Gatekeepers of Boredom

Review 2 - Gatekeepers of boredom

I never felt this conflicted about a story before. I was initially very surprised by the low rating, since this story seems to be quite massive with a pretty clear narrative based on the description alone. It should be right up my alley. I like adventure stories quite a bit and puzzles (even though I'm terrible at them), but I was so, so terribly bored with it. The prose was decent, no spelling mistakes and other very glaring things. It certainly didn't help that I had no way to distinguish the many kid characters from each other; Alex, Ham, some Russian guy." The more I think about it, the more I think what the problem might be.

This story drowns in its own dialogue. Literally, since about 95% of the story consists of characters talking and standing in a white void doing nothing beyond standing and talking and spouting random facts that I don't really care about. This flaw is even made more apparent by the fact that this is supposed to be a whole fun adventure romp. There was little to no environmental description, little to no interactions with the environment. Everyone also talks the same way and in the most bland uninteresting way possible. Even though the prose is readable, I had trouble to get what the main stakes of the plot were or why these characters were traveling in the first place. I even had trouble remembering whether these characters were related to each other or were friends.

The story was very linear, which I actually don't mind that much for puzzle games, though the amount of puzzles in the puzzle game is very very lacking. I went and read 6 chapters, 6 full chapters before I got a puzzle. And to be honest, I had no clue about solving it. The other choices just involve lots of flavor text. Plus; I would really appreciate it if you added a skip button or have an easy mode for people with little inclination to button mash things till they get the right answer.

There was also the phone mechanic with the batteries running low and that had to be charged with points. However, I just was confused why the battery needed points and how you get points in the first place since I didn't feel like I was answering trivia questions or making the right choice (since all of the choices and outcomes are so similar that it doesn't really matter which button you mash). I think that you could have been a bit clearer in regards to the general gameplay. I really don't mind having an optional button to read a manual about the different game mechanics all that much.

Overall, it was disappointing, the characters were bland and very not memorable, I found little enjoyment reading it and I get now why it has this low of a rating despite its massive size. This storygame certainly didn't solve my boredom, but I do awknowledge that the author was at least passionate enough about their project to devote enough time to write almost 30k of drivel. I can't even be offended or angry. This story has given me nothing to chew on. There's only emptiness and boredom, mainly boredom.

Rating: 4/10
Initial thoughts: Gatekeeping boredom!? Stop that! Let us enjoy our boredom!

*** Spoilers ***

The story is alright. It definitely seems like a National Treasure sequel I could imagine the mouse making to wring any cash they could out of a dead franchise. Basically the bad guy from the first movie is out of jail, the parents go missing, and now the hacker comic relief and Nick Cage's character's kids have to go out and steal the Texas declaration of independence that apparently leads to Aztec treasure or something. I don't really know. I got stuck on a bit where no matter the combination or items I used, I couldn't move forwards or find a dead end anymore. There's probably something I'm missing. All I know is that for this run I had to use the rate and comment or back button like a noob and I don't like it. I'll probably come back later to crack it or something.

Besides the stuck part, I do have more complaints, but I'll leave that for a bit. Overall your writing is decent. No block paragraphs, no real issues with grammar, and the dialogue flows pretty decently too. Definitely no the worst thing I've read.

... huh, I guess that's about it for positives. Darn. I usually like having more nice things to say before the criticism... Uhhh yeah I like the phone battery thing and score system. It was a good use of items and variables. I like that the dead ends are like quotes from the movie. That was fun...

Now for the bits I didn't like. Besides the two dead ends I hit, the story isn't really a branching story game. It's extremely linear. I think the best comparison I have is to fallout dialogue. It doesn't really matter what you say or how you say it half the time, it usually leads to the same thing anyway. You even admit this yourself in your comment. As far as I can tell, the initial choice doesn't affect anything either. The one I chose is pretty out of place for a national treasure fanfic too, implying magic or something.

One of the dead ends confused me a bit. The wording of the choices are pretty much identical, but for some reason if you glance at this josh guy, you figure out who he is and the dead end happens without any real explanation... just the quote. Maybe I'm not that big of a fan of the movies to get it. If you don't realize who he is, you continue on with him, so I'm going to guess he's a twist villain of some sort.

Final thought is more of a personal thing... WHAT KID WOULD WILLINGY BE CALLED HAM?! Am I that old and out of touch with the middle schoolers? Hold on, two members of my family are in middle school, let me check with them... nope. Confirmed they would be bullied relentlessly. I get this is fiction but come on! Hamilton is not really first name material. I get that Nick Cage's character is a history buff and everything, but come on! Any other historical American name would be fine. A history nerd named after a lunch meat is not a recipe for a good school life. Why would you do this to your character?

Overall 4/10 until I crack the code and see how the rest of the story turns out. Don't gatekeep boredom, that's seriously uncool of you.

I rarely see fan fiction like this, especially about National Treasure. The prose is good and the characters are well-voiced. I love history and liked the focus on Texas Independence. The Score and flashlight mechanics were an interesting choice for game strategy.

Some of the multiple choice sections confused me a little bit. I wasn’t sure of some were just added for narrative flavor or if all choices truly do affect score. Still, it was enjoy playthrough. Maybe the real treasure was the adventure all along.

This seems like a pretty good story with some interesting ideas behind it, good use of variables and some nice twists. I hit a dead end fairly early on but when I have more time I'll go back and see if I can work my way through to the end. The writer put a good amount of effort into the story and with time I'm sure it'll have a few more ratings and comments: it's a well-written example of familiar themes but with a few original concepts, interesting characters and, as far as I can see, well-plotted and designed. Good work :)

It's more of a game then a multi-path story. There are sidetracks and dead ends and currently I've found only found a few ways to score 100 and find the treasure too. I have enjoyed playing it and I hope others agree and accept the challenge.