Player Comments on Dead space
This was pretty interesting, and there seems to be much promise with this storygame. Issues with grammar were present, but nothing too terrible. For a short story this storygame was able to keep me curious about where it may have been going with each page that I've read.
Still, this does feels like something that would have perhaps benefited with more in terms of story. Maybe another 500 words or so could have been added in delving more into the setting, and even helped in setting the tone more. I must however say that the pictures helped in providing some decent visual enjoyment, as they fit with the actual scenes in which they were presented and didn't feel forced one bit.
For what this was, this was rather decent. There's some things that are left to be desired in term presentation, but the effort to make something to be enjoyed for those that happen to find themselves reading this storygame is there. I feel that the writer's voice is conveyed well enough at the end of the day, and that is something that I feel is to be valued when all is said and done.
Good work, ervol1.
on 2/15/2018 7:13:50 PM with a score of 0
Okay, this really did leave want for more. I finished this in about 5 minutes, and I'm not convinved it took you much longer than that to write. Seriously, if it's less than a thousand words and isn't either a short story (which I didn't get the feeling this is), or a poem (which I hope for your sake this wasn't an attempt at), then don't think about publishing until you've got at least another 5000 words under your belt.
However, this could be good! You've got pictures that actually did create atmosphere, even if it probably took you longer to find and upload them than write the story. I have to say I'm personally a sucker for a tale revolving around spaceships and all that stuff, but I was a little disappointing. Your writing was fairly good, though could do with some more compound sentences and explosive language to vamp it up (maybe that's just me having my own stylistic, convoluted taste though).
A deserved 4/8
on 6/16/2017 5:24:28 PM with a score of 0
Please add more! I finished it in like 30 seconds! I just wanted to get the bad out of my way so on with the awards and happiness! I was actually working on a Dead Space game as well until I found this. I deleted my game and then read yours thinking that this site did not need another game like that. When I found that this was a small game I remade it and fixed my mistakes and even made it better so, add more or make a sequel. Thanks for helping me improve my story and keep working on these stories. I must go now, my people need me.
on 11/4/2015 3:00:46 PM with a score of 0
I am sorry for saying so, but, I didn't understand a thing that had happened.
on 3/15/2020 6:54:50 AM with a score of 0
I feel like I write this for every review I do, but this seriously needs to be longer. There's just no room for a good story.
The description and atmosphere setting was excellent and made me want to read a whole story about this. I really liked the way you built the environment around the player, and I'd love to see a full-length story from you. That is, of course, with some fixing of grammar and punctuation issues. They were definitely noticeable, but they didn't make the writing incomprehensible.
Overall, there's not much to say on this one except that you need to put more effort in and work to make a higher quality story. You have potential as a writer, you just need to work to fully achieve it.
on 12/27/2019 12:04:14 AM with a score of 0
It's pretty short but offers promising continuation. Think of it as a short introduction to the possible main story.
on 11/19/2018 7:12:42 AM with a score of 0
I enjoyed this, but it could be longer.
on 11/13/2018 12:01:29 PM with a score of 0
The story needs more options and was too short.
-- Maples Community Vanture on 7/12/2018 12:15:04 PM with a score of 0
This took me about ten seconds to finish.
1. Don´t take off the helmet
2. Go to the engine room
4. Force open the blast doors
5. Alien Ship
Would drop a 1/10, like legit. This has no substance, and no offense, but I could write this easily, and if you want people to like your stories, write longer scripts please!
on 3/2/2018 12:57:41 AM with a score of 0
Would be better if you used more sensory dialogue. It ended rather quickly. Still, the story was interesting while it lasted.
-- Frontierloc on 11/11/2017 2:31:17 PM with a score of 0
on 3/2/2017 1:26:26 PM with a score of 0
I enjoyed the story. I look for shorter stories sometimes because I don't feel like muddling through long-winded descriptions and unnecessary storytelling. This story gave me exactly what I was looking for. I'm excited to see the next installment.
-- Victoria on 2/24/2017 8:22:29 PM with a score of 0
on 2/24/2017 10:44:15 AM with a score of 0
Quite an easy game to play. Good and simple yet striking imagary. Maybe get it proof read at some point and also yes, it is a bit too short. Looking forward to part two!
-- Montagfire on 2/23/2017 12:57:24 PM with a score of 0
on 1/22/2017 4:04:37 PM with a score of 0
Meh it was ok but not much.
on 12/15/2016 2:11:24 PM with a score of 0
Well, what about the armory? Too short, but nice idea, and cool pictures.
on 6/24/2016 5:44:18 PM with a score of 0
The choices were rather easy, and this series you were attempting to start should have been once story if you were going to make these so short
on 4/27/2016 1:29:09 PM with a score of 0
Way to short
on 1/26/2016 9:02:48 PM with a score of 0
Can't wait for part two
on 10/30/2015 12:47:41 PM with a score of 0
Pretty good but I felt like the choices were too obvious. I didn't die on my first run because the choices seemed a bit too easy to guess.
on 9/24/2015 10:19:43 PM with a score of 0
The story was very good I liked it a lot. This would of been a whole lot better if this was advanced. Mabye you could add soemthing like that later on, So that you could battle aliens and stuff.
on 8/20/2015 8:01:15 PM with a score of 0
It was really good just add more story.
on 7/27/2015 11:46:46 AM with a score of 0
Idea of game is good but story is short... When will been released a second instalment in this series?
on 7/6/2015 7:52:48 AM with a score of 0
I curiously made it right at the first through. Almost all other paths were wrong resulting in instant death and no different outcomes or even paths. Also that I try to board the ship or break out of my ship getting sucked, it results in successfully boarding the alien ship with no different difficulties or opportunities.
It's just a handful of branches and most of them dead ones.
-- Oblomov on 6/10/2015 4:11:10 PM with a score of 0
This book was pretty good, even though I finished it in 1:00.
-- thedman1403 on 2/12/2015 4:54:22 PM with a score of 0
I loved it no grammer errors its perfect. I cant wait to see more from you later on. sincerly, 24freddy
on 7/10/2014 5:02:57 PM with a score of 0
While not having giant mutated zombies attacking you in this it was fairly good. I found no grammar mistakes, kudos to that. Now enough praise and onto the critism. It was short. The game might have been described in the description as a fairly long story but it really has one path not to mention there is basically no interaction with anyone. There are no enemies which I stated in the first sentence of my review so that sort of makes it boring. The space in the title isn't even capitalized so that doesn't really bring it down but you should un-publish it fix the title then put it back up. I really have nothing else to say about this. Dead space (should be Dead Space) gets a 4/8.
on 7/4/2014 6:38:45 AM with a score of 0
Not much of a storyline. I'm not a fan of these stories in chapters like this, it means your readers are less engaged and it's hard to continue with paths chosen in previous chapters. Not much content either.
on 6/16/2014 9:55:34 PM with a score of 0
This wasn't long enough to even be considered a ''part 1''. It was more of a small preview-like story. I don't think you can have a story-game featured with a play length of a few pages. Honestly, this has the potential to be a great story though, if you add some more improvements.
on 6/16/2014 5:32:30 PM with a score of 0
This really wasn't a bad start. It was well written and the choices made sense, but I think it would've worked a lot better if you'd have written one long game instead of a series of short games.
on 6/16/2014 6:01:30 AM with a score of 0
This game had almost no story.
-- Les Retry on 6/15/2014 6:45:58 AM with a score of 0
Not much background, but I felt it was pretty creative. You included a nice selection of pictures also. Like everyone said it was a little short. Also, I would recommend a name change. The current title is a little misleading. "Dead in Space" might be better. Also, it won't seem like a ripoff of an already existing game. You don't have to change the name of your game, but it might make it seem a little more original.
on 6/13/2014 10:52:55 AM with a score of 0
looks good, but the continuous loophole at the beginning should be avoided.
on 6/12/2014 10:27:41 AM with a score of 0
It's actually pretty good, the grammar is alright and it's got a nice storyline to it. Just remember to capitalize the title!
on 6/11/2014 3:51:04 PM with a score of 0
Nice start, though way too short (hopefully the next part will be much longer). There is no background of the main character & no explanation of who ye are other than a 1 second description (which doesn't do anything to help the reader relate to the character). It was a fun story though. Good beginning.. now let's see where ye take it.
on 6/9/2014 10:01:07 PM with a score of 0