Player Comments on A Day In The Life of A Slice of Bread

There are a couple of things to improve upon with this story:
-I'd say a storyline is important. Without a storyline, there really isn't much reason for the reader to keep being the reader, it's not like they're emotionally invested in the slice of bread.
-It needs to be longer: this feels a little rushed, like you just wanted to get a story out there, rather than putting in the fair amount of time it takes to make something well written. That being said, I think some of the humour could be good with a little polishing!
-Some of the choices weren't really indicative of what was going to happen. E.g: you can turn left and the game ends, or you can turn right and it continues. I might as well just guess if I don't know what's going to happen!

Either way, I think you could write something good with a bit more effort and a framework to start with!
-- AzBaz on 5/31/2017 4:38:14 PM with a score of 0
Where do I start?

This storygame had a really bad plot... i'm sorry, but playing as a slice of living bread is a lot less entertaining then it sounded.

I played three times, and the endings I got were being turned into toast, getting soggy, and the "special" ending. I feel no accomplishment when I play this game and win.

It's way too short, and the choices were completely random. Such as "grow a face." The lolrandom humor just didn't appeal to me.

There was a line in the story that said, "Luckily gives you another chance."
I'm assuming you meant something like "Luckily, life gives you another chance." Unless there was a character named Luckily you never mentioned. Keep an eye out for errors like that.

I honestly expected more from a 4/8 lengh story. It was insanely short, with about a single paragraph a page. There was about zero detail, and it felt like it was written in ten minutes.

Overall, 2/8. Keep trying.
-- MinnieKing on 1/25/2017 5:48:08 PM with a score of 0
-I am sorry to say that due to you being such a pussy, you have flooded an entire planet with your tears. There are no survivors. Also, you're soggy.

Your a pretty funny dude, sleepy. You should definitely make more like this, but let me explain why.

1. I found no grammar errors in my first nor second playthrough, so grammar is fine, but I may be wrong.

2. Short and sweet, at least. Not all good stories must be long (just look at SNOW), and this one seems to be the right length for this type of story- short and humorous.

3. Yeah, and it's pretty funny too. Look at the beginning of the review- I am sorry to say that due to you being such a pussy, you have flooded an entire planet with your tears. There are no survivors. Also, you're soggy. That's pretty funny, I laughed at this.

I'm wrapping this up- I gave this story a 6/8 for this not being a bad story at all. I mean, it's nowhere near as bad as a lot (and I mean a LOT) of other stories on here. So go you, sleepy.
-- RoyalGhost_007 on 5/19/2015 12:01:42 AM with a score of 0
Kinda short. Oof.
-- TitaniumCat on 11/5/2020 1:34:45 PM with a score of 0
This game is amazing, truly life-changing.
-- wheatbread on 4/23/2020 5:37:51 PM with a score of 0
This story is the sort of goofy trip that comes from literate preteens, or someone that's experienced acid.

It's something to come back to when you want to try another branch and read something silly.
-- DerPrussen on 3/11/2020 7:49:28 AM with a score of 0
Very funny, I am also a new creator and i realize how important good comments are. the only advice I would like to give is: add a try again link. Once again, very funny story, keep creating!
-- crazyllama0512 on 12/23/2019 8:33:03 AM with a score of 0
well it's cool. yup, kinda cool.
-- lopely slope on 12/5/2019 7:31:51 AM with a score of 0
This story was simply just... bland. It felt rushed, and some options did not even leave you with a choice. I enjoyed the humor, but it was not a good experience, because of how it ended so suddenly and limited your options. Also, I went back over and over again, choosing different paths while I was at the famous "Swanky Hot Dog Cart", and they still all ended the same. Very little thought was put into this.
-- SadieG on 11/29/2019 8:21:05 AM with a score of 0
BREAD
-- BREAD on 11/18/2019 11:21:35 AM with a score of 0
No shame at all, but this actually sucked. I usually like these short little random humorous stories, but this one wasn’t good enough not even close. Most short random games have something about, and a fowl problem is just absurd, the apprentice king is totally random.
But this piece of absolutely dog crap is none of those this story Isn’t even funny like what the heck? If your going to put a game in the humor section, at least make it entertaining. And let me tell you writing in ALL CAPS, and ellllllllllooooooonnnnnnnggggggaaaaatttttiiiiiiiinnnnnnggggg words do NOT I repeat NOT make it funny. This game is trash I recommend you stay far far away from it because I know some sniveling little 6th grader wrote this thinking it was the funniest thing in the world when in all honestly this story makes me want to barf my fricking guts out.
Your Immature and Stupid SO PLEASE FOR THE GOOOD OF EVERYBODY, break your computer and stop writing.
-- Davefaster on 10/24/2019 9:51:54 AM with a score of 0
I clicked this because it reminded me of I Am Bread. The toast pun was my favourite part about this. The story called it the worst pun in existence but it made me crack up. The rest was ok but the part that stood out to me was the toast pun because it was really funny and that is why I rated this a 5.
-- jodithewitch on 9/1/2019 1:31:12 AM with a score of 0
this game is the worst its not even any fun wow am i sad
-- lizzy on 8/27/2019 3:01:15 PM with a score of 0
wasnt the actual game
-- waste of time on 8/23/2019 6:25:08 AM with a score of 0
CHAOS CHAOS VERY GREAT *insert jevil here*
-- JEVIL MAN on 8/18/2019 1:25:19 AM with a score of 0
I don't like that this is a version without animation. The original game was animated!
-- Belle on 8/13/2019 3:35:55 PM with a score of 0
The game is pretty much just a boring copy of the real game. I’d id about 3 choices and I had already finished the game, there was no fun whatsoever in the game and it was like doing a basic buzzfeed quiz! I would recommend not to play this, unless you want to increase your boredom
-- Eggman on 7/7/2019 6:06:36 AM with a score of 0
Love it
-- Sarah on 6/23/2019 3:53:02 AM with a score of 0
Uhhhhhhhh hi. I think that this game is very good. It will teach you a lot about life as a bread. It will help you to make good decisions in your life as bread. Uhhhh that’s all thank you and bye.
-- Beezer on 6/19/2019 5:59:37 PM with a score of 0
this game is horrible
-- brian on 6/15/2019 12:34:21 PM with a score of 0
it is so fun to meet your fate!
-- Alana on 6/13/2019 10:44:33 PM with a score of 0
To short I don’t want to get toasted ??????
-- Banana nana on 6/4/2019 11:49:13 PM with a score of 0
this is copied off a game by somebody else on a different website, so give them some credit :/
-- Nobelium Uranium on 4/3/2019 4:53:14 PM with a score of 0
WhAt AbOuT dAt sWaNkY hOt DoG cArK
-- JADE on 3/28/2019 1:22:08 PM with a score of 0
I was toast
-- Beard on 1/24/2019 5:13:06 PM with a score of 0
This game is great. It does have a few flaws though. The game seems somewhat rushed and the comedy isn't too good, but with some framework, you could be a great game developer! Good job, and I hope you continue doing this work.
-- DR on 12/6/2018 12:38:42 PM with a score of 0
Yay! I made the special ending and can give u deets on how to do it!
-- DR on 12/5/2018 12:03:21 PM with a score of 0
wow
-- victoria osorio on 3/11/2018 11:03:57 PM with a score of 0
What were you expecting? Some dragon to come swooping through the house, or maybe King James the ||| would just ride up into the kitchen on his horse to deliver you a quest something?

yes!!
-- heart lover on 2/19/2018 7:12:34 PM with a score of 0
You get to know her better and eventually ask her to go on a date, to which she replies yes.

Bread can go on dates!?! 9/10

P.S. make the storyline longer, that will give this 10/10
-- heart lover on 2/19/2018 10:16:29 AM with a score of 0
You consume your entire body and newly acquired face all in one big chomp. Unfortunately this entire break in physics somehow is able to create a black hole, eventually sucking up all of the universe. That includes your loaf. Are you happy with yourself? You were a piece of bread that was lucky enough to be given life by some unknown god, but instead of becoming famous or going on bread adventures, you cried about your loaf and then ate all of the universe.








I just want you to know that your loaf wouldn't want this.


Thanks Caption Obvious!!! P.S. WTF IS THAT ENDTNG
-- mad gamer on 2/19/2018 9:04:18 AM with a score of 0
I am sorry to say that due to you being such a pussy, you have flooded an entire planet with your tears. There are no survivors.


Also, you're soggy.

WTF dude !!!
-- super rainbow on 2/18/2018 9:52:32 PM with a score of 0
so amzing, except the part I get crushed by a bowling ball, other wise it was fun !!!!
-- amazing kid on 2/18/2018 9:49:53 PM with a score of 0
This game was really fun and you are very talented for making up a game that no one has ever thought of but have wondered about
-- maria on 1/14/2018 1:31:57 AM with a score of 0
First of all, it was short, much shorter than I hoped it would be, which was a shame, because the humor of this short story was quite entertaining, so good job in the department!

Second of all, the pages were too short and while I know that the shortness of the pages was part of the general humor of the game, it was still slightly annoying.

Thirdly, grammar, well, there isn't much to say in regards to your grammar, it's ok, it's not stellar and that's that.

And finally, your humor, I can't explain it to myself, but despite it all, I found the game to be quite humorous, so good job in that regard.

Well, all in all, I'd say your game deserves a 4, and that's just for the humor itself!
-- Claw2k11 on 12/30/2017 9:39:18 AM with a score of 0
"Eat myself out of existence because I am just so sad about my loaf.
You consume your entire body and newly acquired face all in one big chomp. Unfortunately this entire break in physics somehow is able to create a black hole, eventually sucking up all of the universe. That includes your loaf. Are you happy with yourself? You were a piece of bread that was lucky enough to be given life by some unknown god, but instead of becoming famous or going on bread adventures, you cried about your loaf and then ate all of the universe.
I just want you to know that your loaf wouldn't want this."

Not the best; certainly not the worst. ;D
-- TestingJest on 12/9/2017 2:09:45 AM with a score of 0
...
Cool
-- Isabelle on 12/6/2017 12:06:03 AM with a score of 0
This game has taught me the most important thing in life...




growing a face.
-- LonelyChicken on 12/3/2017 1:23:50 PM with a score of 0
Hey! I'm back for more! I'm gonna add some reasons this is good.

1.The Humor

2. It's short, but pretty sweet

3. The Random Choices Make It Funny
-- YoutubeKid on 12/1/2017 12:17:07 PM with a score of 0
Hi, sorry that my comment was so short last time. These are the reasons ADITLOASOB (short for the name) is enjoyable.
1. This short story is pretty funny, not too much tho.
2. Becoming a person in the body of a slice of bread
3. Being unrealistic
-- YoutubeKid on 11/28/2017 11:19:21 AM with a score of 0
Hi! I really liked your story. You could've made it a bit longer, but it's still enjoyable. Make more things like this, but make them longer than this one. Okay, I'm done talking, so Bye!
-- YoutubeKid on 11/28/2017 11:14:31 AM with a score of 0
fun game
-- Hamish on 10/2/2017 6:44:42 PM with a score of 0
i love it
-- bob on 9/28/2017 2:06:16 PM with a score of 0
Idk why everyone hates this. That was hilarious. Short sure but Hilarious nonetheless. Not every story has to be a drama
-- Cam Iwea on 8/10/2017 5:03:38 PM with a score of 0
well it was fun and funny but i really wont play it again sorry id rather play roblox or watch youtube
-- white fury on 7/28/2017 9:21:16 PM with a score of 0
sad
-- yamin on 7/9/2017 7:20:55 PM with a score of 0
I love it
-- Aubrey on 5/13/2017 1:02:43 AM with a score of 0
minecraft is awsome
-- braden on 5/6/2017 8:51:46 PM with a score of 0
reesees' cups(r) suck but this game is amazing though
-- tom on 5/1/2017 5:54:08 PM with a score of 0
It was funny. Sadly, my life ended too soon.
-- Indie on 4/27/2017 1:16:53 PM with a score of 0
Amasarific
Amasing/terrific
-- Mo on 4/7/2017 9:12:02 AM with a score of 0
i became a black hole
10/10
-- what have i played on 3/29/2017 10:15:26 AM with a score of 0
BEST GAME EVER

-- Kennedy on 3/21/2017 4:47:10 PM with a score of 0
very swanky
-- yourboi on 3/19/2017 11:13:14 PM with a score of 0
This game is ok not too many options.. But yeah its fine
-- Brynalee on 3/17/2017 1:29:44 AM with a score of 0
This was a really fun game. I found out about it because
A really good youtuber named DanTDM was playing
It so i wanted to try it...It's really fun...if you like to
Have a positive attitude and a creative mind ??
-- Grace Pennell on 3/15/2017 7:18:00 PM with a score of 0
it is a rip off
-- no on 3/14/2017 10:05:47 AM with a score of 0
I love this storygame lol
-- Sam2 on 3/9/2017 1:54:51 PM with a score of 0
i love this game
-- sbfbsfjb on 3/5/2017 3:11:56 PM with a score of 0
I saw Dantdm play this and he had so much fun!!!!!!!! :)
-- Talina on 3/4/2017 8:41:22 PM with a score of 0
It is oddly satisfying to be a slice of bread...
-- Vittorio99 on 9/23/2016 2:41:15 PM with a score of 0
believe me i wanted to die you know from what? LAUGHTER LOL dude i got into a relationship with the woman (am i a female or guy) lol XD XD XD
-- anonymous on 9/6/2016 6:02:03 PM with a score of 0
Give me a giggle better than most other supposedly funny things
-- The_Burrito_Man on 7/8/2016 5:32:51 AM with a score of 0
Funny also suck it cool kids I get a spouse and a Bull for a pet and I eat at a fancy restaurant. ??
-- TurkeyJerkey on 6/25/2016 4:56:40 PM with a score of 0
Hilarious xD
-- Seto on 6/5/2016 6:06:02 PM with a score of 0
I need to quit loafing around
-- skugga on 5/21/2016 12:16:05 AM with a score of 0
Funny. But should have more choices.
-- Deadly Lion on 4/18/2016 11:11:15 PM with a score of 0
Storyline is boring
-- Roar843 on 3/16/2016 9:50:08 PM with a score of 0
OK game pretty short and mildly entertaining
-- IrishKingDaniel on 3/5/2016 11:01:26 PM with a score of 0
I don't want to "hit it off" with Alexander! THE CHARMING DRUNK HAYMITCH IS MY MAN! DON'T JUDGE MEEEEE!!! Lol still awesome tho

-- Haymitch is my man on 1/16/2016 7:11:10 PM with a score of 0
t was really funny and interesting, it would be nice if it was longer though
-- fiddledrakon on 11/22/2015 12:35:40 AM with a score of 0
I kinda enjoyed this. The humour wasn't too bland and honestly made me chuckle a couple times. I also liked the amount of choices you put into it. So it's a good start, and deserves an average rating of 4/8 for me. And that's not bad, it's an average storygame. Much better than the amount of crap that is on the site. And I'm guessing this is based off of "I am bread!".
-- SonicTurboTurtle on 10/9/2015 7:57:12 PM with a score of 0
Wow, what a beautiful work of art. Bread is so beautiful, I don't think I can ever eat a sandwich again.
-- Toralas on 8/30/2015 10:01:01 PM with a score of 0
MUWAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!! I ATE THE UNIVERSE!!!!
-- corgi213 on 8/30/2015 9:58:07 AM with a score of 0
Best. Game. Evah.
-- Warriorstar on 7/30/2015 9:40:06 PM with a score of 0
WOW AMAZING
-- kia on 6/20/2015 3:46:19 AM with a score of 0
I cri everytime?
-- betaband on 6/3/2015 1:03:31 PM with a score of 0
I drowned a whole planet with my tears. Also, I'm soggy. XD
-- Bolt78625 on 5/27/2015 11:10:45 PM with a score of 0
Yay, I'm Mario now!
-- Wolfmist on 5/24/2015 11:47:15 AM with a score of 0
Amazing. I don't know how you did it, but a bread life was my life. Thank you.
-- lukasmcdrake on 5/22/2015 11:26:12 PM with a score of 0
Crushed by a bowling ball but I made a great friend.
-- mizal on 5/21/2015 6:28:21 PM with a score of 0
LOLRANDOM humor is no humor at all.
-- Malkalack on 5/21/2015 4:37:37 PM with a score of 0
I thought it was creative.
-- Beardon87 on 5/20/2015 3:18:47 PM with a score of 0
Who would accuse bread of not waking them up!

There's just something about these games that make zero sense. I don't know what it is, but I like it.

Were you playing 'I am bread' when you decided to make this?
-- Rosetail on 5/20/2015 10:05:38 AM with a score of 0
This game made 0 sense
-- AthenaT on 5/19/2015 12:13:39 AM with a score of 0
I got the SPECIAL ending. XD
-- weakmeak on 5/18/2015 6:26:47 PM with a score of 0
Umm kinda sucked and if you were shooting for funny you failed pretty badly
-- gamebruh on 5/18/2015 12:56:16 PM with a score of 0
I have so many points my 8/8 rating bumps this story up to a 5/8, even against many ratings under 4 xD I find that hilarious.

Again, well made story. Truly a masterpiece! Keep writing! can't wait for a sequel!
-- Ford on 5/17/2015 11:16:34 PM with a score of 0
That was Goddamn beautiful.
-- Chris113022 on 5/17/2015 8:53:37 PM with a score of 0
The title a day in the life of a slice of bread written by someone called sleepy didn't seem like the most exciting story in the world :D I liked the humour though and the fairly original story. That said I have a terrible premonition of a whole slew of sequels like a day in the life of a rolling pin or even Sally the Suicidal Peanut does Manhattan :)
-- Will11 on 5/17/2015 8:33:51 PM with a score of 0
This was oddly kind of interesting. I like your usage of vocabulary...but I don't see why this story deserves a 5/8. I would like it more if you made it longer.

I rate this story a 3/8:Good job soldier XD
-Blazewhisker
-- Blazewhisker on 5/17/2015 7:23:26 PM with a score of 0
Truly a masterpiece. I r8 8/8 m8
-- Ford on 5/17/2015 6:59:30 PM with a score of 0
I am an AMAZING bread slice...who knew?
-- JustSomeNerdGirl on 5/17/2015 5:30:32 PM with a score of 0
Based off of that game?
-- DerpBacon on 5/17/2015 5:05:43 PM with a score of 0
What....
-- jayfeather808 on 5/17/2015 5:01:01 PM with a score of 0
It was alright, a little short an boring in my opinion but good for a first timer.
-- Winterfrost105 on 5/17/2015 5:00:05 PM with a score of 0
I like the creative point of view! You have captured the perspective well, and I think the emotional humor is a nice addition to portray the character, if you will. :3
-- imagine13 on 3/30/2015 8:30:16 PM with a score of 0
Close Window