A Day in the Life of a Storm Trooper

Eh.

The first thing that struck me about this storygame was, despite its title, how unrelated it is to Star Wars. I'm not a massive fan of the franchise myself, and I've never even seen the original trilogy, but even I can tell that this story has barely any references to Star Wars. If you didn't mention storm troopers and the Death Star there literally would have been no clues as to what universe this was based on. The weapons (and in particular the grenades) sounded more like a cross between COD and Halo than Star Wars.

The mundane 'brushing your teeth' sort of parts didn't exactly help, either. Couldn't you have at least made something boring like more interesting by using your imagination or using something canon from Star Wars? Don't they have more advanced tools for brushing teeth? Or maybe their toothpaste uses some unusual herb not found on Earth to flavour it? It would have livened things up a little more.

The plot was too simple. You go through some tedious everyday things (which you made no effort to make interesting), you go to the Death Star, and then it blows up. It’s really not an engaging plot and could have done with serious work. It’s very short too.

Your writing wasn’t atrocious but it wasn’t great, either. You made pretty simple errors (‘you’re’ instead of ‘your’), weird abbreviations (‘u’ instead of ‘you’) and quite a few spelling mistakes. Honestly, with spellcheckers everywhere (and even one checking my spelling as I type this) I do wonder how people manage to have so many typos in their stories, because that should be a lot harder.

You need to work on explaining and elaborating more. A lot of the time, especially during action scenes, I had no idea where I was. The aircraft I was in got shot and I survived, but there was no explanation as to how. Did I crash land on some planet? Was I on the Death Star? Floating in outer space? Once I got blown up along with the Death Star, but I wasn’t even aware I was on it; I was under the impression I was somewhere else. If you take the time to explain what’s going on it will be less confusing and more enjoyable for the reader.

There was this one scene where you made me think you were giving the player the option to be a paedophile. You told us that we could ‘finger’ children, and I was surprised at first, but when I clicked on it it didn’t seem to be anything inappropriate. Do you even understand what that means? I’d be careful of using that unless you mean it.

Overall, pretty bad game. Had potential to be interesting if you had try to give us something more insightful on the life of a storm trooper rather than just a very generic story like this.

This wasn't particularly good, for many reasons.

First of all, the game seemed to have many different branches to play through, which I thought would be good. However, I was proven wrong, as only one branch works, and the other ones veer off to dead-ends.

I'm not sure why this takes place. Perhaps you didn't play through the entire thing? If that's the case, then I severely encourage you to, before publishing a story, read through the entire thing, so as to make sure there are zero deadends.

Also, I would suggest you spellcheck next time, because I counted some spelling mistakes in the game.

Going through a story is known as proofreading. This is a common practice which is mandatory for all stories before publication. It is important, because dead ends and bad grammar simply irk the reader.

Is that a good thing? Of course not.

Now, because you didn't do it in this storygame, I'm going to tell you to branch your story out next time. Actually finish through the story, please. Also, don't mak every choice a die/advance. If you do this, it becomes very easy to go through it.

This is known as linearity.

The writing could be improved on a major scale as well. There were several sentences per each page, which I didn't like, because it shows poor writing craftsmanship.

In conclusion, I would suggest fleshing out this story more. I thought I was walking into a nice little, possibly humurous game, but in actuality, I didn't enjoy this.

2/8.

This is weird, some unfinished pages here and there, and a lot of the text doesn't make any sense.

omg best story ever... *slow clap*

This is one of those storygames that only has one path. While only having one path it still has 2 endings. The game is unfinished with some pages just saying this is a new page and having no options but to go back or reset the game. Personally I think this could have been more. Even though it's based off of one of my favorite movies of all time it still only gets a 1/8.

Not quite as serious as it's made out to be on the description. It's also quite boring, though, I do love the idea.

Finish it then PM and I'll give you a higher rating.

Screw this game, it can go die in hole.. Since that's how bad it is.

I'm surprised you've got enough IQ to make an account and write this trash.