Player Comments on Polaris

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain some spoilers, so I implore you to read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The description summarizes the premise effectively, introducing the protagonist, their goal, and the setting it takes place in. As with MHD’s stories, it has a pretty picture too. Onto the first page: I like the animation at the start, it really captures the atmosphere of the setting given the neon-pink lights. Instantly, it draws the reader in by immersing them into this new world. Everything, from the description of the protagonist’s clothing to the worldbuilding details sprinkled in about how this society was formed, are brush strokes in the painting that is Polaris.

Maybe I’m being nitpicky, but there’s an overreliance on adjectives. Polaris was a “bustling, revolutionary city” with “tall, glass skyscrapers”. The protagonist wore a “dark trench coat” paired with a “wide brimmed hat” in an “old, rundown” downtown. Despite this, I enjoyed the verb-based sentences, as they breathed life and personality into the descriptions. There were clouds which “turned into swirling galaxies”, Earth as a lump of rock that “hurled mindlessly through the universe”, and moons offering energy despite their depletion. Perhaps this is a way of making space—the world beyond the glass cage—feel more alive than the artificially-controlled world below.

Tying the protagonist’s observation of her surroundings to her characterization is a nice touch. She yearns to solve mysteries—not just of this world, but of the whole universe. Yet, she was trapped in a glass dome to protect humanity from the inhospitable planet.

The description of the downtown and its inhabitants crafted a vivid image of the location. There are a number of cool worldbuilding details, from the bot inhabitants acting like humans to the idea of humanity clinging on to aspects of the old world even when it caused more harm than good. And the streets juxtaposed the vibrant, overly-bright and hectic descriptions of the nightclub, allowing the reader to picture the scene clearly.

Then, the narrative focuses on Dollface. She’s the one who requested the protagonist’s private investigation. I like the subtle themes of control and oppression through the nonchalant mention of having virtually no privacy in that world. The page ends with a clear goal: find out who has implanted a virus in Dollface’s bots and how to remove it.

WRITING STYLE

In some passages, I noticed Suspira has the same wonder and star-struck nature as Quinn in Mission Sunshine when gazing up at space. One great thing about the description is that it always ties back to the protagonist; it's never unconnected to the plot. Looking at the moon reminded her of how she yearned to solve mysteries years ago, while gazing at the bed of the virus-ravaged world brings back memories of time she'd escape the dome to collect rocks with her friends.

The bots are all described with their own personality traits. Even the language used for bots, ‘he’ or ‘she’, portrays the way everyone views them. In this world, they're seen as having sentience and emotions just like humans.

There's a stark contrast between uptown and downtown. One is described as rundown and rough while the other is polished and posh. A classic case of order vs lawlessness. The adjectives used describe this: “old” and “murky” vs “new” and “clean”. This is the exception to the adjectives rule, as the different adjectives used here clearly illustrate this juxtaposition between the two places.

There were a few parts with awkward phrasing like random commas (“I disable sound recording when I’m, alone with you”) or mixing up past continuous with past tense (The clanking of the bolt cutter and their feet echoed hauntingly and made your heart race). Nothing that made it unreadable, though.

There was a random unfinished sentence: “Or in DollFace’s company”.

One of my favorite excerpts was the nightmare scene: ‘“I don’t know,” you said. And you kept repeating this until your whimpers turned into strained screams. But you could not scream in dreams, so all that escaped your lips was futile gasps of air.’ Throughout this scene, the prose focused on sight, sound, and touch. There was the overall sense of a lack of control, seeing familiar people turned into unfamiliar, twisted versions of themselves. The world as she knew it was destroyed. This was a great way to set up the stakes moments before the climax.

CHARACTERS

When discussing DollFace’s rivals, three characters are introduced: Andromeda Scott, Urlos and Nova Wilde. They are presented as the three main suspects. I love how different they all are—Andromeda is DollFace’s classmate who stole her work and credit, Urlos is a bot she built which left her for a better life, and Nova is a superstar actress whose role she stole in the past. This makes it much easier for the reader to remember as they each have their own distinct characteristics.

Bots being treated as second class citizens is a fascinating world building detail. After all, it makes sense for them not to be viewed as humans when they were built by them. There are some who choose to rebel against this, whether by ‘gaining sentience’ and leaving their predefined roles or actively protesting against society, which only add to the lived-in feel of the world.

Then, having a conversation with Emulator was quite funny. The part where he asked her about what version she runs on to simulate emotions reminds me of how some AIs cannot distinguish between humans and AIs.

When speaking with Urlos, it's a nice touch that asking the same question would elicit different responses based on whether the protagonist accuses him of infecting bots. He seems to genuinely want to make a difference in the world and is upset by the way DollFace operates. This provides another perspective to their past conflict.

Other characters like Nova and Andromeda deepen the story around DollFace. The former appears to have forgotten about her, whereas the latter shows the untrustworthiness of unreliable narrators. There's also a constant reminder of the protagonist doubting Andromeda is happy with her life.

DollFace was extremely dramatic when being questioned. I found it quite touching that she still cares about Urlos and Andromeda, which was the reason she hired Suspira to look into them. Her care for the bot parallels the protagonist’s own character arc (more on that later). The theme of bots gaining sentience is executed well. They start off created with a purpose, only to wonder why they shouldn't be granted their own autonomy. It ties in with them being treated like second class citizens. DollFace’s relationship with Urlos illustrates this. Yet, his perspective can be understood, as their disagreement stems from vastly different views of bots and sentience.

PLOT

(Spoilers ahead)

It is said that the best dystopias provide commentary into the current world we live in. This is true of Polaris. In this story, there's the theme of environmental issues caused by humans taking more than they should. This is scarily accurate, as I just took a course about the linear economy vs circular economy. Resource depletion and global warming are mainly attributed to the extractive view society has of nature. Additionally, it also has a theme of corporate power, extortion and control. This is emphasized by the large number of unfortunate or bittersweet endings, as it is difficult to take down business leaders who are well protected by so many.

I love all the drawings, like the sketches of the visuals of the world. They add to the atmosphere of the story. My favorite is the animated buildings surrounded by light against a dark night background. I really like the one in the ‘dream’ ending of Polaris as well.

The protagonist doesn't trust bots. At the start, she speaks to her client DollFace who appears to see bots the same way. Yet, she often finds this worldview challenged throughout the course of her investigation. She meets a bot that wants to find a purpose in life through dating. Then, upon questioning Urlos, she may find herself relating to him. Ironically, she reveals how uncomfortable she is with bots that have simulated feelings to Emulator, only to start falling for him instead. Depending on the chosen path, she may also briefly develop a crush on a bot she sees when being detained. There is a parallel narrative with DollFace, who developed feelings for Urlos. Yet, in her story, she could not change her perspective. Eventually Urlos left because he couldn’t make a difference when working with her due to how she viewed bots (as merely products to be sold).

This story had lots of branching. There were so many different ways to get to Nova Wilde. I was surprised how there were routes for the protagonist to disguise herself, to attempt to sneak in, and even a branch where she was detained. All of these also showed her seeing bots in a new light—either Emulator or Vin, depending on the path.

There was a slight continuity error: When you try the compromised door to get to her apartment, there are four paragraphs about escaping Polaris instead which seem like they were copied over to the wrong part of the story (though I couldn’t find where else in the story they were meant to go). But a few paragraphs later, it continues as normal.

If I’m being honest, the part about Lady Detective Jupiter Moonbeam seemed slightly out of place as there wasn't anything which connected it to the current scene. I'm not sure if this was intentional or meant to be pasted in another part of the story. However, it tied nicely to the plot when the protagonist was inspired by Jupiter Moonbeam to take control of the gun in the last chapter.

“Intelligent enough to not destroy the very world they walked upon, and intelligent enough to be kind to each other, and to these sentient creatures of which they created.” This line encapsulates the theme so well. I didn’t realize it at first, but it was the protagonist’s dissatisfaction with her current world that led to a nostalgia for the past and a fascination with the galaxies beyond. Her world is one where corruption and selfishness run rampant, so she yearns to live in a better place. The daydreams and imaginings—it was all escapism.

I liked the part where Suspira and Emulator question all the leads and begin to understand the absurdity of this whole mystery. None of the suspects have much of a reason to infect the Katbots. And the foreshadowing of the bots being sent by Klecker to the moon has been repeated just the perfect amount to make the plot twist satisfying.

I noticed lots of good branching at the end too. The story makes use of delayed consequences; the interactions with each of the three suspects determine whether they would assist the protagonist in chapter 4. There are many alternate endings depending on what the protagonist does, most of which reveal the perpetrator behind the virus.

On the page ‘Speak to an authority bot at the scene’, there’s the following error:
67 - Sneak around into the back of Kat’s Meow. (PASS)
68 - Sneak around into the back of Kat’s Meow. (FAIL)
69 - Sneak around into the back of Kat’s Meow. (VIN = 2)

Lastly, the endings were well-written. “No good deed goes unstolen.” - I liked this ending line. It’s a good way to illustrate the harsh reality of that world. The dream ending showed there’s no point wishing for a better world without acting. “But you knew that you had rolled a ball of moondust down a hill, and soon it would become an avalanche.” - This showed a realistic representation of creating change. Ultimately, there seems to be no true happy ending if the reader goes to the fifth chapter, but there is a bittersweet epilogue where the one behind the bot virus is killed.

Overall, this is a fun and entertaining sci-fi mystery with thought provoking themes. It definitely deserves more reviews.

I clicked through the first couple of pages of this wondering how EndMaster could have possibly only bothered to give this a 7. There clearly was a lot of work put into this-- with the world-building, the story, and of course all the hand-drawn pictures to go along with it (Those were my favorite!). It seemed like an instant 8 to me. But clicking through a couple more pages the problem becomes more apparent.

Frankly, this storygame is unpolished.

There seems to be some missing pages or parts of the story that were cut out or overlooked due to the time constraints of the contest. On the page choosing to entertain Nova Wilde, there seems like there should be a missing scene where you get some information out of her. It doesn’t seem to make sense to just show up unannounced, have sex with Ms. Wilde, and then leave without getting information? Aren’t we supposed to be investigating to see if she’s the one responsible for the bot virus?

On the starting page for Chapter V there is an option to call Emulator. If you decide to go this route you get a cute scene of you and the robot cuddling, but you seem to miss out on a vital page where you get an invitation from a Kleckner bot. A scene that you would’ve seen if you picked the other option, deciding not to call Emulator. So it’s clear that the pages seem to be out of order there.

On the page ‘Speak to the Authority Bot at the Scene’ there seems to be some variables at the bottom that were left exposed. It’s not really a problem that affects the rating, I just thought I should let MHD know.

Well despite everything I really liked this story. ‘Dystopian Cyberpunk’ usually isn’t my thing but I enjoyed the way MHD did it. I usually am a fan of romance so maybe that’s just missing in a lot of these kinds of stories for me, ha ha. I mean, I did like how some scenes you used your ‘feminine wiles’ to seduce to bots and get out information from them and the romance with Emulator and the even the way Nova, DollFace and Andromeda seemed to fall for your charms as well. The story seemed a little short for having such an ambitious world and I would have liked to see that expanded upon as well.

Overall, it’s a 7/8 for me!

Ah, “Polaris.” It evokes lovely images of, well, the north. Maybe the north star. Maybe the far north and the north pole. Is it cold in here? Anyway, back to the story and the first page that has a giant neon sign for a whorehouse! Oh, this is going to be a good one, isn’t it?

Very nice setup and world. I liked the descriptions and how everything was set up in the first page. At one point I wasn’t sure if I, also, was a bot, but that’s probably just me. It was fun trying to imagine the world around me as I read, not really knowing what was going on all the time. This weird combination of an alien world, the bots, and the tech made this a really fun setup.

The various types and times of choices was interesting. The first set of choices it was clear that I had to (or should) make each selection before I moved on. But then the choices seemed to limit me, and once I picked one choice, all the others were not still there. That’s nice, as it made me really start to think about the choices and why I might pick one instead of the others. It was fun that I could baselessly accuse the first guy and then it refused to talk to me after that!

It was fun interacting with the different bots in the different situations. This was a neat story that I enjoyed a lot, even if I did feel like a cheap whore at times!

The prose oozes with atmosphere and the artwork is amazing! I love this world you've created! It definitely succeeds in immersing the player in a noir-style story and more.

It's interesting about the lack of "real" men in this floating city. The idea of a female population having constant exposure to artificial male personalities in the place of biological men is an interesting idea that I would be curious about exploring further. I wasn't personally interested in dating Emulator, but I liked the character anyway. I was less enthused with the fact that I as a player had to watch as the protagonist would have a sexual encounter with Emulator without any choice in the matter. It would have been interesting to see a route where the player chooses not to acknowledge any "humanity" in the bots at all, perhaps even developing and cementing the character's repulsion to bots depending on certain choices.

Polaris is a mystery story that sheds light on consequences of environmental pollution and also involves unlikely romances.

My favourite character was Dollface because she was multi-dimensional and felt real. She wanted to be an actress in her past, had disputes with her robots, and then developed to be head of her own company. She is an independent woman and I liked reading conversations involving her.

I liked the mystery components in this story. The story lets the reader gather clues around the pages and decide for themselves who the culprit is, only to find out that there is another side to the story and clues given might not always be true. I think this was very innovative.

What I didn’t like though was that the story kept forcing me to have romantic relationships with characters. Come on, I was only introduced to Emulator for like 5 seconds! I don’t even know his personality or anything. Also, I’ve only met Nova Wilde for two sentences. Why on earth would I feel disappointed when I chose not to entertain her? Which is weird because it’s not like you don’t know how to do this. In Mission Sunshine, that star guy had wife and children and never even said a word to me yet I still wanted to date him.

This story felt like a 6 but because of author notes that were missed out on some of the pages and also links that were unavailable because I refused to date the robot and the actress (making me unable to get to the bottom of the mystery) I gave 5/8 instead.

I love the world building in this story, you can tell MHD has been working on this world for a while With every detail making the world feel alive. The illustrations on a good chunk of the pages help visualize the universe and who doesn't love seeing more MHD art.
Reminds me of "The Incal" by Jodorowsky and Mœbius

hawt

Quite an ambitious depiction of an orphaned planet.
Some parts were confusing. For example, at one point Emulator was destroyed but he was back in one of the epilogues.
Definitely achieved the noir type of genre feeling, even though here and there the prose was rather clumsy. But it left a depressing picture of a failed industrial world slipping downhill into misery and chaos.
The branching choices were rather odd - I had to go back a few times to be able to ask obvious questions or pursue a 2nd option rather than being led onwards to the next chapter.
I was rather mystified why there were almost no men. Had the bots taken over that role?

Great story! I liked the characters and the 'steampunk noir' was an amazing premise!