Elvis At The Beauty Contest

Elvis at the Beauty Contest is a very cute story that has some surprisingly adult themes of class war and arguments between members of different social strata.

I must admit, the title is a bit deceptive since technically the story isn't actually about Elvis at the beauty contest, but rather, his struggles to even get inside since the other denizens of the town would only allow peacocks and other "beautiful" animals.

I love how Poison_Mara skillfully balances the cute story while hinting at some darker elements of this society hiding underneath. I think she did a great job, and these elements make the story interesting to older readers as well.

The ending was cool, I loved the twist where it turns out Madame Coon and Momma Cat were actually part of some kind of resistance, seemingly to overthrow the rigid hierarchy in this town and establish equality. I also felt like the ending where Elvis doesn't win the beauty contest is surprisingly nuanced for a kids' story, and teaches an important lesson that sometimes the world can be unfair. Despite doing everything right, rigid power structures don't go away in one night, and attitudes of intolerance and prejudice take a lot more than a successful investigation by Madame Coon to go away.

I also like the various lessons Elvis learns as he helps out with the various chores to earn the friendship bracelets; I feel like those adventures were the heart of the story. The Spanish omelette sounds genuinely delicious, and I liked that the story teaches important lessons like you shouldn't goof off and throw coloring powder at your friend when you both are trying to put on a show, or you shouldn't do fancy tricks when trying to cook.

But the best part of the story, and one that really touched me, was that even if you choose the naughtier/silly options, you still get the friendship bracelet. That to me, speaks volumes and hints at a really good message that friendship and family isn't conditional. I feel like punishing a kid for misbehaving by threatening to take away your bond is really cruel and messed up, and sadly a tactic a lot of NPD parents employ. By withholding affection to redirect behavior, you don't actually make the kid a better person, you just make them a fragile shell of themselves who's insecure, struggles with attachment issues, and is constantly trying to seek people's approval.

Like Costello did, make it clear that the behavior isn't acceptable and explain why it's wrong, but also still be kind. So I liked that the story doesn't punish you for stupid things, since it's a really positive example. Little touches like that really enhance the story.

I love the world that Poison_Mara built and the cameo of a CYStian(Sabley) was cool!

I got 5 friendship bracelets by the end: Sabley's, Costello's, Recycling event friendship bracelet, Hen neighbor's bracelet, and Madame Coon's bracelet.

The story's best message was that true value lies beyond beauty and beauty itself isn't just based on outward expectations. Well done, Mara!

This story is written in a delightful style. Not only is there excellent use of descriptive language but the flow and balance of the writing is also quite nice. The characters are colorfully described, not only in their appearance, but in the way they move and speak as well. The parts of this story are pretty well integrated. We are treated to characters that can feel immediately familiar and lovable. This is a perfectly good children’s story.

The editing is really clean. I think I read every page and I only noticed four errors, and a minor issue where a certain sequence dead ends the game. The four errors were also very small: a missed period after "Mr." - a tense shift - an “s” left off then end of “sits” on the page “The Tale” - and I don’t remember the other. None of these errors get in the way of enjoying the story. What caught me more off guard were low frequency words like stiletto that few young children would know.

While Dr. Seuss has lately come under fire, this reminded me of a childhood favorite, The Sneetches. It’s a really strong example of this subject matter presented for children. Parables are more effective when they frame the circumstances such that the audience can draw the conclusion for themselves. That isn’t exactly what is done in 'Elvis at the Beauty Contest,' but it’s close. At the very end of 'The Sneetches' the readers are told what the Sneetches learned and the kids nod their heads and say, “Finally!” If you enjoyed this story and you haven’t read The Sneetches (or watched the animated version), make sure you check that gem out.

I commented earlier about how integrated the story felt, but there is one oddity. Our main rooster Elvis, when we meet this affable fellow, doesn’t seem aware of societal norms he’s breaking, which is weird considering he’s been a rooster his whole life and lived in the same society. He is being naive rather than brave. The pacing is also very strange. The kittens are right that the story ends suddenly, and it’s jarring. The original obstacle that Elvis is trying to overcome becomes suddenly irrelevant. A villain arrives and is undone in an instant. Our naive hero doesn’t so much as lift a feather in response. He becomes a passive bystander in the world.

Neither Elvis nor the reader have any real agency. All the choices in the game come to nothing as the game ends identically no matter what you do. Even the path to get there offers far fewer real choices than we are lead to believe. There are plenty of places where your choice makes very little, if any, difference even on the next page. I should add here that the end perked my interest. There are some subtleties here that are definitely good. Will we be treated with more? I hope so.

This genuinely felt like a kids story. I could really see my parents having read something like this to me as a small child. It has a certain sweet quality about it, something about the style of the prose, that really helps create that bedtime story feel. That, and the talking animals, another detail I enjoyed.

Although it has the style of a children book, this story seems to have a little more depth to it than, say, Franklin or The Berenstain Bears. The world feels like it has a life of its own. There are some interesting details sprinkled throughout that hint at other events going on in the world, like the debris from a storm has recently passed through, or the new literacy program for chickens who can't read. You even managed to establish the presence of a social hierarchy and tumultuous political climate in the form of the quickly eroding social norms of the animals. I can easily tell that the chickens and raccoons are near the bottom of the hierarchy, and the peacocks are closer to the top.

This type of world building can be kind of a double edged sword, however. There were a few things that I felt weren't quite explained well enough, though I'm quite sure an explanation exists. I'm not quite sure what to make of the friendship necklaces, for one. They're never quite explained, so far as I could tell, even though they are quite central to the plot. And what was that bit about the kitten's mother being involved in some kind of resistance? It seemed to come out of nowhere. The plot may have benefited from a little more time spent on subjects like these. (There's also the chance I accidentally skipped over something, which I feel like I may have done with the friendship necklaces specifically).

On a completely unrelated note, I noticed something interesting about the way you handled point of view. There is no singular character controlled by the player. Sometimes we make a choice for the kittens, sometimes for the raccoon detective, and sometimes for Elvis. I wasn't quite sure what to make of this at first, as I haven't seen this sort of thing done very often. I kept going back and fourth as to whether I thought it was a creative style decision, or a strange quirk that needed to be fixed. But as the story progressed, I stopped noticing it, making it less of an issue. Looking back, it makes some sense that it would be this way, as the raccoon lady is the one telling the story, and could pretty much tell it however she wanted.

Of course, no matter how the story plays out, it always ends the same. This seems appropriate for a children's story, as most of them want to see a happy ending instead of all the other unhappy ones that usually show up in CYOA's. But then, I wouldn't exactly call this a traditional happily ever after. Elvis never does win the beauty contest, after all. I actually think I like it more this way though, because it's not what I was expecting. But then, I guess the ending isn't exactly a sad one either. Elvis goes on to have what I can only assume to be a happy life, and another chicken eventually does win the beauty contest. This may not be the best possible ending, but it is still a happy one. I don't know if a little kid would see it that way, but I certianly liked it.

All in all, this was a nice, wholesome story. I'd show it to my own kids, if I had any. and they'd probably love it. Well done on this one, I hope to read more of your work soon.

The story is great, and show how Elvis want to join at the beauty contest even she thinks she different with other.

The story is great, and show how Elvis want to join at the beauty contest even she thinks she different with other.

I enjoyed it, kinda goofy but sweet and a little mystery! Great for all ages.

Well written, with good characterization for such a simple story, and a fair amount of world building. This feels like a children's story, although the framing as an elderly Miss Marple type telling a story to children is well used. While minimal, the use of items is effective for it's role in the story. They help remind the reader which things have been accomplished and how close you are to your goal.

The notes on the former speciest stratification of life in the valley are concise but clear. While the actual pathing of the story ultimately leads to the same conclusion, there is enough variety in description and flow that even knowing the decision may be ultimately meaningless, it doesn't feel so at the time it is made. It is also a good feeling that Elvis can take steps to fight against stereotyping and bigotry by just being a good and nice person. Most of the things I read are no so uplifting. Given that the target audience of this story is presumably children, I think that is a good message to push.

I haven't read many of Mara stories, but if this is a good example of how/what she writes, I will certainly be looking for more of her works.

THIS IS TERRIBLE

cool

This was short and terrile