Extra Life

If the story went on longer, and the maze was better, I would have definitely rated it a 6/8 instead of a 5/8. Your writing skills are excellent, the story is really good, and I love how trust is a huge factor in the story.

What I don't like is that if you trust someone, you usually die if the trust was misplaced. That just kind of ruins the mood. :c

Other than that, the story is really good, nice plot, a drive for the protagonist, good writing skills, good grammar. Your descriptions near the end need some working on.

Improve maze + expand story (It was too short a segment to be "Part of a Series".) = MUST READ MORE (Actually, I feel the same way now... but seriously. This storygame has potential!)

Hell ending

not the best and not the worst either

Nice and short... a bit too short, but there hopefully is going to be a second part

Eh, ok. You have good potential, but try to give more details.

"What does this mean? You are going to return to life and figure things out.


Who killed you and why did they do it? Was it a random murder...A prank...Or some kind of huge conspiracy?


Please continue in Extra Life, Part II.


Ending Eleven: I Beat this Thing, Yeah!!"

Ah sucks! Another sequel! Am i playing another vampire game?

Easily capable of scoring a 7 or 8, with some subtle riddles and intrigue in every conversation. This is a very well written and coherent story which will lean heavily on your common sense, critical thinking, and wits. If there were any errors, none were obvious and I was so engrossed that I would surely have read right over them without a thought. It's one and only failing in my mind is the length and ending. I understand this is a part 1 and read the reasoning behind it, and do not fault it. It was still very short for a part one and felt that it could use 1-2 more major encounters and perhaps 2-3 minor ones to fill it out. Here is just my opinion- I dislike the way many "part 1" stories seem to end. This is by far not the worst I've seen and at least had a positive end point and didn't terminate mid scene. I do however suggest to people that when designing a multi part series they either ensure that each of the three parts is a self contained story, with a full 3 part arch and resolution; or that they end the action of that section but hint at or set up the events of the next story. This was a cold close, or hard cut, the mystery set up in the beginning of the story still stands, but other than that our o oh mystery is: "what will I find here?" With only brief hints of the dangers and challenges that await, and our only motivation being if we choose to answer the question of why we ended up here- there is no "hook" to make the reader hungry to pick up the next chapter. This is obviously a gifted creative mind that made this, and I enjoyed it immensely, I feel that pro level writing is within the authors grasp and humbly offer my perspective on ways to get there. Short but sweet, an A+ effort that with a few tweaks and proper fleshing out could be an A+ finished product.

nice, i enjoyed the choices

I am spooked

I enjoyed it very much :)