A pony's story

Waste of time and space

What was that? Pegasister here! You ruined MLP!

Pegasister o-u-t out!

Three minutes of my life I'll never get back.

what was this?

sooooooooooooooooooooo scary *laphing* kidding

Well I always try to be constructive and give good and bad points but I do get a distinct impression that this story is a set up...

The links all worked and the spelling and grammar are not actually as bad as some stories on this site.

The actual story was really non-existent. it seemed like the first rushed pages in a story where an author rail-roads you to throw out the names of characters so they can get to the story itself. But then that was it, with a gratuitous dead added in.

As I said, I get the impression that this is a plant to get reactions rather than a real story but judging by the score and response it will be removed soon either way

You really need to stop making stories.

Wow! Just Wow! (And not in a good way). This game has to be the most horrible game I have ever played!

*burns in holy fire*

Whuuuut?

Okay. Instead of criticizing and leaving, I'm going to tell you what you did wrong and what you could change.

First of all, it was rather short, and there isn't really a moral or plot of the story. Maybe you could edit it and make it longer, with an evil villain or one of your friends turns evil, etc.

Try capitalizing the names next time, otherwise I don't see how anyone can tell what's a name and what isn't.

Thanks for reading this, and with a little bit of what I suggested and more, I betcha you could make this an 8/8.
-Flamepelt