Horus

A boomer story! Which probably why it has the rating that it does.

Still the information that is given is so small that school children who have come to the site to make stories have given more effort that what was put here.

With how short it is there's not really much to say either.

I can't say I really learned all to much since a lot of this is already common Egyptian knowledge.

Not much else to say.

How the hell does this have an almost four rating--oh. 2006.

The writing in this was not too great. We are just told that our father who is a god was cut up into pieces and died, and we (who are also a god) are now avenging him. All in the first paragraph. That is not how I get interested in a story.
There's hardly any description. The whole thing just feels like a picture book written by a young child, except it has no pictures and is not nearly as interesting as whatever the average child's imagination can come up with.
The grammar and such wasn't bad--at least I didn't notice a whole lot of problems. The writing was just very boring.

I don't think any page was more than a few sentences long, but some had only one link anyway. Why? I don't know.

There is a place where both choices lead to the exact same page, and most of the story in general is "choose the right choice or die." Not really any branching.

I've seen worse. I've seen a lot worse.
But this was not that good.

This storygame offers a sort-of version of Horus's rivalry with Set. There are bits of interesting mythology--sort of--scattered about, including a list of gods at the end, but overall the story is just too short to do anything interesting or offer any meaningful narrative.

Mainly, the structure is a central throughline with little branches off it where you fail--essentially linear. It's a valiant first effort, and it's a great idea for a game.

This was sort of "eh." There really is no major plot involved, no great intrigue.

Nice piece of cultural appropriation you got there

This story lacks any inclusion of many Egyptian gods/goddesses. The attacking is kind of simple and doesn't really have much good description. I like the idea of the story, but it needs to be fleshed out

The way you mangles and bastardized egytpian mythology is truly astounding. Completely apart from the game being repetitive short filled with grammatical errors and pathetically simple your lack of understanding of the most basic Egyptian mythology made this game unpleasant. The only real shock is that Horus didn't smite you for besmirching his name.

Not a bad story game. It could do with some proof reading. It would be better if the introduction was slightly longer and explained more of who Set is and what powers he has etc. Decent effort.

it was very short ad not that diffiaclut

not bad