Petra's Choices

Note: this comment is one third actual review of the story, one third review of my old featured comment, and one third "I am fucking idiot" remarks. You've been warned.

Ah, Petra's Choices. I remember when this was first published it was call Demon in Disguise. Still think that title was way too dramatic, but Petra's Choices is just boring. Like, we're named Petra and we make Choices, it gives nothing away about the game aside from the character's name and the staple of interactive fiction.

I have no clue how I gave this a 7, because this is definitely not worthy of that. The writing is pretty lackluster with no real flair or punch to it, the story is just as boring, and the characters are bland and uninteresting and just fit into generic stereotypes. Like, really 11 year old me, you gave THIS a 7? You had really shit taste in fiction, but I guess something like this must've been mind blowing to your dumbass, because wow, it's a story that had actual effort put into it!

At the very least, there was some decent branching to the story. I can tell there was actual effort put into this, but effort doesn't always equal good; I bet a lot of members back in the MAG days put effort into their stories, and they were still hot messes. I'd say I put effort into my stories and they were still shit too but nah, those were effortless trash shoveled out for points.

Overall, I give this story a 3/8, and my old review of it a 1/8. In fact I rate 11 year old me overall a 1/8, he was fucking stupid.

The idea of your story is good and it has much potential, but it is a shame that your story itself feels... lacking. The general events, etc. are good and well thought through, in my opinion, but the lack of real descriptive text (like a description of surroundings, motivations or persons) makes it hard for the reader to really engage with your story.

Furthermore, because there is not much text on each page, the pacing of the story seems very fast. In less than five minutes of read-time you jump from waking up through different short scenes to an end-game-screen.

Like I said before I really like the idea of your story and if you'd manage to flesh it out some more by, for example, writing some more text on the pages or adding some more pages in general, I'm sure that it would rank into the higher scores of its category. Unfortunately, at the moment I've rated it a 4/8, because of the things listed above.

Well, that was an interesting read. While being short it was good, and it had interesting characters (Even though there are only four characters that talk). I do think that the title is a little over-dramatic about the events in the game, but I still think it was fitting.

The grammar was good, but it wouldn't hurt to have a little more than a paragraph on each page. There are no spelling mistakes (Though there was a moment where you accidentaly spelled 'mean while' instead of 'meanwhile'). None of the characters have a colorful personality, but that wouldn't add much to the story.

Overall, this is a good game and is interesting. Demon in Disguise gets a 7/8. It porbably equals to Reese's cups, it's nowhere near better, but rather equal.

This story is basically meh. It is not really bad in any distinct way, and has potential to be a lot better if it were not so short and was developed more fully.

Much of the story is linear. With the exception of a few pages, many choices do not affect anything within the story and they are just filler. It doesn't really matter whether I do my hair, brush my teeth, or put on makeup, I will end up at the same place.

Some of the choices, or I should say the result of choices, don't make much sense. Apparently, who I sit with at lunch on this day determines my entire future? Either my best friend cuts me off (wow, what a friend, way to be there for me), or my idiot boyfriend breaks up with me. Perhaps I am just old, but this seems overly dramatic (although the boyfriend is a psycho). More character development and emotional strain with some decisions would have made this a lot better.

The writing was done fairly well. I didn't notice any major grammar or structure issues.

Overall, this is a bland story in which you are able to make mostly inconsequential choices. SPOILER: The best thing about this story is that in one of the endings psycho boyfriend gets shot.

I definitely think that was NOT love related and way to scary and depressing.

I love this game. I hate dying in love games, but I like this one. Kyle is a freak,bitch and asshole. Thank you old man for shooting him, if that old man wasn't there I would of probably still grab a gun myself and shoot him, self defense I love this game you have to make another like this, the readers will love it too. CONGRATS! If you don't like it your a zombie or crazy

The old man saved my life and Klye dyed my life is complete

It was pretty good.

If it was longer, I'd rate it higher. I like the merging of different categories.

Rewarding a vet with pie every week for killing my psychotic boyfriend. Well that's just pleasant.