The Pictures from the Prophecy

Well, I must say that this storygame was rather cute, all things considered. I actually read this once before and I remember comparing it to that of a children's book, which I meant as a compliment. There is definitely a moral lesson to learned with this story, and I believe that the lesson told at the end within this story was one that was told well enough.

I liked the use of pictures in this, I felt that they had a much larger impact than usual due to the premise of the narrative of the story, and thus they didn't feel out of place at all. You could say that the pictures did well in accompanying the story and benefiting it in the long run.

There were some qualms with the grammar however, more often that not there were typos that were present in some of the pages of this storygame. I don't feel that they were too bad, but there were typos that I feel could have been avoided if you took a closer look and decided to proofread. Or perhaps gotten someone else to give a glance over at your work. Still they didn't detract from my enjoyment too much, and for the most part the writing was indeed coherent.

Though this wasn't truly a long story by any means, I don't feel that you should necessarily make the reader have to reset from the beginning if they so happen to get a choice wrong. At least that's my opinion on the matter, because I often found myself trying to see I there were alternative paths to be taken in this storygame, but it seems like this story was one that was rather linear when everything is taken into account. Perhaps more effort in branching wouldn't have detracted too much from the message that was trying to be conveyed with this story?

In the end, I felt that this story was quite imaginative and rather creative in the way it was told. This wasn't bad by any means at all, and I found myself rather entertained from the writing in this story.

Good job.

It felt much like a fable. You called each thing what they are (ex: Rogue, Warrior, Lizardman). I mean, it's not wrong, but it does cut down the story's potential.

It was a pretty good storygame, but very easy. It was super easy to convince the Lizardman and Warlord to be nice, which was a bit disappointing.

Your sentences need some improvement. Too many commas exist, and the sentences just run on and on, though are generally correct word-wise. Also, at some points, the dialogue was all jammed into one paragraph. Use correct paragraph division please.

Overall, it was a decent storygame, but quite basic and could use fleshing out (especially with setting).

I found it clever and well made

Ugh. Your spelling was bad enough that it was downright distracting. And maybe don't tell us exactly when to use each item? I think most people realize when they come to a locked door that they should probably use a key.

... C'mon! Even if the maturity ranking is only 3/8, I expect some action. Or some romance like EndMaster. He writes some good porn.

Nice gameplay, fairly easy to beat, but with some chances to fail.

Umm, well I think this was pretty fun, like a children's book actually. That is meant to be a compliment.

Da fudge is this s?

So... You meet everyone in the prophecy AND stop the warlord by talking to him all in one day? Also how likely is it that saying a totaly of four sentences will stop someone from taking over the world? Other than that it was a very good story and I think you did a pretty good job.

Pretty good