A Day In The Life of A Slice of Bread

There are a couple of things to improve upon with this story:
-I'd say a storyline is important. Without a storyline, there really isn't much reason for the reader to keep being the reader, it's not like they're emotionally invested in the slice of bread.
-It needs to be longer: this feels a little rushed, like you just wanted to get a story out there, rather than putting in the fair amount of time it takes to make something well written. That being said, I think some of the humour could be good with a little polishing!
-Some of the choices weren't really indicative of what was going to happen. E.g: you can turn left and the game ends, or you can turn right and it continues. I might as well just guess if I don't know what's going to happen!

Either way, I think you could write something good with a bit more effort and a framework to start with!

Where do I start?

This storygame had a really bad plot... i'm sorry, but playing as a slice of living bread is a lot less entertaining then it sounded.

I played three times, and the endings I got were being turned into toast, getting soggy, and the "special" ending. I feel no accomplishment when I play this game and win.

It's way too short, and the choices were completely random. Such as "grow a face." The lolrandom humor just didn't appeal to me.

There was a line in the story that said, "Luckily gives you another chance."
I'm assuming you meant something like "Luckily, life gives you another chance." Unless there was a character named Luckily you never mentioned. Keep an eye out for errors like that.

I honestly expected more from a 4/8 lengh story. It was insanely short, with about a single paragraph a page. There was about zero detail, and it felt like it was written in ten minutes.

Overall, 2/8. Keep trying.

-I am sorry to say that due to you being such a pussy, you have flooded an entire planet with your tears. There are no survivors. Also, you're soggy.

Your a pretty funny dude, sleepy. You should definitely make more like this, but let me explain why.

1. I found no grammar errors in my first nor second playthrough, so grammar is fine, but I may be wrong.

2. Short and sweet, at least. Not all good stories must be long (just look at SNOW), and this one seems to be the right length for this type of story- short and humorous.

3. Yeah, and it's pretty funny too. Look at the beginning of the review- I am sorry to say that due to you being such a pussy, you have flooded an entire planet with your tears. There are no survivors. Also, you're soggy. That's pretty funny, I laughed at this.

I'm wrapping this up- I gave this story a 6/8 for this not being a bad story at all. I mean, it's nowhere near as bad as a lot (and I mean a LOT) of other stories on here. So go you, sleepy.

Let me run it back to the start so I can try to win

This is great

fun game!

I like this, it was pretty fun!

i dont like that you cant redo without closing the tab :(

Hi Good Game 👍

good