Player Comments on Blue Light Saga
Interesting start. It makes for a nice setting and beginning to the story. I’m not sure why I thought my ID wasn’t there before…before what? If I have no memories, I’m not sure how I’d think about something being there before I found it. Also, while a single item choice can work well with scene changes, by the third page I’m starting to wonder if there are any choices coming at all. All the pages at the start without any choices could likely just be added together into one page and that would eliminate the apparently pointless clicking to get to the next paragraph.
When I got to Azure, the page was quite confusing. It added Indigo. Who is that? Is that supposed to be me talking? I really can’t tell if there are two people there, Azure and me; or if there are three: Azure, Indigo, and me. And I guess the italics was for, well, I’m not sure what it was for. Sometimes it was feelings, sometimes it was describing actions, so I’m not sure what the italics was supposed to mean. I also wasn’t sure who was talking towards the end. Someone was a solider stationed in Kuwait. Was that me? Was that Azure? Maybe Indigo? Or it might even have been the midnight man.
This story was pretty good and has lots of potential. It has a neat idea, though I think it could have had more detail related to the idea and the story. And with a few edits to fix the subjects and fonts, I think this could be a really good story. Thank you for sharing it with the site.
on 7/1/2018 5:05:17 PM with a score of 0
Not bad, I guess. I liked the overall story, but I didn't really like the way you have written it. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but the movie-script type of writing isn't exactly nice to read. It really distances the reader from the story itself and makes it hard to identify with the characters. I'd also advise you to write some descriptive text, instead of describing your characters through a list of descriptive features.
I also found the story a bit vague, but though I'd love to have had some more background, etc. I guess that it kinda fits with the general mystery theme of the story.
I also find it a bit of a shame that you labeled the endings as '...'s ending'. I think I would have liked it better if you gave me a choice like 'Azure does this and this' so I still have to guess what is going to happen.
I have given your story a 4/8, mostly because I liked the story, but I didn't really like the way it was written (see above).
Good luck writing!
on 9/13/2014 6:53:50 AM with a score of 0
This wasn't a bad storygame. There was definitely a fair bit of plot and character development. I have mixed feelings about the vagueness of it all. I felt like in some ways it fit this story well but at the same time I think you didn't tell the reader enough for them to become invested in the story.
I have to agree with Boringfirelion about the lack of choices; while at first sight it looks like there's a lot of branches, only certain choices get you to the more interesting endings.
on 9/11/2014 12:47:12 PM with a score of 0
This is actually a touching story, though there aren’t very many different endings, and you kinda just pick one in the end. Great as far as stories go, but not much of a CYOS. But it’s really good! Keep writing for sure!
on 3/8/2021 1:32:37 PM with a score of 0
First the typical spoiler warning. If you read this before reading the story, expect to be spoilered.
First things first. I did not notice any major grammatical errors. I'm not a native speaker so I am no pro at that, but I noticed nothing that disturbed the flow of reading.
The story itself had some very short pages with very little description. I'm still undecided if that fits well with the mystery setting or if the game lacks description.
The structure was very different than many stories I read. I guess the Azure and the Indigo ending were the only real epilogues I found. If that's the case then the very first decision you make is a quite important one. The first few pages with only one choice could have been put into one to erase the clicking to just read on.
The branching seemed quite excessive at first but they rejoined again later on quite often which lead to most paths enabling you to reach the "real endings".
5/8 from me for the innovative style and writing style.
on 3/2/2020 3:10:42 AM with a score of 0
-- Ava on 10/4/2019 2:12:45 PM with a score of 0
This was an interesting little storygame. Emphasis on little. I liked the game, but just when I was starting to feel invested in the game, it ended. Please make more storygames. I'd like to see more.
on 8/30/2018 12:50:54 PM with a score of 0
Midnight: Welcome home, son.
Well, that seems to imply home can only be reached alone. As in home alone. ;)
on 11/13/2017 11:33:17 PM with a score of 0
A romantic soul wrote this...
-- Blu on 2/25/2017 5:11:05 PM with a score of 0
I thought it was ok
on 1/17/2017 8:54:48 PM with a score of 0
on 11/29/2016 7:11:06 PM with a score of 0
a lot of things left unexplained
such as who is the man in black with the knife?
What was the place they were sent to and why was Indigo there?
on 9/22/2015 5:23:21 AM with a score of 0
Blue Light Sage is "okay". There's dialogue, not too many blobs of text, the choices are not "good or bad". I liked Azure's ending much better than I liked Indigo's ending. I feel like Indigo's ending should've been the same as Azure, but just in her perspective instead. I feel like that would've made much more sense.
Overall, it's a decent story. Still some questions on the black cloaked figure.
on 9/15/2015 1:57:30 PM with a score of 0
Great game, love the story
on 5/8/2015 1:07:07 AM with a score of 0
It thought is was somewhat Linear. Not really any decitions. You probably could do better, add more decitions, add more interactivity, and I will then rate your story higher.
on 3/17/2015 7:34:51 PM with a score of 0
you have the imagination for great story telling. just have to work on your choice giving, your characters guide the direction of the story too much.
you have a realistic view of what symbolic means. keep that up.
everyone has their own ways of writing, you will find the path that comforts you best, so don't worry about it.
i can also tell you are very into manga, your characters names give that away, that and how you describe your story and their reactions. these stories can be about fantasy and as realistic as you want them to be. don't hold yourself back.
keep up the good work and always become inspired to write more.
MASS EFFECT (all three games) should give you great perspective on deciding what kinds of choices will have great effect on the life you choose to lead. it teaches you how hard choices really are. become inspired. =]
-- AyeFon on 1/19/2015 10:51:36 PM with a score of 0
on 1/14/2015 6:07:25 PM with a score of 0
Short but sweet and detailed at some scenes. Only caught one or two grammatical errors here and there but overall, the story kept me immersed all the way to the end, which concluded too quickly for my taste.
6/8 Was an original idea, entertaining, and enjoyable.
on 12/9/2014 10:00:12 AM with a score of 0
Great story. Seems to end too soon, but well written and engaging throughout.
-- Jordi P on 9/23/2014 11:41:12 AM with a score of 0
An interesting way to tell a story. The detachment from the protagonist is a bit weird but the story was(at least to me) pretty original.
It felt like I was reading a movie, which isn't a bad thing. It did help with the visualization a bit.
Overall 5.5/8 for the story
It's not the best but it is a good story.
on 9/13/2014 3:40:04 PM with a score of 0
Thanks for the comments. I am working on another story game and will implement the advice.
on 9/12/2014 6:03:07 AM with a score of 0
A nice story! I liked the ending, hoping for more later on!
on 9/12/2014 2:32:46 AM with a score of 0
Not horrible... But it's worth mentioning that CYOA games shouldn't be written as a screen play. When somebody speaks, it should be:
"How's it going?" asked Bob Robertson.
With a grimace, John Johnson replies, "Not good at all."
Bob: How's it going?
John Johnson: Not good at all.
on 9/11/2014 11:14:40 PM with a score of 0
Much better than the first time. Good work, and I hope to see more games from you!
on 9/11/2014 3:48:46 PM with a score of 0
Didn't make too much sense.
on 9/11/2014 2:04:11 PM with a score of 0
Absolutley better the second time
on 9/11/2014 12:49:24 PM with a score of 0
I should say, you guys shouldn't be rating unpublished games until...they are published.
on 9/11/2014 12:41:25 PM with a score of 0
That was AMAZING. Did u make Azure's description to be u? ;)
on 9/11/2014 11:53:21 AM with a score of 0
I liked it. It was well written, but it seemed like there were very few choices, because whatever choice you made killed you, or forced to go a specific way. It was also short (but I don't blame you, but your writing is impressive, and this was a good first storygame!
on 9/10/2014 6:42:06 PM with a score of 0