyed this story, I just wish it were longer.
-- SwizzleStyx on 9/20/2015 4:34:35 PM with a score of 0
Quite short, other than that I really liked it, if you could rewrite it with more detail, story, backstory etc. it should also be a lot longer, but I definetley see a lot of potential
-- Thesaver on 8/29/2015 6:38:13 PM with a score of 0
I didn't like the ending.
-- Joe on 8/26/2015 4:40:54 PM with a score of 0
I didn't understand very much. It wasn't one of my favorites.
-- TwilightEdward on 8/25/2015 5:20:15 PM with a score of 0
Beautiful game! But so short, at least how I ended it. Wish it were longer :/
-- xBunnyx on 7/19/2015 3:31:33 AM with a score of 0
its oki. Its a little boring but whatevesf.
-- Marissa on 7/16/2015 4:42:34 PM with a score of 0
good story but very corny
-- redrock135 on 7/14/2015 9:04:09 PM with a score of 0
Tense. It's going to take a few more updates to be better, though.
-- GiraffeDino on 7/11/2015 6:41:41 PM with a score of 0
awesome
-- renee on 7/1/2015 4:49:58 PM with a score of 0
Oh my! scared me when Kite destroyed her!
-- MaryD2003 on 6/23/2015 2:24:38 PM with a score of 0
It was a good romance story perfect!
-- Iceclanprincess on 6/18/2015 5:18:33 PM with a score of 0
It was marvelous. A true love story.
-- Penworth on 6/16/2015 5:10:33 AM with a score of 0
oh my gosh i think im gonna cry
-- brodyman329 on 5/27/2015 6:58:26 PM with a score of 0
its really sad.
-- dougly2003 on 5/24/2015 4:14:28 PM with a score of 0
Why is her name kite
-- Softballmegan on 5/13/2015 8:09:55 PM with a score of 0
Hauntingly beautiful.
-- Someone on 5/10/2015 4:38:56 PM with a score of 0
Promethean=Illuminati
-- Sasha on 4/27/2015 7:35:25 PM with a score of 0
It's a strange way to explain love, but it was alright, I guess.
-- FireJay7 on 4/26/2015 4:23:22 PM with a score of 0
It was dark. Very dark. Please put your talent in to something brighter
-- Wolfina on 4/21/2015 12:15:15 PM with a score of 0
Well, this was very WHAT IN THE NAME OF DOG POOP?!?! IT WAS ALL ROMANTIC, THEN... ugh. *snap
-- Wolfina on 4/19/2015 8:29:35 PM with a score of 0
Monster.
-- katkid98 on 4/6/2015 9:31:29 AM with a score of 0
Very good plot, the end is somewhat weird.
-- WizzyCat on 3/29/2015 3:47:19 PM with a score of 0
It was pretty good... But not as good as chocolate ;w;
-- Alyssa on 3/28/2015 7:42:01 PM with a score of 0
I found it odd...which doesn't mean bad, just strange. it was alright
-- ilovewaffles11 on 3/28/2015 3:12:32 PM with a score of 0
Meh....Its ok.. Not the best... but I liked it. :P
-- GoldenMudkip on 3/27/2015 5:48:38 PM with a score of 0
I love it, You sick weirdo!
-- Zaguiza14 on 3/16/2015 6:56:35 PM with a score of 0
average, short and sweet
-- James on 3/8/2015 6:18:28 AM with a score of 0
Amazing.well written. Best story by far.
-- summer on 3/7/2015 9:44:03 PM with a score of 0
it was short, boring, and no details
-- anna on 3/6/2015 9:31:21 PM with a score of 0
Interesting story
-- Jims on 3/3/2015 1:01:00 AM with a score of 0
okay wow that was amazing. your writing is very dramatic and beautiful! love it
-- illy on 3/2/2015 1:46:48 AM with a score of 0
it was sad and depressing and also at the same time amazing! Why did the sister have to die. i liked how it was short and not long and boring,anyway thanks for it,
-- stormstar292 on 3/2/2015 1:20:44 AM with a score of 0
A very very sad story that seems like it could have been prevented through simple means.
-- Fableheath on 2/24/2015 10:34:46 AM with a score of 0
This is a fun story please make more of this I love it
-- Addison on 2/22/2015 4:37:57 PM with a score of 0
It was good, with multiple ending. I enjoyed it, but it was too short for my liking.
-- Dovahkiin02 on 2/21/2015 9:17:20 PM with a score of 0
Ehhhh its OK but first whats a promothian and second :3
-- Kayla on 2/19/2015 12:36:51 PM with a score of 0
Woah... That... That is all I can say... I give it 6/8
-- lovedove5667 on 2/18/2015 10:12:32 AM with a score of 0
Short and sweet.

A beautiful moment is far better than a painfully long and dull novel.
-- Jei on 1/10/2015 6:06:38 PM with a score of 0
Little kids should stay away from this. but I thought it was great!
-- Spiritfeather on 1/9/2015 10:03:47 PM with a score of 0
fucking promethians or whatever. I wished there wasan option where I could torture this Kite machine
-- foil7 on 1/5/2015 6:59:36 PM with a score of 0
Not Bad Could be longer but not bad
-- Chris on 1/3/2015 7:50:29 PM with a score of 0
Not as detailed...but amazing!
-- SiverInfinity on 12/30/2014 10:21:25 PM with a score of 0
pretty good....
-- shabam on 12/17/2014 8:45:48 PM with a score of 0
AWESOME
-- Carmen on 12/17/2014 12:21:01 AM with a score of 0
Well written for the length and I understand that there was fair warning of no happy endings but man... the happiest ending is still gruesome/cold hearted
-- MugwumpsUnite on 12/14/2014 12:31:22 AM with a score of 0
that was a nice game
-- pokelover59 on 12/10/2014 9:22:52 PM with a score of 0
I'm disappointed. You had the premise for some truly EPIC sci-fi, and you squandered it. I like romance as much as the next guy, but this pisses me off to know end. (Also, what was with the robot hentai?)

What the fuck is a Promethean? What is Cantus V? Why is all this epic stuff in here, only to be wasted as the background for wanking material?

4/8.
-- Malkalack on 12/7/2014 7:15:05 PM with a score of 0
I really enjoyed that, the writing was truly excellent and the storyline was interesting in a slightly sci-fi way. The relative simplicity of the story was a plus point and contrasted well with the unusual nature of the girl Kei (but hey, when love is involved you overcome a few minor stumbling blocks like the unexpected big one at the end of the story). First class story-game.
-- Will11 on 11/11/2014 10:48:34 PM with a score of 0
i like it but, not as much as pokemon.
-- mystery on 11/7/2014 8:25:28 PM with a score of 0
almost the best ever i wish it was longer and what was she? what was kite? reply to me at ourworldworld.cw@gmail.com please
-- channz on 11/4/2014 10:02:49 PM with a score of 0
could have been longer
-- desiree on 10/22/2014 9:42:46 PM with a score of 0
um i didnt understand it but great
-- rosiejordan16 on 10/17/2014 3:36:59 PM with a score of 0
It's great,but needs more..detailllll
-- Jolynee on 10/15/2014 4:21:44 AM with a score of 0
It was cool.
-- Silverflame on 10/8/2014 5:53:43 PM with a score of 0
Oh my god that is so sad. You're killing me. Seriously.
-- MissCat on 9/1/2014 7:01:26 AM with a score of 0
I thought it was a little gruesome, a little boring and not very deep. But it's not way too bad. Just add some emotion or something.
-- Liz on 8/24/2014 9:18:01 PM with a score of 0
This was shit. It was like i was reading a shit. And then eating a shit. In vivid pointless detail. That didn't even make sense. Coz it's actually just a shit.
Poop on it. Then shit it out of your shit.
-- This was shit on 8/11/2014 8:48:12 AM with a score of 0
It was short and sweet. I enjoyed it as a way to pass time but it wasn't something I'd go out of my way for.
-- Meg on 7/11/2014 4:56:19 PM with a score of 0
it is kinda good
-- pinkiepie402 on 6/23/2014 4:27:28 AM with a score of 0
It wasn't THAT bad but it was kind of boring. And plain. Uh, yeah. Sorry.
-- Jake on 6/22/2014 9:31:00 AM with a score of 0
Very good
-- Mc pro hammer on 6/17/2014 11:19:11 AM with a score of 0
Well written short choose your own. I'm new to this world, but held my attention and wanted to find out what would happen.
-- karebear on 5/27/2014 9:34:41 PM with a score of 0
Short and cute.
-- Madbrad200 on 5/26/2014 6:26:38 AM with a score of 0
A little dark. Interesting, however. Quite creative.
-- Buena_Cathlyn on 5/18/2014 10:25:51 PM with a score of 0
It was a little short, and I felt like I was imposing background to the story that was probably vastly different than the actual story the author had in mind. I feel that it could be bolstered with a little more background information, and a few more choice scenes between the one choice scenes.
-- bookmonkey on 5/13/2014 8:36:26 PM with a score of 0
I liked the idea you have going here. It was good, but there were two things I didn't like: that it was in third person and not second person, after all, this is a choose your own adventure, and I didn't like the lack of choices. Most of it there was only one link. But other than that, it was a well-spent 15 minutes.
-- EchoEchoEcho on 5/1/2014 10:00:00 PM with a score of 0
SUCKS!What ever happened after all that? Nothing? Thats what i thought
-- Brookelyn on 4/3/2014 7:05:13 PM with a score of 0
Good game a little morbid though
-- Ranma on 3/2/2014 2:43:52 PM with a score of 0
The story is a little disturbing, but definitely very innovative. It could be a little more detailed and little longer. Looking forward to more of such stories.
-- Luna on 3/1/2014 9:42:43 AM with a score of 0
Pretty good story, But could use more details.

Gives me ideas for Future art drawings!

Side-note: why is her name kite >~<
-- SirFluffykins on 1/29/2014 1:06:11 PM with a score of 0
Nice mini story.
-- CuteCatPaws on 1/28/2014 4:13:29 PM with a score of 0
It was boring,,,,sigh,,,
-- Rik on 1/23/2014 1:00:17 PM with a score of 0
This is an interesting story, but it would be nice if there were more endings. Like, instead of just these endings, maybe ones where Kite dies instead of your sister? Or maybe an option to kill Kite for killing your sister? Overall, its a pretty good story.
-- Zorse8 on 1/3/2014 1:55:05 AM with a score of 0
Interesting story at first, it's been a while since I read a novel in third person perspective. But the story itself in rough context is good yet it could still do with some touches on the edge. All in all, it's okay but I expected more
-- Darkner on 12/8/2013 2:59:05 PM with a score of 0
Was a nice,but short game!
-- Smartbart on 12/8/2013 12:20:10 PM with a score of 0
Really liked this. Although the choices didn't affect the overall story, it was wonderfully written. I liked the characters, even if it was a short story, I 'felt' for the characters.
6/8
-- Tanstaafl on 10/9/2013 8:06:44 PM with a score of 0
It is a good thing that this game was featured. It showed that machines can love. In real lihe, we know they can't.
-- harrypotter on 10/6/2013 12:32:50 AM with a score of 0
Ok
-- strawhat on 7/14/2013 5:45:26 AM with a score of 0
Hmmm...good game, but a little too short. The choices in the game didn't seem to affect the ending.
-- HaruhiSuzumiya on 6/16/2013 6:01:37 AM with a score of 0
I thought this was a great story, but be warned, it gets explicit.
-- Jamie on 5/25/2013 11:03:20 AM with a score of 0
Ouch... warning, peoples. If you're looking for a fun, squishy romance, this is not the story for you. Heart-rending, but well-done, an interesting story and compelling plot.
-- Some Guy on 4/26/2013 3:06:17 AM with a score of 0
It took me a couple plays to really appreciate this one; it comes off as very simple at first, but it evokes the sense of a well-developed world (albeit, one we don't get to see much of) behind it.

Not a lot of endings, from what I've seen though. And definitely nothing happy.
-- biscuit on 4/13/2013 5:49:37 AM with a score of 0
Cute, yet serious too, I like it.
-- Tando88 on 3/30/2013 2:15:26 PM with a score of 0
good, but too short
I hope you will (or maybe have already?) make a proper game in this world/setting.
-- joriandrake on 3/18/2013 5:04:07 PM with a score of 0
Some very deep notions here, as well as some good description. Though in some places the flow seemed a bit choppy. It could use some smoothing out. As well it always came to the same three options to end; there weren't really different paths so much as different sets of description to lead to the final three choices. Still, it was an evocative game and worth looking through.
-- Mynoris on 2/20/2013 1:41:25 PM with a score of 0
the end...that was scary
-- Ro on 2/18/2013 6:44:00 PM with a score of 0
So awesome paws! I loved it! They are together in my ending! I really like it.
-- CapturedNecko22 on 1/13/2013 9:34:18 PM with a score of 0
Oh wow! That was the best story I read so far! Kye and Kite in the ending I got, were together forever! Yay! I rated 8.
-- Aly on 1/13/2013 12:08:20 PM with a score of 0
This was so much better than I thought it would be! I was taking a chance in the love and dating section of the storygames, and I'm glad I did. Simply yet effectively written, thoroughly enjoyable.
-- Gmmcghee on 1/7/2013 5:16:59 PM with a score of 0
It was depresing. Even though i was choosing the things they would say I had to be realistic. But still if i was in Kei's situation I highly doubted I would have known what to do. What the hell man...it was good and dark and scary but mostly heartbreaking.
-- Kai on 12/14/2012 1:15:59 AM with a score of 0
There wasn't much choice, but it was an intriguing story all the same. Nice, simple, writing style.
-- Em on 12/13/2012 11:23:08 PM with a score of 0
This story was really sad, I didn't really mind that it was short, I think it got across everything it needed to get across. Got to say though, I found myself caring more about the sister than I did about the boy and the girl. Also the boy and the girl's relationship didn't seem all that special to me, so I liked the "Monster" ending the best.
-- Briar_Rose on 11/29/2012 12:38:26 PM with a score of 0
I liked it.
-- Stella on 10/26/2012 8:30:23 PM with a score of 0
... I don't understand, really. I wish you had elaborated on what Kite was and where she came from.
-- Kiel_Farren on 9/7/2012 10:46:01 AM with a score of 0
All three ending are so sad! Great atmosphere though. Make more stories, less sad.
-- Teresa on 9/3/2012 1:58:33 AM with a score of 0
Sounds poetic, slightly interesting, way too short.
-- Teresa on 9/3/2012 1:26:20 AM with a score of 0
it was ok
-- shgrjksdgjs on 8/30/2012 7:50:38 PM with a score of 0
I loved it!
-- ZombieAuthor on 8/15/2012 8:46:41 PM with a score of 0
Very nice. Creative. Well done.
-- FeeLynLove24 on 7/31/2012 10:43:10 PM with a score of 0
Very interesting, although far too short. I would've loved to play a longer version of it, with more depth to the characters. But still a great short story~
-- Corrupt Heaven on 7/30/2012 7:15:15 PM with a score of 0
Although the game was quite short, and needed a lot more options, It was surprisingly good. I loved the author's writing style, this story really seemed like it flowed so well, like a poem. I would suggest making one with more options and a bit longer.
-- Bubu on 7/27/2012 10:24:30 PM with a score of 0
I thought it was interesting but not the most amazing game ive ever played but the detail in the writng is some of the best i have ever read
-- katerang717 on 7/22/2012 10:00:33 AM with a score of 0
Really surprised by the negative comments on this, one of the best games I've played on this site. Simple but evocative.
-- Morgan_R on 7/13/2012 2:23:07 PM with a score of 0
the only thing i think it needs is a better backstory, so you know more about kite, the war, and how they got there
-- Nicpinkygirl on 6/25/2012 5:53:30 PM with a score of 0
I don't know, linear, 5/8.
-- EricDrewCents on 6/14/2012 2:10:22 AM with a score of 0
It Was Fun/Sad
-- tyhry on 5/18/2012 3:10:11 PM with a score of 0
Nothing to say much...
It's worst
-- RobustSporadic on 4/28/2012 12:40:37 PM with a score of 0
pretty darn bad.
-- awsomestuff on 4/9/2012 6:02:50 PM with a score of 0
Awesome

-- Fiesty on 4/8/2012 3:03:49 PM with a score of 0
It was an enjoyable reading. However, I didn't really get it. There wasn't enough detail to go around and create a good visual picture. You are a very talented writer and it takes a lot of imagination to make a story like yours. Maybe next time, try to give the reader a more visual and setting. Thanks for the enjoyment! :)
-- Nana on 3/24/2012 1:43:42 PM with a score of 0
Horror and sadness in a good story. Loved it
-- steve on 3/16/2012 1:07:15 AM with a score of 0
boring
-- n. diva on 3/14/2012 6:51:21 PM with a score of 0
What a fantastic experience. Original story, interesting delivery and beautiful characters. Please... Make more.
-- JohnVincent on 3/3/2012 1:51:36 AM with a score of 0
This was amazing!! So sad though... :( But great!!!
-- Liz on 2/6/2012 5:01:39 PM with a score of 0
so cute I love love story's
-- CuteGirl on 1/27/2012 10:42:04 PM with a score of 0
It would be nice if i knew exactly what was going on... but if i knew the background knowledge then this would have been a great story.
-- Meriko on 1/21/2012 1:18:00 AM with a score of 0
OK
-- etdrgf on 1/16/2012 11:35:31 PM with a score of 0
So brief.... So sad....
-- Person on 1/16/2012 7:18:14 PM with a score of 0
I loved it <3
-- Person on 1/14/2012 6:37:38 PM with a score of 0
I'm sorry, but to be frank, that was one of the worst games i have played here. I think you should have put some more effort into it.
-- will on 11/15/2011 12:16:18 PM with a score of 0
dude this sucks monkey butt
-- Nicole on 11/7/2011 12:49:21 PM with a score of 0
So sad.
-- Tina on 8/27/2011 6:09:57 PM with a score of 0
Truly beautiful.
-- NeverMind on 8/23/2011 4:11:14 PM with a score of 0
wow, kind of odd..
-- Agrusar on 8/8/2011 8:37:01 PM with a score of 0
i thought that this was amazing, it was very descriptive that it created this image in my head, like a film you kno.. haha. good job, keep it up!
-- Karen on 7/9/2011 11:46:10 AM with a score of 0
Well written, with an interesting backstory I'd like to know more about. I would have liked the relationships built up a little more, just so the choices were more meaningful and impactful. That I want more attests to the quality of what's there. Good job.
-- LD AKA Blaze on 7/3/2011 3:14:46 PM with a score of 0
Well written, good backround, and a fairly enjoyable story. Good job
-- Secretstarz7 on 6/28/2011 10:07:00 AM with a score of 0
Beautifully written, poignant and wraught with sorrow. Absolutely goregeous
-- shiv on 6/24/2011 9:51:04 AM with a score of 0
very well written.
-- Killer999 on 6/7/2011 9:48:29 AM with a score of 0
Reminds me of Elfen Lied.
-- Qia on 6/3/2011 5:10:20 PM with a score of 0
I love how this was written!! Of all games I've played on here, this is by far my favorite. Two thumbs up :)
-- YouGetPowned on 5/19/2011 4:51:46 PM with a score of 0
Good and well-written. Sad (I prefer happy endings, but I knew what I was getting into with this, so...) Interesting and moving. It might have been short, but the characters were still clearly well thought out
-- Cat2000 on 5/18/2011 10:29:06 AM with a score of 0
Great story man... Wish it was longer... And without the death of yumiko... This reminded me of Chobits...Man And Machine falling in love... To me... Love is love.. everyone and everything feels love...
-- Justin on 5/7/2011 3:53:48 AM with a score of 0
interesting to say the least
-- RandomLord on 5/6/2011 12:15:24 PM with a score of 0
It's okay.
-- tgsunrise on 5/3/2011 1:25:47 PM with a score of 0
Cool
-- lando on 4/22/2011 4:36:07 AM with a score of 0
An intriguing, bizarre story that lives up to its claim. I liked it!
-- theryanlee on 12/18/2010 3:39:46 AM with a score of 0
bellisima. :)
-- Iona on 9/25/2010 3:00:09 AM with a score of 0
that was really good
-- janine on 9/21/2010 8:00:16 PM with a score of 0
wow...Just wow...It was very, very good. A great story line as well as characters. I could go on and on.
-- Nekal on 9/1/2010 3:03:36 AM with a score of 0
it was weird what happened to Kei's sister. but all in all, it's a good story
-- fergie14233 on 8/6/2010 11:08:04 PM with a score of 0
it was confusing i couldnt tell what they were talking about and what the choices ment
-- hi on 7/20/2010 11:44:22 AM with a score of 0
Wow... just... wow...
-- Juranas on 8/28/2009 12:42:38 PM with a score of 0
it's ok..
-- TUZ on 8/21/2009 7:30:14 PM with a score of 0
Very good story, heard you got it off Elfen Lied
-- BeardedHoplite on 1/19/2009 4:30:12 PM with a score of 0
Incredibly beautiful. No matter which path was taken it lead to a coherent and incredible story.
-- Blanka on 11/24/2008 1:37:04 AM with a score of 0
Not too bad, but I didn't really feel like my choices were effecting anything. It's more of a story than a story game, if that's what you were aiming for. Kinda cute.
-- Songbird on 10/16/2008 10:31:42 PM with a score of 0
boring
-- saborrie4444 on 8/24/2008 4:20:39 AM with a score of 0
not long enough
-- saborrie4444 on 8/24/2008 4:20:05 AM with a score of 0
Immediately draws you in and doesn't stop. This is a story that doesn't need to be long. I did a double-take to be sure I wasn't reading something by Seth.
-- Melike on 8/3/2008 2:58:37 AM with a score of 0
:) Very good! I liked it a lot, and I even laughed once or twice at the choices... But, it really was more of a story then a storygame... I think that, even though the choices didn't do much to affect the story, that you could've at least added more choices near the end, but there are a quite a few pages where you only get one option.

Still, it drew me in and I felt like I was there. O.O You witch! I mean... 7/8 Keep it up. :D
-- Zero on 8/1/2008 11:37:45 AM with a score of 0
Innovative. Only problem is choices have no effect in the long run until at the end.
-- primates on 8/1/2008 10:15:02 AM with a score of 0
lol ok, so lets get this straight DS66. Nothing to critique, so it's perfect, but it only gets a 7/8?

It got a 7 out of 8, merely because it lacked length--from me. Oh and a certain tenta---
-- JJJ-thebanisher on 7/31/2008 3:37:09 AM with a score of 0
7/8. Excellent writing, Corinthian. There isn't anything to critique on my part, so I will just give you a job well done.
-- deadly_sinner66 on 7/28/2008 8:52:55 PM with a score of 0
i gave it a six because the writing skill was good, but i didnt like the underlying story line and what happens to yumiko
-- realprety on 7/24/2008 3:16:57 PM with a score of 0
I didnt like it. thats all Ive got to say
-- realprety on 7/23/2008 12:27:45 AM with a score of 0
Great story. Snow-esque in a way. Excellent job, my friend.
-- Anubis on 7/18/2008 9:51:03 PM with a score of 0
Wasn't Kei a character from a scifi love story Dears, only Khi?
-- ferret on 7/18/2008 8:31:13 PM with a score of 0
Wow, I agree with the others. There was a lot of mood, good writing, and it was quite original in the way choices were made.
-- tsmpaul on 7/18/2008 8:12:01 PM with a score of 0
wow...just wow

this is as good as SOME of seth's works

wow
-- th*mage*of*kings on 7/18/2008 5:05:11 PM with a score of 0
Went through a bunch of different paths. I liked how you integrated the CYS aspect with movements and feelings rather than only "choices." The writing is colorfully descriptive without being too descriptive, and it's unpretentious and clean. Each word seems to have been carefully chosen and placed. I really liked it. I want the tentacle rape scene put back in, though. Excellent work!
-- madglee on 7/18/2008 4:28:45 PM with a score of 0
Very fucking good.
Could be longer
but GOOD.
-- JJJ-thebanisher on 7/18/2008 4:23:00 PM with a score of 0
very good story. it was different to be able to pick emotions for different characters. fairly new idea, for this site anyway. great writing.
-- Fleshnblood_78 on 7/18/2008 4:19:24 PM with a score of 0
That was epic. Very well written! I would really enjoy reading more from you!
-- solostrike on 7/18/2008 3:52:12 PM with a score of 0
it's based on the celestial maiden legend
-- Corinthian on 7/18/2008 3:33:46 PM with a score of 0
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