Secrets of Target

Well, that certainly was... something... I understand that this is your first story and I really think it's great that you put time into writing this. However, I'm kinda sorry to say that your game isn't great. In my opinion it is waaay to random. I have the feeling that you might have been trying to write a funny/quirky story and that the general randomness is part of that, but I personally didn't like it, though others might.

I have given your story a 3/8, because I can see that you put time into writing this and it at least has some choices, though most of them lead to a random death scene. However, the, in my opinion, poor writing and random randomness prevent it from getting a higher rating. However, I'm sure that your next game will be better.

Good luck writing!

This story is a rudimental one at best, however I appreciate the time at much have been put into it. The writing style is incredibly imaginative and creative, and I feel like you could really come up with some brilliant plots and ideas. Although, saying that, this seems based off the Wal*mart game quite a bit. Also tone down the randomness a little, run your story through a grammar checker, and maybe elaborate slightly on each page you make. There were two main paths in this story, one being considerably longer than the other. Next time, think more about how you can let the reader influence the way the story leads out in a more meaningful way. 4/8

But but but... I just wanted to watch TV mom...

Can I please have my head back?

This game was very random. None of the deaths made sense.

I don't want to echo nmelssx comment but...no one likes random games.

"You start walking. Suddenly, some of your basketball Buds come racing along. One pulls out a dagger and 3 ninja stars, and throws everything toward your head. They don't miss there mark. You fall over dead, while they start devouring your body like cannibals, your mind gives 1 last thought before you die:"

Dude, your game is random. No one like random games.

One thing I noticed is that you tend not to put a space when you start a new sentence. The writing style is rather childish, but that is excusable, since this is supposed to be humorous. On that subject, I would like to point out that most of the tags you have put on this game are inappropriate. It is not a war game. It is not serious. It most certainly has no puzzle elements. Social importance? Yeah, right. The only tag you currently have that would be even somewhat appropriate is "part of a series", and that's just because it's impossible to disprove that you are working on a sequel. Still, you did seem to put a little effort into it. 3/8.

Meh, it was entertaining enough.